By laughingflame - 04/08/2011 06:00 - United States

Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks 38 119
You deserved it 12 897

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haha next time make sexual noise maybe then she will leave u alone..

BelleBelle_fml 11

How do all of these people keep getting caught masturbating or having sex?! Lol you'd think they would learn by now...


haha next time make sexual noise maybe then she will leave u alone..

All the guys do it. What's wrong with it?

CattyPurry 0

masterbating is a natural and healthy thing to do, but in the Catholic and Christian religion (I'm not sure if in any other religion) it is a sin to do. :P

I am happy I am an atheist...

12 - catholic and Christian religion are the same thing. Just letting you know....

CattyPurry 0

no it isn't. i'm Catholic, and there are certain things Christians don't believe in that we do..

Catholic is a branch of Christianity! There are many other branches, but the two biggest ones are Catholic branch and Othodox branch. So if you are catholic, then your Christian.

Everyone who can jacks off.

CattyPurry 0

23, that may be true but you do realize that Catholics believe in certain things that Christians don't, bro?

26 - once again when you say Christian, who do you mean? There are many branches.

Sydknee 8

26 - yes that is one of the reasons for the branches of chritianity, differences in beliefs. Christrianity is the main group, catholics, baptists, ipiscapal and others are sub groups. yea. I made a lot of spelling mistakes.

SoccerRebel594 0

26- I'm sorry, but you just made yourself sound ignorant. I'm Lutheran, and I am Christian. You are Catholic, and yet you are still Christian. Catholicism is usually recognized as the original organized Christian denomination. The other two big ones are Protestant and Orthodox. The only one I'd say isn't true Christianity is mormon faith.

guitgod1 11

All Catholics are Christians but not all Christians are Catholic. Got it?

I dot believe in atheism, if I can't see it then it doesn't exist.

Haha I burnt my bible a few days ago. Woo blasphemy day in September. ANYWAYS! Op, you need to read her all the excerpts that say it's ok to rape women. She might leave you alone, or again, my favorite for when Johavas witnesses come; Use demonic possession, and sacrifice a goat in the middle of your living room and commit a blood orgy, and write Hail Satan 666 on the wall in goat blood. I love Sundays.

No, he simply needs to ask his mother to start reading to him from Song of Solomon. Then start masturbating to it. In all seriousness, masturbation is less dangerous than reading the Bible - most people I know who've masturbated never finished and decided to invade another country with an army, slaughter the populace, and send Europe into a downward spiral from which it would take centuries to recover (as happened with the Crusades), they just tend to be in a better mood, if slightly sleepy.

Who gives a fuck, it's so annoying, God is pretty chill and won't smite you because you fondled the junk he made. Least you're appreciate what He gave you. Some people are too hard core.

imthatguythatdid 0

Im baptist. Just sayin

Laurenlou 24

15- You are very wrong, sorry. 20- You were on the right track but nobody understood what you were saying! I'm Catholic to, I get what you mean! 55- You got it right! Thank you.

SoccerRebel594 0

I'd just appreciate these Christian bashes to stop putting up offensive and ignorant comments. No one is calling you a faithless pile of shit with no soul, please refrain from saying anything of a relatively close level of offense towards us Christians. If you honestly have no better way of professing your particular belief than by bashing other's beliefs, then you can just fuck off.

HAHA YDI for getting caught. Moron.

kiran_fml 5

Lol I like your wording 68

sylverdrag_fml 9

@61: Well, I guess it does keep you busy. Cleaning up must be a bitch though.

JMoney4110 0

Your mom took that a little too far

RouletteRed 6

No. The power of christ compells you! .... Er .. your penis! xD

Think it's time to get your own place...

If only it was that easy

BelleBelle_fml 11

How do all of these people keep getting caught masturbating or having sex?! Lol you'd think they would learn by now...

JMoney4110 0

How about you grow up and stop making ignorant, idiotic comments

JMoney4110 0

Dammit this comment was meant for the person below her

No matter how hard you try, something always happens to lead to you getting caught.

Whack off into the bible and when she opens it next...

That's so wrong and sick

Froggirl14 0

Exactly. It is wrong and sick. And it's not right to whack off. God doesn't like it I promise u that. Maybe u should start reading the bible and become a better person.

That sucks...

Close your door next time.

Everyone whacks off... Doesn't matter what your religious beliefs are. It's a natural thing to do...

JMoney4110 0

That was meant for the person below you. Very sorry

Lennes 12

Considering the book that your username is based off of goes into that, your comment doesn't suorise me.

That sux man. Pick a better spot or something

saIty 17

What would Jesus do?

Fx13mz 7

I think the better question here is WHO would Jesus do?

Krennicus 0

A sleeping virgin. Like father, like son.

He would knock up Mary Magdalene and then let himself be executed so as to avoid the child support payments.