Intimacy: Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is...

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 511

You deserved it 3 838

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Same thing different taste

Good friend

By Lisa - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I slept with a friend who always bitches about how he can't keep a girlfriend. When he finished within 3 minutes, I understood why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 398

You deserved it 1 129

Forever the bridesmaid

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 14:02

Today, after watching my roommate and her boyfriend be all lovey dovey for months, I now have to watch two of our other friends flirting as well. I'm painfully single and have been struggling to change that for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 229

Amnesiac

By sexytime - 02/09/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, my best friend, who I've had serious feelings for for over a year, decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost two years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with, "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up six months ago. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 951

You deserved it 4 250

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 819

You deserved it 4 928

Unrequited and stuck

By Anonymous - 19/05/2020 02:00

Today, I'm crushing so hard on my male roommate that I've basically become a doormat for him. Meanwhile, he's on the phone for hours with the pretty girl he met over Tinder. I feel pathetic, stupid and jealous, which I have no right to be. Worst part, we're still quarantined together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 687

You deserved it 782

By damn - 09/04/2014 21:12 - United States - Kenton

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 490

You deserved it 8 038

Get on with it!

By not sexy anymore - 28/07/2020 05:01

Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 957

You deserved it 339

Gagging for it

By Anonymous - 20/02/2023 14:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 267

By f4444 - 21/12/2015 05:38 - United States - Highland Park

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 176

You deserved it 2 613

Get me out of here

By Creeped_out_n_stuck - 05/08/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 616

You deserved it 3 735

benshady 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 10:45

he's got to get it from somewhere so grab a rubber and get hot and steamy with him

topramen 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 9:59

awesome... maybe you should have taken your top off?

Comments

shannondotjpeg 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 9:50

ROFL naww.

isacn187 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 9:51

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

nazooer 11

Wednesday 21 October 2009 22:53

u fail at life

CruelHumor 0

Thursday 12 May 2011 6:56

lol win^

topramen 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 9:59

awesome... maybe you should have taken your top off?

Cristaderzi 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 10:07

Well then help him out.

youaresofucked 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 15:31

Yeah, stop moaning about it on FML. If youre his only girl-friend and you havent ****** him by now then it stands to reason that its ALL YOURE fault that he's grumpy.

angeluv_2014 22

Monday 11 March 2013 20:03

this was my thought also

benshady 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 10:45

he's got to get it from somewhere so grab a rubber and get hot and steamy with him

Mx_Rider 6

Wednesday 21 October 2009 11:32

i agree with the above^^^^ he has to get it from some where right then and there u should have showed him ur ****!

th_fml 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 11:57

AWKWARD MAXIMUS LOL

Dizzygrl08 4

Tuesday 8 June 2010 5:52

(referring to the comments) men are idiotic >.<. If your friend needs sex that badly, give him 100 bucks so he can get a hooker. I'm sure you yourself wouldn't want to do him