Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML
Today, I was so envious of my thin, pretty, genetically perfect sister getting a date that I lied to my mom, saying she was a prostitute. I made a fake escort page and used her pics. My mom lost her shit and kicked my sister out, but now the guilt is eating me up. FML
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML
Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML
Today, my job interview got canceled. I later found out it's because my sister got the brilliant idea to go talk to the manager to "advocate" for me, and they thought I put her up to it. FML
Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML
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Top comments
christina3466 17
Maybe Justin Bieber will hire you.
annarcheer 19
Oh my gosh that is so rude.
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Comments (136)
Scoutman 5
Time to put "spend six months in a body cast" on her resume
msnique1 5
I would've probably had to choke her out
tonyfan00 38
Time to break out the duct tape...
CommanderWoof 10
I am sorry, but YDI. There is no excuse for not proof-reading/merely checking your resume before sending it to each employer.
MCIC 1
HA. LOL
globalgirly33 2
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that "attention to detail" wasn't in your highlighted skillset...
mkayden 23
That's so ****** up, yet hilarious.
twodotgirl 8
ur sister is a bitch
crazycly 7
I'm with #123 also. Total YDI!
Sniper_Chick4110 20
I have a sister, we do pranks like this on each other and our parents all the time, even now, living out of home. I love that cheeky quality in people. Hope you didn't miss out on a job you really wanted, but honestly if you want something that bad YDI for not double checking and editing your own resume before sending.