Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my best friend invited me to dinner at his house. When I went to the toilet, I found my wife's wedding ring in a cup, which she'd lost a week ago. FML
Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML
Today, my husband went on a boys' night but I found his wedding ring on the nightstand so I confronted him when he got home. He was wearing his ring. What I had was a brass olive ring for plumbing so now I look like a jealous idiot. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost one of her rings. I found this out as I overheard her gushing to her friend about how I must have borrowed it to find out what her ring size is. I have zero interest whatsoever in the sick and utterly immoral institution of marriage. FML
Today, despite been married for less than two days, my husband has managed to lose his wedding ring. FML
Today, at work, my vindictive, cheating ex made me clean and inspect her new wedding ring. FML
Today, as I peeled a now soggy Band-Aid off my finger, I discovered that in the dim light of yesterday evening, I had, with great anxiety, wrapped it around the wrong finger. FML
Today, I was so happy to be divorced from my asshole husband, I threw my ring off the bridge near the park where we met. As I was walking away, a diver surfaced, yelled, “I think you dropped this, miss” and threw the ring back at me. I can't catch a break today. FML
Today, I went on my fifth date with my new girlfriend. Apparently, she was in such a rush while leaving work that she forgot to take off her wedding ring. FML
Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my fingers being swollen and therefore much bigger than usual. I'm getting married tomorrow and there's no way I can get the ring on my finger. FML
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Top comments
macskapingvin 0
You shouldn't find out what it looks like until you put your own on. Next, you'll be sleeping with her husband just to find out what that feels like, right? I hope they don't have to cut him off you.
DocBastard 40
Some countries would consider that you basically performed a divorce ceremony by taking the woman's ring and cutting it. Congratulations on destroying this brand new marriage, you insenitive wench. I hope you're proud of yourself.
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Comments (190)
perdix 31
The friend is clever enough to make bread, but can't figure out how to whip up a batch of soapy water to recover her jewelry from her jealous, fat "friend?"
catatonicsleep 17
don't even need to make soapy water, squirt the liquid soap straight on with a splash of water and it would be more slippery.. I hope they tried all that before the ER visit....
Moemoemoe_fml 0
From how selfish and entitled the OP sounds, she probably freaked out and ran off to the ER demanding the ring to be cut to pieces before even telling the poor friend she'd stolen it from, so I would think the friend didn't get much of a say in how to try and take it off. OP probably didn't even think of trying to remove it with soap or anything either, too busy freaking out about her poor little self-centered self.
xpxp2002 4
Had to cut off the ring or the finger?
coolsunshinebear 14
Oh buddy
xR3born 0
someone was being naughty!
fearfulsymmetry 1
OP, I'm glad you called yourself pathetic, now I don't have say it. You're pathetic.
sirdolittle 0
Could not resist, could you ? ^^
ashlstarx445 0
ooo, that stinks!
Dark_Charizard 0
Cut of the ring or the finger? And I'm sure your friend was pissed.
amerwin 3
It's no wonder your single with those gigantic sausage fingers. Those things are bound to make anybody's dick look small in comparison.
Dark_Charizard 0
Lol.
DahkLohd 4
@8: Stop being such an ass.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
YDI for being curious about anything ever, for having married friends when you're single, for having friends at all, for being a Fatty McLarderson, and for even having fingers in the first place.
rawrimmacupcake 0
ydi. if u asked, it would be FML