By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 23:35 - Canada

Spicy
Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML
I agree, your life sucks 45 633
You deserved it 12 405

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Ehhh, your hand isn't THAT bad.

Comments

shel be so Horny by the end of it she'll basically beg for your cock

nine months of head is nine months of winning.

Or worse. Instead of twins, the OP's baby can become pregnant.

I'd take some good head over sex any day. But then again his wife doesn't necessarily give good head....

"had the balls" wasn't really the right way to word that.. "was dumb enough" would be better, and you better hope they don't get her genes.

18 just blew my mind. it would be just like Russian Nesting Dolls, except with a lot more afterbirth.

This reminds me of a time when I was little, I imagined poping a pregnant lady's stomach and watching her fly all over the place like a balloon. Sadly, it didn't work. She had twins though. :)

well OP it isn't too late for abortion! do you really want to bring a child into this world whose sole contribution to society would be... well if idiocy is a contribution then that's what it would be.

abortion is murder. why would you murder a child who has the chance to become someone?

ur mom should've abborted you

I wouldn't either...for at least another couple centuries...

sex with pregnant women is gross anyways!

technically she had the ovaries...

head or no head. OP doesn't deserve it as it is. he is egotistical and needs to get his head out of his ass. 'my wife had the BALLS to tell me we can't have sex' good for her.

Get back to me after you take a biology class. Thanks.

My thoughts exactly #324. She has the right to say no to sex if she feels like it for as long as she pleases. Being married to her does not give you any kind of right to do what you want with her body. Good for her! YDI for being a prick.

Yeah a shot in the mouth also helps the womans body grow accustomed to the mans DNA resulting in less chance of pre-eclampsia. Enjoy getting your dick sucked 3 times a day for the health of your wife and child.

Wow 324 and 379. I think OP just worded wrong with "had the balls" - the FML was about how stupid her reason was. Having sex while pregnant will not get her twins -_- F OP's life for having such an IDIOT for a wife.

*369 not 379

#369 OP isn't mad about the no srx, he's NAD about the stupid reasoning behind it.

Ehhh, your hand isn't THAT bad.

nice alone time with Jill it is.

Or Handjelina Jolie?

maybe op doesnt need them maybe he can "handle" himself. :D

more like chelsea handler.

more like chelsea handler.

Morehand Freeman :)

Got me through 7th - 9th grade.

Mrs. Palmer and her 5 daughters...

omfg u guys are fucking hilarious

wouldn't that make him gay?

this is a great comment chain haha

hahahhahahaha ppl can be really creative! lmao

Handerson Cooper, Rhihanda, Handy Rooney, Rashanda Jones, Alyson Handigan, Ahanda Bynes, Carry Handerwood.......I could go on but I choose not to.

the ol' five knuckle shuffle. i know it well

haha. ya. it's always there for you

C-C-C-Combo Breaker!!! Sorry, had to do it.

what about good ol' oral?? gotta love it!! :-). oh wait. she can say that if she swallows it, she'll get even more babies!!! lol. faaaaaaaaail!!!!

This would have been an epic win if you all didn't rip it off of that facebook picture.

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKE- aw fuck someone beat me to it.

Keke Palmer? Who has a shitty TV show and all, but Keke Palmer?

Hiedy Handerson.

No it's not. That's not how fucking twins are created.

no its not but it is how possible miscarriages are created especially later on the pregnancy.

I thought it was good for the pregnancy

Lol, OP, maybe your wife really does believe it. YDI for creating a child with an idiot.

Guess whose kids are getting the "stupid" gene.

251- is the answer 124? If it isn't, you might consider revising your answer.

It's funny how oblivious some people are to sarcasm. *facepalm* or /)_- whichever you prefer

I can understand where she is coming from. I wouldn't want to have sex with a baby if I was her.

i hope you wouldn't want to have sex with a baby...

so you understand where she is coming from, do explain to us how she believes having sex while pregnant will result in twins. by the way, for the next 18 or so years that baby will still be in the house, does that mean you wont be having sex again for that period? i mean hey, the kid isnt part of the act, and simply being near it seems to be problematic for you. or are you one of those dumb fucks who thinks the mans penis comes anywhere near touching the child when having sex during pregnancy?

73, chill. the f*ck. outtt.

4 & 57- Why can't you be creative?

sorry i wasn't able to entertain you, #157. i'll try harder next time.

To my dismay of saying this, that was sarcasm, have you never heard someone say "Get creative." when a pregnant woman says she dosnt want to have sex? No? Well sorry, I thought that was international.

73 - I figured you were a guy. gotta defend the dick, eh?

one of the best comments ever

...i dont have to defend anything from a comment fraught with ignorance. id be supporting the same point if the sexes were reversed.

73, that may be a stupid ass reason but there are plenty of others that ARE reasonable.

...and i said there arent?

Nope, but you did a good job of making yourself look like a sexist ass who believes that a woman should be forced to have sex with her significant other even if she doesn't feel comfortable with it, regardless of the reason. :) Seriously though, don't even try to cover up your stupidity, it's already out there for the world to see.

think about how the baby would feel if u kept poking it with ur stick

you can get pregnant if you do have anal intercourse :p

it's true! you can

Are you dumb? oh yeah clearly you are because you think you can get pregnant from anal.

114- Yeah, because the anus is somehow connected to the vagina. Really? Someone missed sex Ed.

no. not unless you made a mess and scattered your load all over. may be a bit graphic, but if you don't know something, try to stay quiet and not look stupid

114- Thanks asstard, I'll be sure to refrain.

seriously 114? how old are u??? ive never heard anything more stupid!

Canada must not teach Sex Ed

The only way a woman could get pregnant from anal is if the sperm somehow seeped its way into the vagina and worked its way up into... well yeah, very improbable =|

You can, actually. It's really uncommon, but it does happen. All that has to happen is for some to, uh, drip. Of course, since the OP's wife is already pregnant, this isn't even a relevant issue.

I'm sorry to have to say this, but, your stupidity simply astounds me, it leaves me speechless and causes me to believe with every fiber of my fiber-filled being that you do not deserve to breath my air..ok that was maybe a little harsh but your just not smart btw this was written to #114

164- you seem to be quite a bitch, you have been flaming people all over this post plus you are insulting the country you live in on your page, you seem like trash honestly.

352) I thumbed you down because you used "breath" instead of "breathe" in a sentence calling someone else stupid. There is a difference between "breath" which would be one single inhalation OR as in the phrase "a breath of fresh air", as opposed to "breathe" which would be the verb "to breathe". Also, you used the word "your" as opposed to the correct form, you're. You have no business calling someone else stupid.

Forgot quotes around "you're" and I'm too late to edit... Dammit.

Anal is actually really bad to do while pregnant. OBGYN's advise against it.

very reasonable explanation I guess

no it's not. that's not how twins happen

it actually can happen like that, two seprate insemenations, like when triplets are two boys and a girl. the boys split and the girl was from another time

Ugh people are ignorant. A single male ejaculation contains millions of sperm, each capable of impregnating a female. Fraternal twins are created by 2 eggs being fertilized (and remember there are millions of sperm available), and identical twins are created by the fertilized egg splitting into two (this would theoretically only require one sperm). A separate ejaculation later would not create further pregnancy (obviously) and sex during pregnancy is perfectly healthy (except at the very end).

No, it's actually true that it's POSSIBLE. There have been 11 known cases (one just recently) of a woman getting pregnant while already pregnant. But 11 out of hundreds of millions is pretty much nothing.

288 is very correct. Rarely does it happen, but it has

well sounds like you should trade her in for a new model if you know what I mean

well shes clearly defective, but i think the warranty becomes void once you mess up the interior. should have made sure everything was working properly beforehand.

should of got the extended warenty

wow dude way to be a dick!

you get twins from the same sperm cell, I don't even think the OP got that one...

those are identical twins. fraternal twins are separate eggs and separate sperm cells.

you learn something new everyday! thanks for not being a big cyber dick about my mistake. I hate those fuckers

Identical twins occur when the Zygote splits and forms two identical embryos.

being blunt isn't the dame as being a dickhead.

not necessarily. fraternal twins come from two different sperm cells.

you'd have to have two eggs released at the same time to get fraternal twins, but considering am egg lives about 2 weeks tops I doubt it's still alive