Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss fired me because I "didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML
Today, my boss made me come in at 10 a.m. instead of noon like he usually does. I’ve had nine cups of coffee and STILL can’t keep my eyes open. Why am I like this? FML
Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML
Today, according to my boss, he could cancel out the chill effect of pot brownies by mixing Red Bull into coffee. Somehow, I think his wastedness was still noticeable, since he fell asleep at an important meeting and our main investor pulled out, putting most of our jobs at risk. FML
Today, I tried to sip my coffee quietly during a quiet meeting. Instead, I inhaled it, started choking, and sprayed lukewarm coffee all over my notes, my shirt, and unfortunately, my boss. She didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure she hates me now. FML
Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML
Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML
Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML
Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML
Today, I stopped at a café before work and ordered a cappuccino. They called out, “Cathy?” I assumed it was mine, grabbed it, and left. Turns out Cathy likes her coffee with four espresso shots. By 10 a.m., I was vibrating and sending emails that read like manifestos. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Chocolate covered coffee beans are your friend. Tell your boss they are chocolate covered raisins, and you'll be left alone. No one sane likes raisins.
emmatheamazingx 17
I see why he compared them now
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Comments (100)
Blkmoon 17
I feel for you. I love my coffee, I would murder anyone who took the privilege away.
Tutetheblack 20
That addiction though.
Futacy 30
Caffeine is one helluva drug.
Glasshoney 9
That's illegal actually
Futacy 30
Is it illegal in Finland? Because that's where OP's from.
meleelastyles 10
New workplace may be in order. No point killing your and your coworkers' productivity supplement..
praesidiem 16
I didn't know the Devil likes to dress up as new bosses and destroy the only good thing in the workplace. Good luck OP!
sassy2085 16
Your boss is brave cutting caffeine does two things makes everyone snappy and crazy. It also cuts productivity tired workers and people off with migraines from caffeine withdrawals.
IAmReptarrrr 6
Coffee is disgusting anyway.
Stillo 25
wow, i could imagine my university days without coffee... uff, not something i'd ever be able to... let alone at work!! :o i' would help you cover for that muurder OP!!! :p
XanderLance 19
I think this may be one of the most relevant FMLs I've ever seen