Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my best friend invited me to dinner at his house. When I went to the toilet, I found my wife's wedding ring in a cup, which she'd lost a week ago. FML
Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML
Today, my husband went on a boys' night but I found his wedding ring on the nightstand so I confronted him when he got home. He was wearing his ring. What I had was a brass olive ring for plumbing so now I look like a jealous idiot. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost one of her rings. I found this out as I overheard her gushing to her friend about how I must have borrowed it to find out what her ring size is. I have zero interest whatsoever in the sick and utterly immoral institution of marriage. FML
Today, despite been married for less than two days, my husband has managed to lose his wedding ring. FML
Today, at work, my vindictive, cheating ex made me clean and inspect her new wedding ring. FML
Today, as I peeled a now soggy Band-Aid off my finger, I discovered that in the dim light of yesterday evening, I had, with great anxiety, wrapped it around the wrong finger. FML
Today, I was so happy to be divorced from my asshole husband, I threw my ring off the bridge near the park where we met. As I was walking away, a diver surfaced, yelled, “I think you dropped this, miss” and threw the ring back at me. I can't catch a break today. FML
Today, I went on my fifth date with my new girlfriend. Apparently, she was in such a rush while leaving work that she forgot to take off her wedding ring. FML
Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my fingers being swollen and therefore much bigger than usual. I'm getting married tomorrow and there's no way I can get the ring on my finger. FML
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Top comments
macskapingvin 0
You shouldn't find out what it looks like until you put your own on. Next, you'll be sleeping with her husband just to find out what that feels like, right? I hope they don't have to cut him off you.
DocBastard 40
Some countries would consider that you basically performed a divorce ceremony by taking the woman's ring and cutting it. Congratulations on destroying this brand new marriage, you insenitive wench. I hope you're proud of yourself.
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Comments (190)
Dark_Charizard 0
HAHAHAHA no. The finger could have needed to be amputated, so shut up.
Dark_Charizard 0
Ouch.
heroesgleealias 0
or your finger at least
amerwin 3
@32 I remember, quite vividly, a time when I made a sarcastic remark and you blatantly mistook it for a lapse of judgment on my part. When I replied, Illustrating your obvious error, instead of "openly admitting you were being a bit thick", you resorted to additional namecalling. If you are going to call people out for not owning up to their blunders, then you should be the first to do so when you are the one at fault.
melibear89 7
your an idiot. YDI
Ninjafriends 1
Hey guys, let's not argue. This site is a place for sympathetic responses and emotional support. Let's keep a positive attitude and try to get along :)
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Well OP let's face facts. You're destined to die single. This was just a sign from God.
Ninjafriends 1
How did the bread turn out?
Dark_Charizard 0
@41- You sound like my mother.
amerwin 3
Haha. Your memory fails my friend. In the FML where some girl pissed in a corner, DocBastard made a comment containing a pun using the term "urea". I jokingly commented on his nonexistent spelling error, and you mistook my sarcasm as naivety and commenced your token cuss-filled rant. When I humbly defended myself, you tried to present your reply as sarcasm when it was in fact far from it.