Love, Divorce and Rings: Let it lie

Let it lie

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 14:00

Today, I was so happy to be divorced from my asshole husband, I threw my ring off the bridge near the park where we met. As I was walking away, a diver surfaced, yelled, “I think you dropped this, miss” and threw the ring back at me. I can't catch a break today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 1 165

Love Divorce Rings

Mother of the year

In vain

Hope there's no dancing involved

By PetitPrincePerdu - 08/05/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 814

You deserved it 5 048

By drivencrazy - 06/07/2010 16:42 - United States

Today, while driving, a girl on her cellphone cut me off. A second later, another person behind me on a cellphone rear ended me. Her excuse was, "I'm sorry, you weren't there a minute ago!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 836

You deserved it 2 926

Getting the point across

By Anonymous - 05/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 113

Just a prank, bruh!

By VoodooPriestess - 03/06/2020 23:00

Today, while looking at engagement rings online, I started crying. Not because I'm getting married, but because the only proposal scenario my mind could concoct always ended with my boyfriend saying, "SIKE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 421

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 10:12 - Malta - Qormi

Today, after a dental appointment, my lips were numb. On the bus on my way back home, the cutest girl smiled at me. In attempt to smile back, I forgot my lips were numb and ended up spitting my chewing gum at her. I had to switch buses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 105

You deserved it 5 965

Don't try this at home

By Lunar-Spice - 07/11/2020 08:01

Today, I found out what it feels like to put in a contact while drunk. My eye still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 743

By Anonymous - 21/06/2009 08:50 - Australia

Today, I was talking with my mother and expressed my slight disappointment at how many of my friends are getting into relationships, whereas I'm still single. My mother decided to encourage me by saying "Don't worry, sweetie. There are boys out there who don't go for looks. You'll be fine". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 132

You deserved it 4 001

By rcarn - 12/06/2015 14:25 - United States - Leesburg

Today, my friends decided to throw a going away party because I'm moving. It would have been great if I had actually been invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 973

You deserved it 2 358

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 18:41 - United States - Portland

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 752

You deserved it 10 802

By FeedMe - 27/05/2011 10:45 - United States

Today, my mother went shopping. She bought three boxes of Popsicles and a giant stuffed dog. She did not buy dinner or toilet paper. I've eaten nothing but cereal and popcorn for three days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 837

You deserved it 5 651

By Anonymous - 30/09/2016 05:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my brand new $3,000 mattress that is supposed to relieve my back pain works amazingly. I only discovered this because my wife, son, daughter, dog, and two cats are all asleep on it and not waking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 783

You deserved it 1 010

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 21:13 - United States

Today, I met my brother for the first time in 20 years. Everything was going great, until he tried to make out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 714

You deserved it 3 350

Peek a boo

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 887

You deserved it 16 101

By too dumb for sex - 16/03/2019 22:00

Today we tried to have sex for the first time but I got so excited my blood pressure shot up and I got a nosebleed that didn't fully stop for nearly 30 minutes. Then when we tried again she accidentally headbutted me. The new bleeding still hasn't stopped and I'm feeling very lightheaded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 236

By guamfml - 03/06/2009 00:10 - Guam

Today, I was cleaning my father's study room and wondering why I did not receive my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted. I found the acceptance letter, on his desk, also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212 193

You deserved it 10 905

By SURPRISE - 10/06/2009 00:13 - Canada

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 489

You deserved it 6 793

Gross!

By mybfpeedonme - 30/09/2017 16:00

Today, a bug crawled inside my ear. In a panic, I called my boyfriend to come over and help me. His mother told him to put pee in my ear to kill the bug so it would just fall out. I ended up in the hospital because the pee made the bug want to claw its way out through my eardrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 748

You deserved it 1 563

By Username - 03/01/2011 11:40

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 754

You deserved it 10 649

By ewww - 03/12/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 276

You deserved it 3 857

By Jeff make - 01/04/2012 14:03 - United States - Malvern

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 365

You deserved it 34 401

By lovethateuropeanblood - 08/12/2014 14:12 - Japan - Osaka

Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 987

You deserved it 5 052

By nice one - 30/08/2012 15:24

Today, I finally confronted my boyfriend and asked him if he was cheating on me. He got flustered and said, "Technically, I'm cheating with you, not on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 957

You deserved it 2 979

Thanks for all the help

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 08:29

Today, I found the Facebook album my sister took with her kids by the pool and out on boats while back in our hometown. My problem? I'm our dad's carer since his stroke and she had planned the trip as a mission to help me take care of him, but due to her kids being "sick", she only visited briefly. Twice. In 5 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 110

By bellsucker - 04/08/2012 22:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 095

You deserved it 1 957

By I Tried - 29/01/2016 22:18 - United States - Burton

Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 385

You deserved it 3 616

By Jamestown of Vagina - 13/09/2014 14:36 - United States - Houston

Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 600

You deserved it 3 709

By amythest - 13/02/2012 00:18 - United Kingdom

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 697

You deserved it 3 129

By Can you say "bandwagon"? - 03/10/2012 21:33 - United States

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 347

You deserved it 4 679

How shocking!

By Anonymous - 04/03/2018 01:30

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put his dog shock collar on me to wake me in lieu of my alarm. You know how those cartoon characters look when they're electrocuted? That's exactly how I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 363

You deserved it 366

By op-poopy - 22/04/2011 14:26 - Canada

Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 979

You deserved it 2 587

By UnicornPancake - 25/04/2018 15:00

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 437

You deserved it 411

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 18:01 - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 947

You deserved it 5 378

What's love got to do with it?

By Anonymous - 20/11/2021 05:02

Today, my wife and I were going through a very amicable 50/50 divorce, until she found out I’m already dating. She’s only two years younger than my wife, but it upset her enough she’s now stalling the divorce until she gets 75/25 in her favour, including the holiday cottage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 1 688

Adding insult to injury

By SomeExplainingToDo - 04/09/2017 04:30

Today, I sent a polite yet strongly-worded email to one of my corporate clients in which I expressed my irritation at being asked the same question by the same team for the 4th day in a row. I ended it with "Regards!" but accidentally swapped the 'g' with a 't'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 436

You deserved it 1 720

Just No

By KelseNM - 05/07/2020 14:02

Today, my future sister-in-law, who hasn’t even been engaged a week, informed everyone that the wedding is December 19, which is the due date of my first child. My brother won’t change the date and is making my family choose between his wedding or being at the hospital with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 263

You deserved it 161

By B - 31/01/2012 20:36 - Netherlands

Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted: "Nice to meet your dad, hope we didn't look too heated." A few minutes later, he replied: "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 170

You deserved it 9 857

By Sad_Happy_Gorl - 14/06/2019 16:00

Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 06/05/2014 23:28 - United States - Elmwood Park

Today, my best friend wanted to see what my new boyfriend looks like. By chance, he'd sent me a Snapchat a few minutes before, so I opened it to show her, only to see that it was a dick pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 495

You deserved it 45 420

By Anon - 29/05/2017 12:00 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my mother-in-law complained to me about the cost of getting old. She then spent an hour showing me her River Cruise vacation photos from several countries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 532

You deserved it 309

That hurts, BTW

By phillij2 - 09/07/2011 00:03 - United States

Today, I got surgery on one of my hands. I opted for a local anesthetic instead of being put all the way under. I soon discovered my hand hadn't gone completely numb when the doctor started slicing into the finger that needed operating on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 383

You deserved it 6 288

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Marcella1016 31

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Tuesday 16 November 2021 14:59

You did catch a break. Sell that thing and use the money for something good. Buy something you’ve needed for awhile, or if you’re financially comfortable, treat yourself to a spa day or small trip. If you’re totally well off where a few grand (or a few hundred? Idk what resold rings are worth) is essentially meaningless for you, donate the money to charity or someone who needs it. It’ll make you feel good to do something good, and also give you a weird closure like “at least something good came out of this marriage.” Cheers! 😄