Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML
Today, I was so envious of my thin, pretty, genetically perfect sister getting a date that I lied to my mom, saying she was a prostitute. I made a fake escort page and used her pics. My mom lost her shit and kicked my sister out, but now the guilt is eating me up. FML
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML
Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML
Today, my job interview got canceled. I later found out it's because my sister got the brilliant idea to go talk to the manager to "advocate" for me, and they thought I put her up to it. FML
Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML
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Top comments
christina3466 17
Maybe Justin Bieber will hire you.
annarcheer 19
Oh my gosh that is so rude.
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Comments (136)
tingtingmeg 12
do you read your resume?
pjsmamasan 10
My initial reaction was.... how did you not do one more check before sending it out..... but then realized that ice never proof read anything in my life lol your sister is bogus haha
Loboman 6
Months ago? Yeah, she is the reason you cant get a job, and not your lack of effort to actually get one. Lucky your parents let you live at home still. What are you 30?
hordriss 14
That sucks, but you should really check the document before sending it out.
lmbachman 23
As much as I feel sorry for you, YDI. When you're job searching, you don't just send out a standard résumé to everyone--you tailor it to each specific company. You should've caught that before you even sent it out wrong the first time.
ramdomaccount 13
Don't you read your résumé before you send it
Ohshitdude 21
And thats why they teach proof reading in school.
amisenho 11
Hopefully, the jobs you're applying to don't require you to proofread or double-check your work before you turn it in. I know I check my resume at least three times before submitting it to any hiring firm, and even then, I tweak some of the wording if it sounds awkward when I read it aloud. Always *always* review your resume; there's no excuse not to!
octinate 17
At least you know now that you are employable and the only reason you couldn't find a job was because of her silliness
lynds71 12
And why didn't you look at your resume before you handed it in...duh.