Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML
Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML
Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a local hospital. I was eagerly introducing myself to all the nurses, as I would be working with them all summer. It wasn't until I got home that I discovered the giant piece of lettuce stuck in my front teeth. So much for first impressions. FML
Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML
Today, I went into hospital for knee surgery. When I awoke, I was surprised to find a bandage wrapped around my throbbing head. The nurse explained that a student observer had fainted in the operating room and his head had smashed against mine on the way down. FML
Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML
Today, I was feeling more and more sick, with significant pain in my abdomen. Nobody believed me, and my grandma told me to stop whinging and to eat something. I tried but started vomiting, and now I'm being rushed into surgery with an already necrotic appendix. FML
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Top comments
LittleBells 17
It has to be better than their Chocolate Pudding I suppose
WCARlover 35
This made me cringe so hard...I am so sorry OP
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Comments (102)
RollingCakes 21
Ouch, I hope you get better soon OP! But at least the ER nurse seems really friendly and kind which always makes trips to the hospital better.
CowInYogaPants 4
Aww sorry OP :( but at least you got vanilla pudding! My father used to work at a hospital, and would always bring home extra pudding. My favorite childhood memories. Hope you feel better soon!
Liamj774 36
Well don't keep things stern. You should make light of it, maybe green or red?
xx_alexmagm_xx 12
Damn...that was very educational
cjwayy 22
Oh my god. My ****** just screamed.
cakefete2 31
Oh, so that's what a screaming ****** sound like. On a side note, screaming vaginas might make an awesome band name.
luststarrr 22
#29, agreed. I'm envisioning feminist post-punk...
geekchick88 17
#29, my husband and our one friend already came up with that idea. They said they were going to create a band called "Screaming Vaginas" and their first single would be called "Bleed and Queef". I was texting my best friend when this conversation occurred, and relayed it to him...his immediate response was "That's already a band, but you probably know them as My Chemical Romance." I laughed way more than I should've.
cjwayy 22
Oh my god #80 hahahaha I used to love MCR
BecauseIAmBatman_fml 22
I just cringed so hard.
sartrow 8
will they need to shave before surgery?
vesuviusse 4
Having had stitches to that particularly delicate area, myself, I cringe for you. Good luck!
NicH1799 20
I'm sure thats not the type of penetration you would be looking for.
oufie20 18
whata sour-puss…the nurse ofcourse lol