Intimacy: Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the...

By f4444 - 21/12/2015 05:38 - United States - Highland Park

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 025

You deserved it 2 580

Intimacy

Batman

Late term

You light up my life

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

By MandiJo - 19/02/2021 11:01

Today, my fiancé/son’s father’s death anniversary is in a few days. I asked my closest friends if they’d hang with me so I could try and keep my mind off it, and so I wouldn’t be alone (my son will be with fiancé’s parents). They couldn’t be bothered and want to go away for the weekend instead. Without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 124

Drip drip drip

By ewww - 03/04/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 128

You deserved it 5 207

By jlee0000785 - 17/09/2012 14:15 - Australia

Today, the guy I have been seeing left town to visit his family for three weeks. A few hours later, he called me from the airport to say he is never coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 993

You deserved it 2 194

By Anonymous - 05/12/2014 13:44 - United States - San Bruno

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 781

You deserved it 7 665

By littlelottie - 17/01/2012 17:04 - United States

Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She's 45. She's not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 522

You deserved it 3 582

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 20:34 - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 720

You deserved it 32 163

By boyfriendless - 10/04/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a five year old boy. Somehow the topic of relationships came up, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him that I was single, he got all excited and asked if he could be my boyfriend. It would have been cute except he was the first guy to ever ask me out. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 793

You deserved it 6 168

Sing me to sleep…

By anonymous - 25/09/2020 20:01

Today, my best friend informed me that he had lost his virginity to my sister, which I already knew. However, he told me the location. My room. While I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 118

By my patience is starting to crack - 12/06/2017 22:00

Today, while working at a retail, I was checking on a customer who had been in one of the dressing rooms for over an hour. After knocking for 10 minutes, I unlocked the door myself, only to find the customer sitting on the floor, smoking crack. This isn't even the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 919

You deserved it 221

By isuckatparking. seriously. - 16/01/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a hurry to get to my exams. I’m a new driver so my parking was a little crooked but I didn’t have time to fix it. I was expecting to come back to a note on my car. I wasn’t expecting three of my tires to be slashed and the words “I Suck At Parking” to be keyed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 783

You deserved it 1 008

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 04:49

Today, I set up a date between my roommate, who I'm in love with, and his crush, who I'm jealous of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 957

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 18:02 - United States

Today, someone left sticky notes with inspirational messages on everyone's locker. Well, almost everyone. My locker was the only one without a note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 551

You deserved it 1 907

Keep your nose out of my life

By maggie - 24/05/2021 04:00

Today, while buying laxatives and really hoping the cashier wouldn’t make some snarky comment, the cashier said, "You know, that’s not a good way to lose weight." I had to explain to him that I’m actually constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 61

By unlucky - 19/09/2009 19:05 - United Kingdom

Today, was my birthday. I asked for a camera - nothing fancy, just a basic digital camera. My mother bought my brother a fancy digital camera, with all the accessories, for over £200. She then gave me his old, analogue camera, that I can't get film for anymore. He hates taking photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 097

You deserved it 3 052

By back to cock-hunting - 15/11/2014 19:58 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, on our second date, the unemployed guy I'm seeing tried to convince me to open a joint bank account in our name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 009

You deserved it 5 000

By anonynous - 27/06/2015 15:01 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 623

You deserved it 3 611

By Username - 14/08/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 743

You deserved it 10 456

By cupcake_butt - 17/10/2011 08:39 - United States

Today, my 28-year-old brother who has been pranking me all my life, put a chocolate cupcake on my chair. I sat on it, with my white dress. On my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 998

You deserved it 4 378

By iamamermaid - 20/01/2015 06:14 - United States - Hemet

Today, I decided to use an at-home waxing kit for the first time to get rid of the hair on my upper lip. After experiencing the trauma of waxing, I fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up to see that I now have acne everywhere I had waxed. I have an acne mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 971

You deserved it 4 766

By Noname - 31/12/2008 18:03 - France

Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 631

You deserved it 4 355

By radiating - 09/03/2012 04:53

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 713

You deserved it 3 189

By Undercooked - 24/09/2013 19:08 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 802

You deserved it 4 730

By Anonymous - 30/12/2009 08:23 - United States

Today, I received a $105 parking ticket for being in a handicapped space. The lines were covered by snow, and the sign was on the building twenty feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 058

You deserved it 5 325

By spiderchick23 - 10/02/2011 00:41 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 442

You deserved it 2 831

By HatedGrandson - 07/01/2013 00:50 - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 579

You deserved it 2 148

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 645

You deserved it 5 423

By lonethong15 - 08/08/2014 22:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 689

You deserved it 3 896

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:06 - Kazakhstan

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me. I was upset. One minute later another text from her said "sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 019

You deserved it 3 670

By thanksmom - 09/01/2013 19:57 - United States - Tucson

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 561

You deserved it 7 747

Business is business

By Anonymous - 08/04/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom

Today, my lawyer lied to me about how much of a settlement she won for my workplace accident. I got £20,000, but she lied and kept £55,000 for herself. My lawyer is my wife, and she claims she’s entitled to that money since she’s the one who’s really suffered caring for me during my recovery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 177

By surfer - 21/07/2014 17:14 - United States - New York

Today, I went surfing, got a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 153

You deserved it 26 179

By soon to be unemployed - 28/01/2014 22:36 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my boss let me know that I'm being laid off, via a text message that ended in "lmao". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 621

You deserved it 3 933

By so much pain... - 09/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, I tried to fight my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend because she told me he used to beat her. Turns out, she was lying to “impress” me, and her ex has a black belt in taekwondo. I’m in excruciating pain right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 029

You deserved it 4 683

By tinydancer - 10/05/2012 18:10 - United States - Richmond

Today, I went to a party dressed as a zombie. Everyone admired my hilarious "zombie dancing". Those were my regular dance moves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 161

You deserved it 5 207

A new enemy

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 02:01 - United States - Great Mills

Today, my cat jumped into my lap and sat on my headphone cord. I tried to get it out from under her by pulling on it. Big mistake. My cat is now eyeing the cord and will attack it if I move it again. I have expensive headphones and the cord is not interchangeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 385

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 04:59 - Canada

Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 320

You deserved it 2 715

By Emily - 03/01/2013 06:42 - United States - Arlington

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me by writing on my bathroom mirror in Sharpie. What did he write? "Hi, I'm Emily. I'm fat, ugly, and now single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 006

You deserved it 4 888

By fuckedover - 26/02/2013 16:43 - United States

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 370

You deserved it 4 677

By cramps - 17/09/2009 13:59 - Australia

Today, I got my period. 10 minutes into a 3 hour exam. Apparently they are serious when they say you may not leave the room under any circumstances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 131

You deserved it 3 980

By anonymous - 05/09/2014 16:17 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend was about to sneeze. To avoid getting his new tablet wet, he chose to sneeze right into my face instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 923

You deserved it 3 876

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Top comments

MsConfusedd 27

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Monday 21 December 2015 15:58

At least you know you're still exclusive!

Hilda_x 25

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Monday 21 December 2015 16:05

Don't be okay with being someone's last resort. Move on and find a guy that's going to choose you first.

Etweens96 25

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Monday 21 December 2015 15:58

Don't worry OP, you'll find someone better!

BulgyCashew33 16

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Tuesday 22 December 2015 2:07

Why are their so many dislikes to this comment

Seabass_Chan 33

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Tuesday 22 December 2015 7:17

Because humans are pessimistic at times. Whether realistically or unrealistically, you decide.

MsConfusedd 27

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Monday 21 December 2015 15:58

At least you know you're still exclusive!

gorgeous_vixen95 12

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 11:20

Why does this have so many likes and the actually good comment has so many dislikes?!?

beeferjay 34

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Monday 21 December 2015 15:58

wow just wow

freddygasman 18

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Monday 21 December 2015 19:39

no, just no. go away with your pointless comment.

Hammer1722 19

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Tuesday 22 December 2015 6:28

Listen to your own advice #24

LetsGetFreaky 20

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Monday 21 December 2015 16:03

Dump his ass and move on dont worry you will find someone way better then that guy

gorgeous_vixen95 12

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 11:21

Why does this have so many dislikes too??

holyshmolly 13

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Monday 21 December 2015 16:04

Well at least you know u have choices yet he doesn't

DjeePee 24

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Monday 21 December 2015 20:46

You did understand that her boyfriend only visits her when his other girls are unavailable? So talking about choices is a bit weird in this context.

vsus98 22

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Monday 21 December 2015 23:42

Re-read the post slowly.

gorgeous_vixen95 12

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 11:23

#27...reread it....he doesn't have any other girls....NO ONE sleeps with him. He can't get anyone else except her.

Calingaladha 21

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Monday 21 December 2015 16:04

And now you know why.

Hilda_x 25

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Monday 21 December 2015 16:05

Don't be okay with being someone's last resort. Move on and find a guy that's going to choose you first.

iHateHippiesToo 6

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Tuesday 22 December 2015 0:37

So, someone with even fewer options?

TheDragonsGuard 19

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Monday 21 December 2015 16:06

Well, now literally no one will be sleeping with him!

2fst4ufrl 8

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Monday 21 December 2015 16:06

Are you hot

holyshmolly 13

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Monday 21 December 2015 16:08

Are u stupid?

countryb_cth 38

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Tuesday 22 December 2015 11:37

When calling someone stupid you should probably spell "you" properly.

kamr3n 13

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Monday 21 December 2015 16:06

At least you won't be cheated on!

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 71

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 2 513

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

Drip drip drip

Sing me to sleep…

Keep your nose out of my life

Business is business

A new enemy

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