Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML
Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML
Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML
Today, I woke up to find my garage broken into and my car covered in paint and the words "Fuck you." Why? I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me and stole money off me and my mom. Apparently this wasn't a good enough excuse to break her up with her. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML
Today, my psycho ex tried to call the cops on me for "poisoning her food." I live two hours away from her, and have no money or gas to go anywhere near her. Turns out, she poisoned herself for eating raw chicken and pizza dough. I have a child with this idiot. FML
Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML
Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML
Today, me and my girls went to get revenge on a girl who slept with my boyfriend by egging her house. Her house was too far away so we decided to get her truck. We wasted a carton of eggs on her driveway because we all have terrible aim and look incredibly stupid for missing so bad. FML
Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This included Nazi symbols, "white power", and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominantly black neighborhood. FML
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Top comments
SApprentice 34
Buy a can of spray paint and spray over it. It'll look like hell, but you're going to have to get it fixed anyway, and I doubt you'll be able to make it very far with it the way it is. Oh, and go to the cops if you can. Paint jobs are expensive, and you don't need to deal with that kind of crap.
Subtext 10
Just spray paint her address and contact information under the "Free Candy" :)
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Comments (72)
starw0lf 31
I hope you can get it painted soon. Just imagine the throngs of concerned parents to which you have to defend yourself from. You will have to shout, "I'm not a pedo!" Then you have the kids and adults coming up to the van and you will have to yell, "I don't have any candy!"
RedPillSucks 33
Sorry, All I could think of was parents running around in their thongs.... Then I reread your comment.
michaeljcaboose 7
Just think of what it will look like when his own kid gets in the van and he drives away!
boofgall 16
Spray paint "I have hep B!" on her vehicle bumper.
lishajoy777 14
People might just feel bad for her...
boofgall 16
But who excitedly puts that with a "!" At the end?
lishajoy777 14
Someone who wants to get awareness out there? Idk.. he did say she was psychopathic right?
kman8599 8
Cuz nothing beats committing a crime as revenge for committing a crime...
poopsi 19
Genius... Evil, evil genius... But no seriously, just get it painted over, and then plot your revenge...
perdix 31
Just spray paint under that, "*with the purchase of $100 or more of Amway products." Even little kids know to shun the Amway cult.
randii_17 11
Now I feel dumb for not knowing what Amway is... :(
perdix 31
#88, actually, when you do know what Amway is, you get dumber. It's multi-level marketing of household products where getting stuck in a pyramid scheme is the main point. That's all you can know without forfeiting IQ points.
ocramavaf 15
go to all the worse local bars and. advertise her as a prostitute that's doing a free anal sex week, alternatively notify the police about her before this all gets out of hand
gc327072 31
Nah, just post her number in the cesspools of /b/.
Sir_Swaggington 6
Spray paint over it until you can get it fixed? Or tape some cardboard over it. I saw the latter in a movie once lol.
kacidia 7
You should spray paint "I
perdix 31
Or add "Johnson" or any other common last name, and play it off like your protesting her wrongful imprisonment.
HoboSmeller 6
free candy johnson!! she is innocent!
Cian_1 28
Oh, Perdix! You're*. :P
perdix 31
#37, sorry, man. It was the middle of the night for me. I was exhausted!
kacidia 7
You should spray paint "I heart Vagisil!" On her car lol
perdix 31
She's probably tipped off Chris Hanson, too. Fill your van full of fresh fruits and vegetables, and tell the "To Catch a Predator" crew that you are in Michelle Obama's Secret Army trying to trick kids into eating healthy by any means necessary.