Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML
Today, I was so envious of my thin, pretty, genetically perfect sister getting a date that I lied to my mom, saying she was a prostitute. I made a fake escort page and used her pics. My mom lost her shit and kicked my sister out, but now the guilt is eating me up. FML
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML
Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML
Today, my job interview got canceled. I later found out it's because my sister got the brilliant idea to go talk to the manager to "advocate" for me, and they thought I put her up to it. FML
Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML
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Top comments
christina3466 17
Maybe Justin Bieber will hire you.
annarcheer 19
Oh my gosh that is so rude.
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Comments (136)
trex454 21
and you didn't go over your résumé before handing it to a potential employer because?
DriAA7 17
Because of FML I proofread anything I send out! This app has made me paranoid!
jairienfaite 20
This, right there. That is a life lesson OP. If you can't double check something so personal and important, maybe you wouldn't be a good employee to begin with.
Brandi_Faith 34
Ya, I don't get this either. He just printed off his resume without double checking what was written? He doesn't deserve it, but at the same time I feel like OP screwed up big time.
chinaski7628 32
OP said his sister changed it months ago, so I find it odd that in all that time, after not getting any calls or interviews, OP didn't think maybe he needed to punch up his resume and look it over. Maybe it's just me, but I like to highlight skills or experience that might give me an edge for whatever job I'm applying for. What the sister did is still totally uncalled for, but if you're actively job hunting, you really should be revising your resume more than once every few months.
ligerzero459 24
#79 It's not judgemental, it's a fundamental part of job searching. If you can't take the time to re-read your resume before submitting it each time, you don't need to be working there anyway
sirpantselot 22
It should be tweaked slightly each time to suit the specific job you're applying for. So yes, you should be checking every detail every time you send it.
ligerzero459 24
#123 Exactly. It's called resume targeting and as someone who just finished a job search, if you're not doing it, you're doing it wrong
DigitalDemon 7
That's not funny at all, that's completely horrible. I'm really sorry to hear that. :( Hopefully when it's fixed you'll have a job in no time! (:
metal_freak_93 4
i'm sorry but that is the funniest thing I've ever heard.. your life sucks camel dick
maximus_prime 24
More like camel toe, just like Justin Biebers.
watermelon15 35
Revenge is sweet, use it to your advantage. It's sweeter than Justin's pussy lol
MandySnelly 4
FYL for her doing that but also YDI for not proofreading your resume'
Carpetstar 2
I would punch her right in the face. I'm sorry. Destroy her !
Blizzicus 20
ydi for not proofreading
bosniangirl27 21
Dont you look at your resume before you send it?
jadeystram 3
If you're applying to multiple jobs daily you attach it to an email and send it. You assume it's going to look just how it did last time you updated it because who would expect someone to do something so nasty to it :/
LalaDee561 8
That really sucks and your sister is a bitch. I would want to kill her if I was in your shoes, but I put that you deserved it. You would think that in all of those months you would have checked your resume at least once? I've applied for hundreds of jobs online and I simply attach my resume and send it in, but every now and then I read it just to see if it's OK. And whenever I print it I always read it. I say you kill your sister, fix your resume, and always always proof read it from now on.
Sandsh8rk 36
Well at least she didn't put your alias as 'Mr. Hands'.