Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I slept with a friend who always bitches about how he can't keep a girlfriend. When he finished within 3 minutes, I understood why. FML
Today, after watching my roommate and her boyfriend be all lovey dovey for months, I now have to watch two of our other friends flirting as well. I'm painfully single and have been struggling to change that for years. FML
Today, my best friend, who I've had serious feelings for for over a year, decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost two years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with, "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up six months ago. Three times. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
Today, I'm crushing so hard on my male roommate that I've basically become a doormat for him. Meanwhile, he's on the phone for hours with the pretty girl he met over Tinder. I feel pathetic, stupid and jealous, which I have no right to be. Worst part, we're still quarantined together. FML
Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML
Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML
Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML
Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML
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Top comments
benshady 0
he's got to get it from somewhere so grab a rubber and get hot and steamy with him
topramen 0
awesome... maybe you should have taken your top off?
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Comments (87)
kukopia 0
As a friend, it's your opening to help him. Tell him how gaudy is cloths are. How ugly his hair cut is. How nausiating his hygine is. How repulsive his social skills are. How anti-social his life is. How he's to cheap to get a hooker isn't your problem. Some guys need a good friend to give them a hint. Some need a 2x4 to the back of the head.
transilvanianson 3
I completely agree
FromCFL 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI--You're a woman, he's a man. That's the "natural" order of things, isn't it?
lmfaosuckit 0
tell him that's why he couldn't get laid...cant just keep his eyes on the boobs =.=
TAST3MYRAINB00Wx 0
worst fml ever how is it an fml if your guy friend finds your body attractive? its more of an fml for him since he hasnt gotten laid in a year attention seeker... GET OVER YOURSELF!
TAST3MYRAINB00Wx 0
worst fml ever how is it an fml if your guy friend finds your body attractive? its more of an fml for him since he hasnt gotten laid in a year attention seeker... GET OVER YOURSELF!
MiseryMan 0
Just give the guy a hand job. I don't know why girls feel so awkward about that situation-- it's just fapping a guy's junk for a few minutes.
ragsy 7
Jeez, give the poor guy a pity ****.
monster_tamer 11
It could be simply that OP doesn't WANT to do it, guys. For most women, sex isn't done arbitrarily. Be reasonable.
perdix 31
Tell him, "Dude, don't stare at the **** until you have been allowed to play with them." It's the opposite of shopping where you look at the merchandise before you purchase it and use it. With ****, you have to purchase them first (dinner and a movie is the standard fee, or a few drinks), then you get to play with them and THEN you can start to look at them.
transilvanianson 3
agreed
Lilman11 0
go ahead and ride his **** and suck his dick talk dirty and shit in his mouth I wuld love that I bet u r sexy I wuld **** u so hard
ashylarry 0
desperate much?
iplantzy 0
WTF?
naya_bingi 11
You are so nasty. And probably 13... Gross
LissaMccracken 23
Umm... That's a creepy as **** comment.