Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss fired me because I "didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML
Today, my boss made me come in at 10 a.m. instead of noon like he usually does. I’ve had nine cups of coffee and STILL can’t keep my eyes open. Why am I like this? FML
Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML
Today, according to my boss, he could cancel out the chill effect of pot brownies by mixing Red Bull into coffee. Somehow, I think his wastedness was still noticeable, since he fell asleep at an important meeting and our main investor pulled out, putting most of our jobs at risk. FML
Today, I tried to sip my coffee quietly during a quiet meeting. Instead, I inhaled it, started choking, and sprayed lukewarm coffee all over my notes, my shirt, and unfortunately, my boss. She didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure she hates me now. FML
Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML
Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML
Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML
Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML
Today, I stopped at a café before work and ordered a cappuccino. They called out, “Cathy?” I assumed it was mine, grabbed it, and left. Turns out Cathy likes her coffee with four espresso shots. By 10 a.m., I was vibrating and sending emails that read like manifestos. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Chocolate covered coffee beans are your friend. Tell your boss they are chocolate covered raisins, and you'll be left alone. No one sane likes raisins.
emmatheamazingx 17
I see why he compared them now
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Comments (100)
russfml 31
I'm pretty sure a boss isn't allowed to just banned a known source of energy used in all work places. FYL OP I wouldn't last long there
Sandman2015 12
If they did lord knows they wouldn't live long enough to realize their mistake. If someone tried that here they'd find them twisting in the wind the next morning.
fockeygirl 12
That's why I don't drink coffee.
praesidiem 16
You don't drink coffee, because OP's new boss banned it from OP's workplace? Damn, maybe I need to quit drinking coffee too.
fockeygirl 12
Actually I've never had coffee. I don't want to get dependent on it like OP is.
sailorarctic 22
The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem.
Sxylilhalfpint 20
Hi! my name is Patsy and I am a coffeeholic. I've been sober for 2 hours.
JayGatsby 25
Hiiii Patsy, we're here for you.
burnieblue 2
Ouch!
Cathrin 26
If that isn't illegal, it should be. FYL
Witchylady 18
Coffee drinkers just like smokers in a workplace spend a good portion of their day on a break while the non- coffee drinkers and smokers continue working. I want coffee to be banned at work just for the hell of it.
grghillis96 15
Some men just want to watch the world burn
Cerebral_Origami 5
:P
tehdarkness 21
You need to drink your coffee before work now. Set your alarm earlier son.
Dave_Davington 35
Cut the string off of a teabag, stick it to the inside of a thermos, with the tab hanging out, fill said thermos with coffee and tell your boss that it's tea. Problem solved.
pandalover69 26
Some tea has caffeine, couldn't he just drink caffeinated tea?
ImTheAlpha 30
however, while some tea is caffeinated I'm fairly sure that it is nowhere near the amount of caffeine present in coffee.
False_Stupidity 42
Actually, I may be wrong, but I believe that your standard black tea has as much or even more caffeine than coffee.
z3r0d4z3 22
i think its 75mg black tea, 100mg coffie but could be wrong.
Sammeydw 22
I just looked it up. The average Black tea has 55 mg while the average coffee has 110 mg.
OhYouMad 12
That's how it starts.....