Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Cast the first stone
Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my extremely religious grandmother disowned me for watching Supernatural. FML
Caught red-handed
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
Hypocrite much?
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, my grandmother convinced me to come to a church meeting with her. My grandmother then made funny faces at me while the pastor was speaking, causing me to laugh out loud. Everyone heard me, including the pastor. FML
Creepy
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
No fun allowed
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Top comments
BeautyAndBrains 0
Has anyone heard of KNOCKING anymore? My gosh, she should have at least given you some warning before just barging in on you.
neonoodle 0
What a sad life she must have led if she's never masturbated.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (121)
fifthwheel00 0
hey, there's locks on doors just in case you don't know.
sparksinner 1
bible camp is the best thing that could happen to you. Lots of repressed chicks looking for any excuse to find a release. you can be that release. When granny asks if you were able to keep from jerking it at camp you can say: Praise sweet baby jesus, I did not once lay a hand on myself. There were too many girls doing it for me, I never got a chance."
femi_love 0
haha. thts blows
SgtSchadenfreude 0
Of all locations one could pick for surreptitious and discrete self-pleasure, why would one choose his or her grandmother's house?
cspinky 0
its ok all good stuff happens at bible camp ;D ittl prob being more sexual fun then in your grandmas house
emorockerownage 9
#5 i hope your kidding or just epic fail
emorockerownage 9
and 42# what the **** are you going to call him a pervert for its his own ******* body and its healthy
emorockerownage 9
ANYONE WHO THINKS MASTURBATION IS BAD FOR YOU http://tinyurl.com/ag8awfjs
Kattychu 0
Bible camp? That sucks! You'll be spending however long with a bunch of religion obsessed weirdos XD FYL
silly_kate 0
i hate it when religious people force feed their beliefs! agree with #3! seriously, masturbation is normal!!! they're all like 'it's a sin, it's a sin'! yerr, and so is molesting little boys........take the hint, priests!!!!