Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
Brenda37 13
She was afraid your junk was too meaty. Take it as a compliment.
MisterMichael 9
Just dip your junk into green dye...problem solved
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (215)
DolphinGirl369 11
I'm a vegan. I'm a girl. And yeah, your girlfriend's excuse is bullshit.
dacheif117 8
******* vegans man
Daesh_fml 9
That's the entire reason she's vegan...
mixerblue 4
Is she brain-damaged?
Iamentertained 13
Technically it is meat.
bshephard3822 9
Nah ******** are vegan, swallowing however is not
LadyCristal 11
I might be confused, but as far as I know vegans do not consume anything that might come from animales (meat, eggs, milk products, etc), or some of its ingrediants contains animals or have been tested on animals. They don't use anything that are made of wool, leather or feathers. In short, nothing that contains anything that were part of animals. The whole idea is related to the respect of animal life, related to the idea that they have the right to live, the right to not be tortured or killed, they are not ours to use or exploit, that's the main point of veganism. Now, explain me how a ******* has anything to do with animals' rights??? Or I'm too wrong about veganism, or this gal had no idea about what she's into when becoming a vegan.
jaydoo 6
Yeah they sometimes refer to that thang as "meat", as in beating same. I guess the soup that is expelled isn't vegetable.
azouwa 26
When one won't another will. Cut your losses, and move on.
John Reichert 6
It on the reason why she's vegan. If she's vegan because she doesn't like to torture animals then tell her that you're torturing that animal by not. by her beliefs she's actually obligated to do it then.