Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
Today, I told my parents I was pregnant but don’t know who the Dad is. My Mom said “that’s alright, I still don’t know who your dad is”. So apparently my father isn’t my real Dad. FML
Today, my dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend over for dinner. He's only had a few relationships since he and my mom split up when I was very young, so I was excited to meet the woman. He then told me that I knew her already. My dad is dating my aunt on my mothers side. FML
Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, my mum found out she's pregnant. I would be happy for her, if she knew who the father was. FML
Today, my mother asked a woman at the clothing store we go to all the time when her baby was due. Turns out the woman isn't pregnant. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mexican_music 13
How the **** is that out of instinct?
cadillacgal79 32
I worry for you that you ask that outta instinct
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (54)
pete9913 23
Had to click both. It sucks you can't think before you speak.
MrDonSalvetti 27
Well, better that, than running away out of "instinct" ;)
bab3ruthl3ss 16
Your instincts could use a little work. Better to **** up that way with family than an acquaintance, at least.
_vmgomez 6
just remember to think before you speak
drunk_crow 12
Why is there more FML's than YDI's? Why does OP's life suck just because he said something stupid?
Vanessa_Leeann26 17
What?! You're first instinct is to ask who the father is?! Not, how far along are you or do you know the gender yet? Me thinks you watch too much Jerry. Lmao
Unicoarn 15
C'mon I bet it was funny xD
sorainu 18
What kind of friends do you have?!
cjigsss95 12
you didnt even go with them bruh
AssassinD3 19
I will sometimes say stupid stuff like that without thinking, just explain what you meant and hope for the best.