Miscellaneous: Today, my roommate pressed "snooze" on his alarm 14 times. I... - FML

By roommateprobssss:( - 11/12/2012 15:57 - United States

Today, my roommate pressed "snooze" on his alarm 14 times. I counted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 213

You deserved it 2 628

Mama's boy

Walk on the wild side

The truth will out

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 027

You deserved it 104 151

By SchoolSucks - 19/02/2013 17:05 - United States

Today, it's my first day at a new school. I transferred here halfway through the year to get away from a girl who bullies me. She's apparently bullied her mom into transferring her here as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 309

You deserved it 3 194

(That's 77° in Freedom Units)

By Anonymous - 19/05/2018 20:30

Today, we're having my grandmother over. Because we don't have a guest room, she is sleeping in mine. It is 25°C at night and she is sleeping naked with her dog right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 941

You deserved it 347

By Bathroom Problems - 02/01/2010 19:24 - France

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 663

You deserved it 3 920

By lovinglife - 24/12/2011 12:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I wrapped my boyfriend's Christmas presents for him, because he was too lazy to do it himself. This included my own present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 505

You deserved it 6 327

By hatesurf - 26/06/2009 17:23 - Peru

Today, I was surfing. I saw a cop writing a ticket for my car, I swam as fast as I could to stop him, I got caught in a wave, and smashed onto the rocks. I ended up with a huge bleeding scratch on my back, a broken surfboard, and a note saying that I had a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 463

You deserved it 9 934

By KittKatt - 20/05/2015 05:34 - United States - Lehighton

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 926

You deserved it 4 539

By moutz - 20/07/2009 07:13 - Australia

Today, I met with an important client to talk about his stake in the company. The guy was at least 80 years old. After taking care of business we spoke about my final year at the company. As he got up to leave he said "Good luck in your final year". Without thinking, I replied "You too". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 286

You deserved it 15 301

By Alone - 28/12/2012 05:24 - United States

Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 251

You deserved it 8 872

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 01/08/2020 17:00

Today, my idea of partying is vacuuming the house. Because that’s the only time when I have a legitimate excuse to wear headphones, listen to music and not be available for my grandma to call out to me because she wants something or other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 129

By trippybmth - 23/12/2014 00:54 - United States

Today, after doing tons of research on a wand my little brother wanted for Christmas, I finally found one on eBay for $60. After already giving my credit card info and confirming the purchase, my dad called me and told me he found the exact same one for six bucks at a local toy store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 613

You deserved it 6 886

By mymidlifecrisis - 08/09/2016 04:53 - United States - Valley Village

Today, after years in a relationship I realized that my partner does not like the music I listen to, the food I cook, the pictures I take, the way I dress. The only thing she likes is when I take her out to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 876

You deserved it 1 365

#1 Dad of the day

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 05:02

Today, according to my husband, our son is at the difficult age where he can finally speak fluent English, but is still too childishly dumb to say anything interesting, intelligent or frankly worth listening to at all. There are times I wish I was a divorced single mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 411

By perpetuallyscrewed - 06/10/2009 04:06

Today, after nearly eight months of unemployment, I started a great new job. After seven and a half hours of work, my new boss comes up to tell me what a great job I was doing, but that he somehow forgot to clear the new hire with the company owner, so I'm fired. Hello, unemployment... again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 796

You deserved it 2 169

It's not me, it's you

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 14:01

Today, my boyfriend of the last 2 years, who is suicidal and heavily depressed, left me because he thinks I "deserve better". Not to mention I was his best friend, therapist, mother and girlfriend all in one. He left me with rent due in a week and all other expenses because he couldn’t take care of me in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 499

You deserved it 2 126

By Anna - 20/01/2019 16:00

Today, I went into a gynecology appointment to find out my IUD had apparently fallen out without me knowing. What tipped me off? My pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 699

You deserved it 293

By Uh oh.... - 05/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 2 669

By BirthdayTeeth - 16/06/2009 11:14 - United Arab Emirates

Today, it was my 18th birthday. I got one thing: a fancy electric toothbrush from my little sister. I would say I'm happy to have something rather than nothing, except, for as long as the toothbrush works, there will be a Hannah Montana concert going on in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 941

You deserved it 4 236

By skygoddess - 28/07/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 412

You deserved it 3 321

By CutieBooty - 22/02/2011 21:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 292

You deserved it 35 633

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, I went to a football game. During a time out, my face appeared on the Jumbotron during the Kiss Cam segment. I was sitting next to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 393

You deserved it 2 874

Once bitten…

By Ben Moy - 02/02/2021 07:57 - United States - Wallingford

Today, after worrying for years about grinding my teeth after various dentists mentioned seeing evidence. Apparently, this worry manifested as subconsciously putting my tongue in the way at night, to the point where I have an open bite at 39 when I never had a problem before. I can't bite through sushi or sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 95

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 20:31 - United Kingdom - Truro

Today, I had a conversation with a girl I don't normally talk to. She ended up saying I'm "not as annoying as everyone says." and "Oh... you didn't know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 104

You deserved it 3 342

By sarahbeth93 - 20/07/2011 04:07 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend to stop tickling me, since I absolutely hate being tickled. He got extremely pissed at me and left the room. It took me a full five minutes to realize that I'd called him by my ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 163

You deserved it 76 246

By Not turnt - 27/07/2015 19:12 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 553

You deserved it 2 571

By MakeItMaaco - 11/07/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 866

You deserved it 3 755

Everybody want to drool the world

By slapstick1982 - 10/09/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my wife, doggy-style. She then got mad at me for coming on her back. I didn’t have the balls to tell her that was drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 961

By jigglepuff - 09/02/2014 17:00 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 658

You deserved it 6 728

By Anon - 04/08/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 549

You deserved it 20 205

By bitch - 16/05/2017 05:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I dumped my boyfriend. To celebrate being newly single, I wanted to watch some shows on Netflix. My now ex-boyfriend had already changed the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 271

You deserved it 10 487

Lonely, so lonely

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 11:59 - China - Shanghai

Today, I realised that my social anxiety, fear of people's judgment, social isolation, you name it, have got so bad that I literally have no interests. It got to such a point that I even have nothing to search up in the internet, so I just stare at an empty browser page wondering what should I do with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 06/11/2012 18:29 - United States - Monson

Today, I started my new job as the only IT tech for my office. My first task: untangling the hundred mice the previous tech tied together for "fun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 779

You deserved it 1 773

By fatty:( - 15/04/2011 09:30 - Australia

Today, my 15 year old daughter got kicked out of her cheerleading squad because she was overweight. I heard one of the cheerleaders say, "She must be overweight because her mom is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 313

You deserved it 13 821

Instructions

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 05:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 278

You deserved it 16 389

Are you? Are you really?

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 05:01

Today, a friend from our circle group told me that my behavior of responding her stories with another related story of mine was annoying. I'm was sorry about that and decided to introspect and not show up in our group chat for a while. Then I realized I'm a toxic person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 356

By a chick in California - 14/06/2012 20:10 - United States - Ceres

Spicy

Today, all my guy friends kept hugging me tightly and then softly and then tightly again. I later found out they just wanted to feel my boobs on their chests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 124

You deserved it 8 658

By big mouth - 26/09/2012 11:40 - New Zealand - Northland

Today, at work, I saw a van in our car park with "Hurlz Wagon" painted on its side. Laughing, I told the customer who owned it that I loved the name, and I asked was there a funny vomit story behind it. She didn't laugh, and told me it was her family name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 939

You deserved it 9 157

By LearnGeographyUSA - 12/12/2012 06:45 - United States - Kirkland

Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 404

You deserved it 2 854

By Quirk - 29/10/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 181

You deserved it 7 024

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Top comments

ifuckmonsters 5

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:50

Why didn't you wake him up yourself?

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:52

You should've poured ice water on him. Cliché, but effective.

Comments

ifuckmonsters 5

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:50

Why didn't you wake him up yourself?

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:56

I'd be pissed if my roommates woke me up when I was trying to get 10 last minutes of sleep.. Or 60

Bobskittens1 12

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:56

Or OP could just kill him! Muhahaha >:D

StalkerChick 13

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:58

Ugh my boyfriend does this. I usually punch him after the 3rd time pressing snooze. Or start using some pretty foul language.

Bobskittens1 12

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 19:06

OP should have just turned off the alarm themselves.

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 19:17

Get up in between snoozes while the room mate is sleeping, and unplug the clock :D

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 20:04

#32 I second that. Either turn it off or wake him up. Laying through that is ridiculous.

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 23:17

My roommate does for 4 hours. It is horrible. Starts at 3am goes till 7.

CCSA 12

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 23:56

Today, I decided to see how many times my roommate can stand me pressing that "Snooze" on my alarm. Turned out that after hitting it 14 times, I could not bear the sound first. FML

Takuya272727 16

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 0:16

My brother asked me to wake him up once. Little did he know I would make sure he was awake. Some pots and pans later... He was up and ready to go.

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:50

me too

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:51

Go outside and start your day instead of listening to it

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 19:40

Yeah but what if the alarm first went off at like 4am. I would be pretty pissed.

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 20:08

Lol good point :D

SuperKnuckels 6

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 20:17

yeah why you starting at your roomate while hes trying to sleep lol do you need this person for something? enjoy your day or wake him up.

tj5810 21

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 21:08

What if OP works opposite shifts and was sleeping... I'd be pissed if I had to deal with that.

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:51

I used to do that. Now I jury got a clock radio and leave the radio on so that I don't go back to sleep. You should tell our roommate to respect you sleep!

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 19:06

Jury?

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 19:24

24- You've found #4 guilty as charged.

RetardedChipmunk 7

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 0:27

No, I'm pretty sure he meant to say jury

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:52

You should've poured ice water on him. Cliché, but effective.

RAUHWeltBegriff 9

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 19:12

I wonder if replacing the roommate's clock with a one that sounds like real gun shots would work?? Milliondollar idea? I don't know, one way to find out OP

GothickNihilist 15

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 19:25

I would personally Gibbs slap the person awake.It always works for me.

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Tuesday 3 May 2016 2:05

Can't that send a person into shock?

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:52

Lol just unplug it in the middle of the night

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 19:27

Unplugging is good. I'd just change the time to "p.m." Instead of "a.m."

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 13:09

I'd have put a bowl of ice water next to the alarm so he would hit that instead.

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:52

Throw the alarm at him!!!

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:53

My roommate used to do that all the time, I until I got up and threw her alarm out the window.

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 19:05

8) That is such a win.

hewro_failure 11

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 19:07

I hope you bought her a new one because you had no right to destroy her property no matter how annoyed you got with her...

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 21:22

26, 1) How else will they learn? 2) Alarm clocks aren't expensive.

BulldogHoops 14

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 22:10

And 3) Look into acquiring a sense of humor.

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:53

Go punch him in the face 14 times. And make him count.

onlychildFTW 33

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 20:50

This is why having roommates can suck.

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:53

Go pour hot water on him to wake him up.

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 19:40

~ Because waking someone up with burn injuries is a great idea! ~

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 20:25

Hell, if that's the case, why stop halfway? Light his hair on fire!

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 21:34

Yep.. It is. :) nice sarcasm.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 131

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 298