Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML
Today, I was so envious of my thin, pretty, genetically perfect sister getting a date that I lied to my mom, saying she was a prostitute. I made a fake escort page and used her pics. My mom lost her shit and kicked my sister out, but now the guilt is eating me up. FML
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML
Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML
Today, my job interview got canceled. I later found out it's because my sister got the brilliant idea to go talk to the manager to "advocate" for me, and they thought I put her up to it. FML
Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML
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Top comments
christina3466 17
Maybe Justin Bieber will hire you.
annarcheer 19
Oh my gosh that is so rude.
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Comments (136)
soulebelius 17
You list your hobbies on your résumé?
slyde32 12
you can tell a lot by someone's activities outside of work
PinkishToe 9
when you have never worked before, that's usually something the school teaches you to do
kcgatsby 8
text her boss and said she have herpes.
empeterson23 11
That really sucks, but that's sort of your fault for not re-reading it over whenever you send it out.
GentlemanBastard 15
Agreed. Your resume is something you may want to occasionally read over to make sure it's correct and relevant for your applications. Though that is a pretty ****** up thing to do to someone.
PokeZilla 9
Even though your sister is a dick, I'm pretty sure she probably thought you'd at least read it over before and after printing it out. I'd be careful in case word gets out to other employers that "you" are just a prankster that's not really willing to work.
lixarodriguez 7
bet that's the job she wants
evistman 12
You deserve it. You should always look over and change your résumé for every job you apply for
missbrit818 20
What a terrible evil sister!!
LostInTheZone11 29
This would be my revenge, the Sugar Free Candy laxative joke, along with IcyHot in her underwear.
Anony2014 10
This DEFINITELY needs a follow up post.
SasquatchDeluxe 10
You didn't check your resume every time you submitted it? YDI in a big way. Don't blame your sister…if you need someone to get mad at, try looking in a mirror.