Miscellaneous: Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 40

02/04/2009 00:34

Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 460

You deserved it 12 404

Dysfunctional

Hiding from the drama

Triage

17/11/2011 00:37

Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 355

You deserved it 38 240

10/04/2015 23:03

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 784

You deserved it 2 236

17/09/2011 04:43

Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 480

You deserved it 2 774

06/12/2018 21:00

Today, when I went to my gp for an annual check up, I was complaining to the nurse about my chronically sore ankle. Turns out it has been fractured for 8 years. When I was 11 I was playing in my grans garden and went over on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 595

You deserved it 278

14/11/2011 08:42

Today, my social-awkwardness is so bad, I was actually proud of myself for managing to ask someone a question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 968

You deserved it 4 973

04/03/2016 21:28

Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 978

You deserved it 3 386

03/02/2013 09:58

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 781

You deserved it 3 161

19/04/2009 02:44

Today, I bought a brand new flat screen TV. When I brought it home it didn't work. Furious, I walked into Best Buy and yelled at a guy in a tucked in blue polo and khakis. I asked him why it didn't work and he said he didn't know. I kept screaming. He didn't have a nametag. He didn't work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 777

You deserved it 130 186

30/12/2013 17:20

Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 298

You deserved it 31 365

Ruining the moment

By Anali - 28/05/2021 04:01

Today, I saw the girl my ex cheated on me with had her baby. I wrote a comment on her photo about how the baby was a product of her affair with my ex. She disabled her comments and I kept getting DM’s about how I should, "stop being so negative." Apparently infidelity is not frowned upon these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 1 553

Alexa, play "Jump" by Van Halen

By Thescarlettfox - 01/03/2020 21:00

Today, I had the brilliant idea of jumping off a swing at its highest point. I can now add two things to my list of accomplishments: making out with a tree and breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 1 318

23/07/2009 06:13

Today, my girlfriend of eight years explained to me that the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a B.S. in Biology and an M.S. in Anthropology, and I am working on my Ph.D. She thinks I'm an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 003

You deserved it 10 146

05/07/2011 14:32

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 241

You deserved it 3 043

07/03/2010 05:41

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 962

You deserved it 39 238

Looking for a job?

By Anonymous - 21/06/2021 19:31

Today, the guy we'd offered to hire, who had a 2-month notice period, emailed to say he couldn't come after all, because his employer offered to retain him. In this two-month timeframe, we didn't interview anybody else and now we're in deep shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 427

With friends like these…

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 05:01

Today, I told my “best friend” that I'd tested positive for COVID-19. She told me to “chill”. Ten years of friendship and she didn’t even ask if I was OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 210

11/07/2009 07:43

Today, I was involved in a car accident. I wasn't the driver of either car. I happened to be a passerby that was hit by a falling stop sign as a car hit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 992

You deserved it 2 774

05/08/2010 01:13

Today, some jerk super glued leaves and a note onto my car's front windshield. Not only is it directly in front of the driver's seat and makes it nearly impossible to drive, but it won't come off. What makes it worse? I was spending the night at a friend's house and the note was meant for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 047

You deserved it 2 591

12/05/2018 01:30

Today, I married my best friend in the whole world at a small romantic venue. By that I mean I married my actual best mate while completely hammered at a drive-through wedding chapel. My fiancée is gonna kill me when she finds out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 262

You deserved it 4 620

31/05/2018 01:30

Today, I came home to find that my sweet kitten had gotten out and dragged a bird inside, where he ripped it to shreds. I found the bird's head in my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 671

You deserved it 487

05/01/2014 23:48

Spicy

Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 561

You deserved it 9 857

Hush

By sXeQueen - 13/03/2010 15:17

Today, my boyfriend was having a really bad day, so I decided to call him and try to calm him down. At one point, I thought it would be sweet to sing him a song since he claimed to love my voice. Before I could get half way through, he told me to shut up because I was getting on his nerves and just making things worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 253

You deserved it 30 949

10/09/2009 13:37

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she's been writing in for the past three years aren't for her "doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 399

You deserved it 3 554

14/09/2010 23:30

Spicy

Today, I took my girlfriend of 3 years out to where we had our first date. I proposed to her. She breaks down in tears as she tells me she's been sleeping with her co-worker for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 436

You deserved it 3 204

Whoops

By Anonymous - 31/01/2018 01:30

Today, while leaving a job site, I put a bundle of pipe on my boss's van, picked up a few tools, and left for the day. He called screaming 30 minutes later to inform me that I didn't strap the pipe to the rack. It slid off the van and hit the car in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 4 744

22/08/2012 01:59

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 830

You deserved it 5 842

15/07/2009 04:00

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 993

You deserved it 6 705

26/01/2009 21:45

Spicy

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 119

You deserved it 7 513

04/05/2013 08:11

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 632

You deserved it 12 105

10/08/2013 04:41

Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 655

You deserved it 6 861

25/11/2013 23:42

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 939

You deserved it 5 818

29/12/2012 01:23

Today, after spending a lot of money on photo shoots to build up my portfolio, I finally got an offer from a modelling agency. I ran outside to tell my parents, only for my brother to hurl an iced snowball straight into my face. I now have a huge gash over my cheek and nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 964

You deserved it 4 401

13/10/2012 06:45

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 728

You deserved it 35 334

16/07/2009 02:08

Today, I realized the extent of my crush on one of my employees. I found myself cropping our picture out of the staff photo to see what we would look like as a couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 359

You deserved it 42 082

11/09/2012 06:11

Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 280

You deserved it 2 901

Suspicious Minds

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 16:01

Today, I finally found out why my wife always told me to never visit her at work. You see, my wife and I are dark haired with blue/brown eyes and our daughter is blonde with very striking emerald green eyes. You know who else is blonde with striking emerald eyes? My wife’s boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 550

You deserved it 88

The gift that keeps on giving!

By Anonymous - 26/12/2017 19:30

Today, for our Christmas gift exchange, we were supposed to all bring alcohol. I got a Crown Royal Apple box with a couple of positive pregnancy tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 514

You deserved it 494

11/07/2014 20:02

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 664

You deserved it 4 711

15/05/2016 21:10

Today, I found out it's possible to dislocate your jaw just by yawning. Now I'm in the ER, looking like a total psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 256

You deserved it 1 380

20/05/2013 23:07

Today, I was notified that the company did not give me a raise two months ago like I thought. The increase was a typo. Two months ago I wrote a thank you for the raise email to my boss. Now I get to write a check to the company to pay back my "raise." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 663

You deserved it 3 205

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Thursday 2 April 2009 10:04

If your [future] kids say they've never had a near-death experience, tell them differently!

Herbz 0

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Thursday 2 April 2009 9:53

So, why weren't you wearing a cup?

Comments

Herbz 0

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Thursday 2 April 2009 9:53

So, why weren't you wearing a cup?

VolleyballSMASH 1

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Friday 16 July 2010 16:35

My question too... Why weren't you?

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Sunday 19 September 2010 8:06

He was WATCHING the game. Fucking retards. -.- FYL op! Shit happens.

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Monday 24 January 2011 3:01

his team was probelly hitting and he was up by the fence. and not many kids wear cups no more. I realized that I was the only one to wear a cup on my JV highschool baseball team, no homo! I got shit down there to protect and I use them, no way Ima risk them going out of business.

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Saturday 23 April 2011 21:45

he was watching the game but why wasnt he wearing a cup? you dont have to not be watching to wear it, dumbass. OP, YDI

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Friday 2 December 2011 3:45

I wanna know y didn't you kick his ass.

_1296 10

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Thursday 21 February 2013 9:11

@ 119 do you speak English?

Stryker78cRS 15

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 12:53

#126 he never said He didnt

SarahSehhati 40

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Monday 17 November 2014 10:35

#119 Probelly like advanced stomach? Pro belly??? wow. :)

sleepless15_p 0

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Thursday 2 April 2009 10:00

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Thursday 29 April 2010 4:21

he wasn't in the game he was watching it

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Saturday 12 June 2010 2:03

106-no he means he was on the BENCH watching the game

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Sunday 29 January 2012 18:25

well you're nice..

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Thursday 2 April 2009 10:02

Ouch! Glad I'm a girl and don't have to worry about that... Don't know why your teammate felt the need to do a cup check. That's just weird.

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Thursday 29 April 2010 4:19

wouldn't it still hurt you just allot less?

VolleyballSMASH 1

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Friday 16 July 2010 16:42

Not really, just the same as anywhere else. Maybe a fraction more. OP- I kind of know how you feel. Me and a couple of close friends were having a waterballoon fight. We hit this guy Joe, in the balls, three times. And point blank with a squirt gun ( his fault, we were fighting over it ). After that, he was all for the hot tub, and no more waterballoons. :) poor Joe.

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Wednesday 14 December 2011 4:45

i agree. was the cup check necessary?

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Friday 22 November 2013 3:34

its a joke we all do me and my fruends do stuff like this too just before the game vy like an hour so that our balls have time to come back up and understand that thousands of our potential children have died

itssnotfunny 24

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Thursday 9 February 2017 20:41

Clearly you've never been hit in the vagina, you very well should worry about that. Shit hurts

Callyn 47

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Thursday 2 April 2009 10:02

Your teammate is a complete ass. Hit him in the nuts next time you see him, he deserves that shit.

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Thursday 2 April 2009 10:04

If your [future] kids say they've never had a near-death experience, tell them differently!

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Saturday 31 October 2009 1:50

Hahahah !

CeSbAlLa4lYfe 0

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Monday 19 July 2010 0:01

#5 made me lol.

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Thursday 22 July 2010 20:19

omg I laughed so hard after reading this lol

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Thursday 2 April 2009 10:07

You're playing a sport where the ball can travel faster than a speeding car, and you don't protect your jewels? You deserve that one.

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Thursday 2 April 2009 10:07

Shrinking isnt a problem... maybe it's just cold. You only have to worry if they swell up

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Thursday 2 April 2009 10:08

LOL #5!

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Thursday 2 April 2009 10:09

wear a fucking cup next time idiot. YDI

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Thursday 2 April 2009 10:10

I'd like to think this was followed by your teammate hollerin "Found one!" at the coach followed by an inquiry along the lines of #1 and #2 from the coach and teammate as they're crouched down next to your fetally positioned body. ;) P.S Ice bath.