Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss fired me because I "didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML
Today, my boss made me come in at 10 a.m. instead of noon like he usually does. I’ve had nine cups of coffee and STILL can’t keep my eyes open. Why am I like this? FML
Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML
Today, according to my boss, he could cancel out the chill effect of pot brownies by mixing Red Bull into coffee. Somehow, I think his wastedness was still noticeable, since he fell asleep at an important meeting and our main investor pulled out, putting most of our jobs at risk. FML
Today, I tried to sip my coffee quietly during a quiet meeting. Instead, I inhaled it, started choking, and sprayed lukewarm coffee all over my notes, my shirt, and unfortunately, my boss. She didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure she hates me now. FML
Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML
Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML
Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML
Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML
Today, I stopped at a café before work and ordered a cappuccino. They called out, “Cathy?” I assumed it was mine, grabbed it, and left. Turns out Cathy likes her coffee with four espresso shots. By 10 a.m., I was vibrating and sending emails that read like manifestos. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Chocolate covered coffee beans are your friend. Tell your boss they are chocolate covered raisins, and you'll be left alone. No one sane likes raisins.
emmatheamazingx 17
I see why he compared them now
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Comments (100)
danihammer 4
Oh please it's just coffee. Maybe I don't have as much of a problem because I switch off to tea and having caffeine free-days, but your boss is out of line!
zman92 13
Start bringing it in, in a thermos, or a flask disguised as a tie.
jhoe89 13
that's how I am. but with energy drinks. I hope your boss let you all have some after that