Love: Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent me a birthday present.... - FML

By whasian - 21/09/2009 16:32 - United States

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent me a birthday present. It was a necklace for me to wear at my wedding. The pendant is a well known lesbian symbol. I'm a woman and I'm marrying her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 840

You deserved it 3 108

Broken heart

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Emo teens

By bunnylover - 15/03/2010 16:44 - Canada

Today, my dad and I were in the car when a rabbit scurried across the road, just missing us. My dad turned and said to me, "Well, it's good we didn't hit him. He gets to live another day." I then looked in the rear view mirror to see the rabbit running away from the cross traffic, only to be hit by the car behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 026

You deserved it 3 481

By secretsmakefriends - 15/10/2013 21:43 - United States - Vashon

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 683

You deserved it 5 155

By Anonymous - 19/09/2016 10:05

Today, my girlfriend contacted me. She said she'd thought over her feelings over our temporary break in the relationship, and she wanted to try again. Being my stupid, self-loathing self, I asked her so many questions on if she was sure or not that she went back into doubt and revoked the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 480

You deserved it 11 217

Influencer behavior

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 19:59

Today, I thought it would be cool to take a picture of the guy whose kids I’m babysitting's Tesla and post it on my Instagram, passing it off as mine. I learned to keep my profile private, because the guy found my pic and posted, "Actually that’s my car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 2 074

By Savviecat97 - 25/07/2019 00:01

Today, I finally got to see the results of the new timesheet I made to make things simpler for both the employees and the managers. Apparently, 75% of them don't know how to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 171

By sirenmario - 20/01/2011 00:52

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 937

You deserved it 2 663

By imma ture - 10/08/2015 17:04

Today, I was involved in a debate. Things got out of control, insults were hurled, and by the end friends were lost. The subject of the debate? Whether snot has enough calories in it to be nutritional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 860

You deserved it 6 049

By Chris - 12/08/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 166

You deserved it 46 021

The definition of irony

By Rastaa_Reyes - 16/05/2019 23:52

Today, I went to Wal-Mart with my mom. She kept telling me to put my keys away so I wouldn't lose them. After a few times, I got annoyed and yelled at her. When we got back to her house, I realized I'd lost my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 2 877

By jag talar - 07/09/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I came home to visit my family after a year at college. Expecting to impress them, I proudly informed them that I now speak fluent Swedish. Imagine my surprise when my mother said, "That's a useless language" and everyone agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 228

You deserved it 7 177

By Abu - 25/12/2016 10:05

Today I broke my glasses beyond repair. I am very nearly legally blind. I get my glasses at Walmart and today, Christmas, is the only day out of the entire year that they are closed. Merry Christmas to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 501

You deserved it 1 027

By Ouchmybum - 03/11/2018 12:00

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 505

You deserved it 217

By athletiks - 26/03/2014 22:39 - United States - Pullman

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 972

You deserved it 40 564

By Anonycock - 06/01/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 765

You deserved it 3 881

By Anonymous - 12/08/2009 20:12 - Denmark

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 672

You deserved it 3 304

By JRock - 22/02/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, at my softball game, there was one spot left for center field. The coach had to choose between me or the girl who forgot her glasses and was blind without them. He chose her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 830

You deserved it 4 853

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 08:43 - United States

Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 304

You deserved it 22 509

By StickyWicket - 14/05/2019 18:00

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 117

Get back to work

By wavenixv - 27/08/2021 10:01

Today, I got an email from our district manager, telling me I cannot use my vacation days as sick time. I've run out of sick days and I have a severe injury that I've taken medical leave for. When it flares up, it feels like I’m being stabbed. He knows this, but doesn’t acknowledge it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 47

By arachnidphobia - 03/01/2010 03:22 - United States

Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 701

You deserved it 3 455

Depressing

By Anonymous - 16/08/2013 04:24 - United States - Orlando

Today, I received a text saying, "I don't think we should be friends anymore. You're terribly depressing and you make everyone unhappy" followed by, "Oops, wrong person!" and then by, "Sorry, it really is for you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 194

You deserved it 4 846

By Anonymous - 03/10/2013 03:00 - United States - Decatur

Today, my parents favoritism towards my brother really shone through when we moved house and he got the nicest and by far biggest room. I wouldn't mind, but my brother is in college overseas and never comes home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 319

You deserved it 2 671

By flowerchildd2 - 12/12/2011 23:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 326

You deserved it 3 010

By howsthisforaname - 24/05/2012 12:59 - United Kingdom - Kingston Upon Hull

Today, after my old downstairs neighbor, who would come upstairs to bang on my door and yell at me every time she heard a sound from me at all times of the day, had finally moved out, it became clear that my new downstairs neighbor gets drunk and yells at the TV in the early hours of the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 704

You deserved it 2 131

By Dear God Why - 05/12/2016 13:07

Today, I finally determined the source of the horrible smell that periodically invades my apartment: there's nothing wrong with the plumbing as I previously thought, I can just smell my neighbors pooping in their bathroom on the other side of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 325

You deserved it 710

By Anonymous - 17/04/2019 14:00

Today, while working at a grocery store, I spent about 30 minutes pushing carts inside in a blizzard. Not even 10 minutes after I had finished, I looked out the window and saw that not only had the snow completely stopped, but the sun was shining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 879

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 15:28 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 358

You deserved it 3 513

By stranded - 27/09/2010 05:56 - United States

Today, my friend's van ran out of gas on an expressway off-ramp. After pushing it to the shoulder, we walked to a gas station and got a can of gas. We got back to the van to find that the battery had died from leaving on the lights and hazards to avoid an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 622

You deserved it 7 630

High times

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 10:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 949

You deserved it 1 619

Creeped out

By Anonymous - 26/03/2020 14:06

Today, I found out my husband only started to date me because he thinks I look like his daughter. She was 5 at that time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 863

You deserved it 127

By Alpheas - 30/05/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, a four pound can of tuna fell on my head at work, and it burst all over my clothes. Since I'm the manager, I had to stay all day reeking of tuna. Now I'm home, my damn cat won't leave me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 557

You deserved it 4 419

By Anonymous - 04/01/2010 07:01 - United States

Today, I realized that getting an awesome new phone with all the new bells and whistles doesn't mean that people will now actually want to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 989

You deserved it 27 301

By anon - 01/07/2011 19:22 - United States

Today, I ran to my car and zoomed to work to avoid being late. I was in such a hurry, I forgot to close all my windows. When I got back to my car, I found a dead squirrel inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 342

You deserved it 8 822

Itchy butt

By peachezthelette - 27/12/2020 19:58

Today, while at work, I had to explain over the phone to my 33-year-old boyfriend how to use Preparation H. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 98

By sorrygranny - 21/01/2013 16:11 - United States

Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 080

You deserved it 41 266

By Anonymous - 13/08/2018 18:30

Today, I was in school when a guy grabbed my breast, so I swore at him and shoved him away. I got detention and he walked away unpunished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 718

You deserved it 216

By ouch - 09/12/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 035

You deserved it 76 151

Something is about to bust

By Stigmamma - 30/05/2021 20:01

Today, I had an ultrasound which required me to have a full bladder. I arrived on time, bladder full, only to be stuck in waiting room limbo for 40 mins. I nearly exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 59

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 17:13 - United States - Lakeland

Spicy

Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 761

You deserved it 5 246

By ThatsIncentive - 15/12/2016 01:59 - United States - Granite Bay

Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 903

You deserved it 1 115

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Top comments

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:16

Well known lesbian symbol ? I dont know any lesbian symbols ...

donkey_hang_down 2

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:15

After the operation he is her son. Maybe she is trying to tell you what he didnt

Comments

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:15

Ow that hurts. Maybe she's sending you a signal. First

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Monday 21 September 2009 22:00

I bet you cry "First!" when you're having sex, too...

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Monday 21 September 2009 22:05

hahaha good one! xD

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Monday 21 September 2009 22:14

Yeah, we miss out on all that virus fun and we think Trojans a brand of condoms.

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Monday 21 September 2009 22:19

He can't proclaim 'first' during sex... He's done both hands many, many times.

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 0:15

Who the hell came up with Trogans for the condom. The Trojans let the horse in and the thing that wasn't supposed to get in got in.

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 1:15

I agree. Worst product name ever. Except for Ayds Diet Candy. I am sure that the name Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome was created by the people at Dexatrim. Before we started to hear about AIDS in the early 1980's, there was a diet candy called Ayds. The disease actually helped you lose weight faster, but it also caused death. The candy did not survive.

JFox 8

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 10:20

The horse was needed because of Troy's insurmountable wall.

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Monday 21 June 2010 5:21

jjk

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Sunday 4 July 2010 7:41

dude this has been submitted before and it was like 2 months ago op if ur gonna copy someone try one that's little older fyl indeed

Zestus 19

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Sunday 5 May 2013 0:35

Yeah but if the horse is akin to the condom then the soldiers are...

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:15

act like you are coming on to her

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Monday 21 September 2009 23:06

Or maybe she did? We must step aside and ponder.... _____________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99

donkey_hang_down 2

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:15

After the operation he is her son. Maybe she is trying to tell you what he didnt

judgeymcjudge 0

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:19

After that "Ben" FML, you really have to wonder... >.>

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:16

Well known lesbian symbol ? I dont know any lesbian symbols ...

donkey_hang_down 2

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:19

When you say interlocked, are you talking about the scissor? MMM scissoring

PositiveChillout 0

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Monday 21 September 2009 22:12

Scissor me crazy!!

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Monday 21 September 2009 22:53

Pink triangle.

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Monday 21 September 2009 23:07

It's two female symbols (O+) interlocked.

redbluegreen 40

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Monday 21 September 2009 23:33

Oh, how I love having these symbols available on hand. ;D ♀ Too bad there isn't a lesbian one... Yet. In case anyone ever wants it, here's the male one as well. ♂

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Monday 21 September 2009 23:52

Scissor me timbers!

Klabauterpete 0

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 2:19

OP should have been more specific. But I don't think it's this, because it would be too obvious.

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 3:12

LESBIAN SYMBOL: http://rlv.zcache.com/pink_triangle_tshirt-p235181698353325621qmkd_400.jpg

donkey_hang_down 2

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 18:43

Scissor like its 1999.

lag96 7

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Saturday 20 August 2011 8:44

rainbow?

Bea_FaCurtains 17

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Monday 17 October 2011 8:03

Dolphin?

allmidnighteyes 10

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:16

I hope you know her "son" only LOOKS like a guy

xXCrazyPersonXx 0

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Monday 12 April 2010 1:43

Yes!! This ^^

Oajng 0

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:18

Hey, dont get offended! its only a rainbow! Or maybe her "son" hasnt told you yet he is a girl :)

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:18

She was probably telling you that she wants you. She wants you bad. FYL.

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:32

^This.

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Monday 21 September 2009 23:11

Yeah. This.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv 2

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Monday 22 February 2010 4:22

haha and I love the propic

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:19

That may be, but it still is a little insulting.

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 19:20

stop trying

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:19

Thinking she had no idea what the symbol was and just thought it was pretty or interesting.

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:20

Nautical Star?

allmidnighteyes 10

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:20

aaaand he strikes again.

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:21

rofl good one plexico

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:22

I would think you were gay for your "Apple logo" too, rainbow striped or not. ;)

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:47

Oh, Toxi, you just want to think you "converted" me back to straight when you have your way with me.

catatonicsleep 17

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Monday 21 September 2009 21:52

maybe she knew the story behind the logo....

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Monday 21 September 2009 22:02

Yeah, you're right. More of a conquest that way. :) You and your damn Macs. Ugh.

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 0:22

how would an apple logo make you gay?

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 4:32

It's a joke, CL41RE. Oh, I'm so sorry I have a running joke/conversation with another user! I guess I'll let you into the loop. I was jokingly disagreeing with him for the sake of argument and fun. I was putting down all Apple products just to disagree. There.

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Tuesday 22 September 2009 7:10

Seriously, 40? It's a joke, YOU must have a really low self esteem if subtext's comment put you down. and I'm glad I clicked "reply to #40" and FML put my reply on another comment.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 98

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 92