Miscellaneous: Today, my grandmother convinced me to come to a church meeting...

By Anonymous - Canada - Scarborough

Today, my grandmother convinced me to come to a church meeting with her. My grandmother then made funny faces at me while the pastor was speaking, causing me to laugh out loud. Everyone heard me, including the pastor. FML

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Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

Season finale

Creepy idea, dude

By Anonymous

Today, I woke up to the fire department at my house. Why? My brother called 911 thinking there was a fire after turning the heat on for the first time all winter. FML

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By shaviTuT - Malaysia - Bandar Penggaram

Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML

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By Vicky - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend went to kiss me as we were walking home. It was very icy and he slipped. His teeth went through my lip. FML

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By raynbowsend - Malaysia

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2020 00:01

Right place, wrong time

Today, as I'd been going to a gym with my wife as a guest on her account, I joined as a regular member. However, before I had time to go under my own membership, the gym closed down due to the coronavirus. FML

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By singkong duleng

Today, I told my mom that my wife and I got her a birthday present, but she won't be getting it until April. That instantly pissed her off, cussing us out calling us cheap worthless selfish bastards. I was about to surprise her that she's finally going to be a grandma. FML

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By LassieToe - Australia

Today, while on the train to university, I realized it was my stop and quickly stood up to get off. Or I would have, if my leg hadn't gone to sleep and caused me to fall, landing face first into the crotch of the old guy in front of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the boy I've liked for the past 8 years asked me out and then dumped me when he realized that I was taller than he was. FML

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By Lyn - France

Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML

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By bad birthdays - United States - Los Angeles

Today, it's my birthday. When I asked my mom if we were gonna do anything special for my birthday. She said, "don't lie to me. It's not your birthday." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

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By phantomthelabrat - United States - Fargo

Today, I was assigned to be the one to teach Grandpa how to use his new smartphone. An hour in, and we're still going over volume controls. FML

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By stranded - United States

Today, my friend's van ran out of gas on an expressway off-ramp. After pushing it to the shoulder, we walked to a gas station and got a can of gas. We got back to the van to find that the battery had died from leaving on the lights and hazards to avoid an accident. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2020 17:58 - Singapore - Singapore

Technologically challenged

Today, during my Zoom PTM my teacher screen-shared his Chrome tab, in which he had opened porn instead of the presentation he had to open, and now mom wants to change my school, where I've been studying in for past 10 years. FML

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By takinabreak - United States

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

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By ShouldHaveDoneItMyself - Sudan

Today, I didn't have the courage to tell the guy who likes me that I only thought of him as a friend, so I asked my best friend to do it for me. It turns out that her way of doing this is telling him to "fuck off" and then punching him in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, at my strictly Catholic grandmother's funeral, I was made to sit in the row behind the rest of the family, because I was born out of wedlock and wasn't a 'real' member. FML

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By clitty clitty bang bang - United States - Brownsville

Today, after two years of vigorously fundraising on behalf of my senior class, they voted on spending the senior trip money at a waterpark. It's less than thirty minutes from where we all live. FML

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By bitch i'm a gerontophile - Taiwan

Today, while working at my local supermarket, I found a boy lost and wandering about, so I took him to the front desk. My reward from his mother was a slap around the face and harsh words for supposedly having kidnapped him. FML

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By Loose Goose

Today, I went on a coffee date. It turned out to be a mistake - not because he was bad, but because I forgot how much coffee upsets my stomach. Yup, it makes me need to poop, and I did. In my jeans. As he drove me home. Not quite the "run" of fun we’d planned. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

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By lug_nut - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML

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By BeachBummer

Today, I’ve been up since 5am getting everything ready for the beach. This is the first nice weekend we’ve had this season. I have a dressed toddler asleep on the couch and grown ass man that refuses to get out of bed. Today it’s 80 degrees. Next weekend is 50 degrees. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

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By nicrus - Norway

Today, my girlfriend and her mother bought a hanger for my $2000 guitar as a birthday present. They wanted to surprise me by hanging it on the wall. They screwed it upside down, so before I came home it fell off and my guitar broke. FML

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By nodad - United States

Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

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By StupidPets - United States - Murrysville

Today, I saw my new pet fish completely missing the food at the bottom of his tank and sucking up the little rocks instead. My last dog died from eating rocks. I think I'm doomed to have insanely stupid pets. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Girls will be girls

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML

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By notafan - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML

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By best_friend - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

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By Billie - 4/2/2021 00:01 - Bulgaria

Can't win

Today, my boyfriend was tidying up around the room. I asked him if he'd like me to help, to which he responded, "No, I don't need any help," then added, "Wish you weren't so lazy." FML

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By itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-wife, whom I divorced just 8 months ago, asked me to attend her wedding, because "it would mean a lot" to her. She's marrying the man she cheated on me with. FML

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By loveinanelevator

Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boiler packed up on me just as the weather has turned cold, with no money to have it fixed. Hello to a week of freezing cold showers. FML

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By Anonymous - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I got cited for "internet plagiarism" and called to the dean's office. I'd been sitting a closed-book written exam, and my teacher had been breathing down my neck the whole time. FML

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Top comments

By Bano360 | 25

#5700796 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:15

Grandma strikes again.

By hghrider123456 | 9

#5700804 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:19

Does your grandma happen to be betty white?

COMMENTS

By Bano360 | 25

#5700796 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:15

Grandma strikes again.

Damian95 | 16

#5700976 - Thursday 3 October 2013 15:34

Grandmas are the funniest people because they really don't care anymore.

IndieParadise | 4

#5701017 - Thursday 3 October 2013 16:27

Fact: Grandma's are awesome. :D

KawaiiCupcake | 14

#5701931 - Friday 4 October 2013 5:53

Lol my grannies are like the opposite? Is that bad?

By MsConfusedd | 27

#5700802 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:18

Well at least church was a bit more fun today!

calilovesneb | 12

#5702006 - Friday 4 October 2013 7:13

This post made me think of my pastor who passed away today. RIP Pastor Chuck Smith.

By hghrider123456 | 9

#5700804 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:19

Does your grandma happen to be betty white?

By jennababe98 | 9

#5700805 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:19

I don't care if that wasn't nice of her, your grandma sounds awesome.

ilytyvm | 25

#5700828 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:34

I agree! The woman sounds like she has more of a life than the stereotypical grandmother. haha

By kaiyybee | 10

#5700808 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:20

Well at least she's still fun!

By sarcasticlover | 30

#5700814 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:25

you got an awesome grandma out there!!

By jeorgiar | 1

#5700816 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:26

That's amazing. Usually, when I laugh out loud, nobody hears me.

perdix | 29

#5700865 - Thursday 3 October 2013 13:17

#8, this is a time when it would be appropriate to say "LOL."

You wouldn't want people to think you have no sense of humor just because you have an inaudible laugh. PS: Go easy on the LMAO and LMFAO (I wear a Speedo just to tan my cheeks.)

By anjila77 | 6

#5700819 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:29

She sounds awesome(;

By ohro | 10

#5700822 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:31

Bet you had a great time though. Who wouldn't with an awesome grandma like her

By nattynatters | 14

#5700832 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:37

Start making weird faces at the pastor and see what happens.