Today, my grandmother convinced me to come to a church meeting...

By Anonymous - 3/10/2013 05:24 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, my grandmother convinced me to come to a church meeting with her. My grandmother then made funny faces at me while the pastor was speaking, causing me to laugh out loud. Everyone heard me, including the pastor. FML

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Miscellaneous

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Workaholic

By Sbfreak510 - 16/10/2009 16:30 - France

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work and I put on yesterday's jeans. While at my meeting an employee asked me if 'that' was mine and pointed to something on the floor next to me. Which was yesterday's underwear. FML

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By LifeSucks - 17/11/2018 05:00

Today, I came home to an empty house. I found a note from my wife telling me she was bisexual and found love in a woman. I FaceTimed my sister to tell her about it, and who do I see with her? My wife. FML

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By Whoneedsgradschool - 20/4/2017 20:00

Today, my parents gave me a letter they'd forgotten about since late last year. In it was a $30,000 scholarship to a local master's program with an application due date of two weeks ago. FML

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By Becky - 11/5/2015 20:54 - United Kingdom - Dorchester

Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML

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By IJustWantedCheez - 27/9/2016 17:37 - United States - San Antonio

Today, while on break from work, I went to the cafeteria and bought cheese cubes. One of my coworkers, who is usually very pleasant, asked to try some and I said yes. She ate all the cheddar cubes in the bowl, which are the only ones I like. I wasted $3 for someone else to eat my food. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2013 11:25 - United States

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

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By Hilary - 23/9/2010 01:25 - Australia

Today, I was trying to relieve a dog that looked like it was choking because it was tied to a pole while its owner was in a restaurant. The owner called a security guard because she was convinced I was trying to steal her dog. FML

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By Anon - 29/5/2017 12:00 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my mother-in-law complained to me about the cost of getting old. She then spent an hour showing me her River Cruise vacation photos from several countries. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, my little 7 year old brother asked me what horny meant whilst in the car with my parents. When I wouldn't tell him what it meant he screamed, "I'm getting horny!" at the top of his lungs, and told my parents that I told him to say it. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2009 02:06 - Canada

Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML

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By jshibbz0993 - 23/11/2011 15:16 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my boyfriend about our excessive water bill. He then says, "Don't look at me, I don't even shower." FML

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By PicklesMcRaptor - 25/3/2012 11:59 - United States - Miami

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

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By flimflam - 2/9/2010 17:39 - United States

Today, the elevator broke in my dorm and won't be fixed for several days. I live on the 26th floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2015 15:36 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I found out that the $200 I reluctantly gave to my mother so she could rent a house was paid to a scammer. Now she wants to live with me, in my one bedroom apartment. FML

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By ShitHappens2016 - 16/4/2017 18:00

Today, my mother-in-law texted to wish me a happy birthday. She spelled my name wrong and it's not my birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2017 06:00 - United States - Frederick

Today, I didn't think getting egged was a thing anymore until I found that my car got egged. FML

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By lovegotmehung - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend. Just as she said "I love you", the credit on my phone runs out. She now thinks that I've purposely hung up on her. She refuses to speak to me until I tell her the real reason I hung up. FML

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By Sheliton - 18/1/2012 01:39 - United States

Today, I learned how awful intertrigo smells. I spent a ton of money and years of my life to become a health care provider apparently to treat the yeast infection between an obese woman's fat folds. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2011 12:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

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By AlwaysAwkward - 3/3/2014 02:30 - United States - Strongsville

Today, I got my first massage. At the end, the masseuse made a gesture indicating which way the exit was. After having had her hands all over my body for the past hour, I thought the gesture was indicative of a goodbye hug. Things got awkward really fast. FML

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By fruitoftheloom - 9/3/2015 05:13 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on my boxers than by my cock. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, I was in the shower and had just finished washing my face. When I put the soap down I noticed a curly, black hair stuck to it. Im blond. The only other person who uses that bathroom is my uncle. I just rubbed my uncle's pubic hair all over my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2010 02:11 - Israel

Today, the girl who I was in love with for almost seven years listed me on facebook as her "Brother." FML

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By thanksforthat - 10/8/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, after selling their car, my parents decided to inform me that my car (that I paid for myself) is now going to be the "Family Car". They also informed me that since it is, after all, my car, I'll still have to pay for the gas and maintenance. FML

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By FML - 2/2/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 02:04

Life imitates art

Today, I had to sit through the film The 40 Year Old Virgin with my friends, who thought it was hilarious. I'm well over 40 and also a virgin. FML

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By mustanggt - 2/10/2017 10:00 - United States - Utica

Today, I finished a repair on my trailer. About twenty miles down the road, one of the joints gave out and the whole thing broke on the freeway, scattering lumber and splinters everywhere. The traffic cop called me the worst carpenter in the whole state. FML

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By carwife - 21/8/2010 04:13 - Canada

Today, at a family dinner, my new husband compared deciding to marry me to buying a used car. Some of the similarites included looking under the hood and finding out how many previous owners there were. FML

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By BLAH - 14/2/2012 14:42 - Philippines

Today, after finally returning to my house after over a year overseas, I found that my neighbours built a wall covering the only window in my bedroom. Not only is my room eternally musty and pitch black, but the council won't accept my complaint, because apparently my window was illegally built. FML

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By dontrapeme - 26/9/2012 10:30 - United States

Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2017 14:00 - United States

Conspiracy.

Today, immediately after placing my order and paying for my meal, the Chinese takeout place lost all power. FML

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By Tony - 17/4/2012 00:57 - United States

Today, my fiancée informed me she'd invited her ex-husband to our wedding at her parents' request. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2018 19:30 - United States

Today, I woke up after being sick from the flu and tried to get out of bed. I forgot I was in a bunk bed and broke my ankle in the fall down. FML

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By fired - 9/8/2013 22:17

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2014 01:22 - United States - Mexico

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

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By applegreen - 16/2/2017 15:00 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, while getting a breast exam for some suspicious lumps, I was lying on the table with my boobs exposed and I learned my doctor is afraid of wasps. I had to chase the wasp out whilst topless. FML

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By wtf - 16/5/2014 22:25 - Australia - Narangba

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2017 20:00

Today, I met my boyfriend's entire extended family at a party. All of them, including his dad, said I looked exactly like his mum. FML

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By roomatewoes - 1/4/2013 00:45 - United States - Northfield

Today, I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator. FML

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By Cantbreath94 - 13/11/2010 06:07 - Canada

Today, while at work, I got a call. They left a voicemail. It was a 7 minute voicemail of the mattress squeaking and my mom screaming my dad's name. I am going to their house for supper tonight. FML

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Top comments

By Bano360 | 25

#5700796 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:15

Grandma strikes again.

By hghrider123456 | 9

#5700804 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:19

Does your grandma happen to be betty white?

COMMENTS

By Bano360 | 25

#5700796 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:15

Grandma strikes again.

Damian95 | 16

#5700976 - Thursday 3 October 2013 15:34

Grandmas are the funniest people because they really don't care anymore.

IndieParadise | 4

#5701017 - Thursday 3 October 2013 16:27

Fact: Grandma's are awesome. :D

KawaiiCupcake | 14

#5701931 - Friday 4 October 2013 5:53

Lol my grannies are like the opposite? Is that bad?

By MsConfusedd | 27

#5700802 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:18

Well at least church was a bit more fun today!

calilovesneb | 12

#5702006 - Friday 4 October 2013 7:13

This post made me think of my pastor who passed away today. RIP Pastor Chuck Smith.

By hghrider123456 | 9

#5700804 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:19

Does your grandma happen to be betty white?

By jennababe98 | 9

#5700805 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:19

I don't care if that wasn't nice of her, your grandma sounds awesome.

ilytyvm | 25

#5700828 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:34

I agree! The woman sounds like she has more of a life than the stereotypical grandmother. haha

By kaiyybee | 10

#5700808 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:20

Well at least she's still fun!

By sarcasticlover | 30

#5700814 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:25

you got an awesome grandma out there!!

By jeorgiar | 1

#5700816 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:26

That's amazing. Usually, when I laugh out loud, nobody hears me.

perdix | 29

#5700865 - Thursday 3 October 2013 13:17

#8, this is a time when it would be appropriate to say "LOL."

You wouldn't want people to think you have no sense of humor just because you have an inaudible laugh. PS: Go easy on the LMAO and LMFAO (I wear a Speedo just to tan my cheeks.)

By anjila77 | 6

#5700819 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:29

She sounds awesome(;

By ohro | 10

#5700822 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:31

Bet you had a great time though. Who wouldn't with an awesome grandma like her

By nattynatters | 14

#5700832 - Thursday 3 October 2013 12:37

Start making weird faces at the pastor and see what happens.