Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML
Today, I was so envious of my thin, pretty, genetically perfect sister getting a date that I lied to my mom, saying she was a prostitute. I made a fake escort page and used her pics. My mom lost her shit and kicked my sister out, but now the guilt is eating me up. FML
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML
Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML
Today, my job interview got canceled. I later found out it's because my sister got the brilliant idea to go talk to the manager to "advocate" for me, and they thought I put her up to it. FML
Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
christina3466 17
Maybe Justin Bieber will hire you.
annarcheer 19
Oh my gosh that is so rude.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (136)
sporty_14 5
LMAO
missijean11 8
This is why you read it before you send it. Every time!
Bowser4Life 4
There is something called proofreading... advisable thing to do before sending a resume, especially if you want to direct it at the Hiring Manager...
Eltobak 13
I accualy think u deserves this a bit for noy eaven watching your resume for a cupple of months
seraph255 0
Kind of seems like your fault for not proof reading your resume before submitting it. Even if I don't add anything to mineat before I new job I always check.
justawallflower 27
Tasha sounds mean
tiggs81 3
now you know to proof read your resumes before u hand em out
IWishIWasObama 12
why are you not proofreading your resumes? your supposed to tailor them to meet the job reqs. you deserve it for sending in generic resumes.
pbenecew 9
YDI its called proofreading before sending.
fantasyworld 39
Why wouldn't you proof read it?