Health: Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and... - FML

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 21:32 - United States

Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and makes my skin look hideously orange and uneven. I wasn't wearing any makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 164

You deserved it 4 449

Commando

Empathy lives

Strong incel vibes

By burgerpants - 08/05/2018 19:30 - United States - Stamford

Today, I was feeling down so I thought I'd order a burger to cheer myself up. The website I ordered from featured Instagram pics of their customers. My ex and the guy she cheated on me with were front and center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 176

You deserved it 281

By NoFunForMe - 31/08/2015 16:27 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I saw my ex for the first time since we broke up. We were on a train next to each other for 6 hours, to a festival where our tents were pitched next to each other. We're here for 5 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 363

You deserved it 2 390

Practical

By Abused - 13/10/2010 08:36 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 818

You deserved it 20 047

By lauramarie - 23/07/2011 14:18 - Canada

Today, as I was hung over from a concert and refusing to get out of bed, my dad decided to hook up his top notch speaker system and play Christmas music that shook the house. It's July. Let the family weekend begin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 485

You deserved it 15 554

By Alex - 30/09/2009 06:46 - Belgium

Today, I was notified that I've been going to the wrong courses for 4 weeks. A friend of mine was the only person to tell me that the administration had taken the privilege to change my courses. I have now failed 5 courses due to absences and have been suspended from college for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 577

You deserved it 5 364

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 976

You deserved it 37 040

By me - 16/01/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends ranted on about how I am such a crappy girlfriend and how all of his friends don't like me. I just spent over $200 on a surprise party that I invited them all to last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 444

You deserved it 3 457

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 369

You deserved it 8 806

By ick - 31/07/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I was repainting the walls in my room. While painting, I noticed a dark spot on the wall that wouldn't seem to go away no matter how much paint I put on it. A bucket of paint and hours later, I realized that "dark spot" was a shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 611

You deserved it 60 021

By anonymous - 25/11/2014 03:25 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 539

You deserved it 3 748

By Curly - 09/01/2013 00:26 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my wife has the flu, while I have strep throat. We have a two-year-old toddler and have no clue as to who's more contagious and who should take care of her as to not get her sick. Yay for the entire day of surgical masks and Sesame Street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 313

You deserved it 2 716

By Anonymous - 28/07/2012 18:29 - Canada - York

Today, I asked my best friend if he would do me the honour of becoming my son's godfather. He replied, "Um, that's just rude. You know I'm an atheist." Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 152

You deserved it 8 437

By thatgirl - 10/10/2011 07:16 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 009

You deserved it 3 536

By nancypants1124 - 13/06/2015 02:06 - United States

Today, I was joking around with my manager about faking an injury to collect Worker's Compensation. Then I actually slipped and sprained my foot, and now my manager thinks I'm lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 652

You deserved it 12 399

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 17:25 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I found out that ever since I got my blonde highlights, I've been mocked behind my back at work, and nicknamed "The Skunk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 822

You deserved it 13 385

TMI

By crazyman. - 12/05/2012 05:27 - United States - Keller

Spicy

Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 585

You deserved it 4 103

By Anonymous - 30/06/2013 10:58 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 564

You deserved it 20 096

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 15:06 - United States

Today, I was on my way to work and someone cut me off. I then switched lanes and sped past the person as I flipped them off. What I didn't notice was that the person that cut me off was my boss. He's been shooting me dirty looks from across the room all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 938

You deserved it 5 721

Tense

By pizzacat - 22/09/2010 08:49 - Australia

Today, I was conducting interviews and I could tell this particular candidate was really nervous, so I was extra nice. At the end, he was reluctant to shake my hand. On the way out I realised why: I had lost the top button on my low cut top, and he was nursing his appreciation of the view. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 564

You deserved it 8 339

By spaaaarta - 25/07/2016 20:17

Today, I was washing my car, I decided to be kind and to wash my elderly neighbor's car. As it turns out, her sunroof was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 669

You deserved it 12 424

That backfired

By Alexander D. - 14/07/2012 00:48 - United States

Today, I was fired for telling a customer's kid to shut his mouth. As revenge, I sent the CEO a picture I acquired months ago of my boss drunkenly pissing on a cow. He wrote that it was the funniest thing he had ever seen, and that I am "clearly an insufferable killjoy; a total liability to the company." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 646

You deserved it 37 063

By Anon - 18/05/2011 11:47 - United States

Today, we got a new dry-erase board, and I drew the Gotham City skyline complete with the Bat Signal. Later, I went downstairs, only to find my mom had written "BATMAN'S GAY" over the top of the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 831

You deserved it 10 555

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 21:35 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 264

You deserved it 12 150

In shape

By emmy - 01/04/2021 14:01

Today, even after months of vigorous exercise and diet in an attempt to gain muscle, I have not gained any muscle. Instead, my body is putting fat into the one part of my body I can’t work out: my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 72

By Anonymous - 19/09/2009 08:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 160

You deserved it 3 660

TSA

By androgynous - 30/03/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 471

You deserved it 4 733

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 00:37 - Canada

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 119

You deserved it 4 108

By LolaBell - 24/04/2015 14:12 - United States - Brookfield

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 581

You deserved it 2 211

By Anonymous - 30/01/2011 06:21 - France

Today, I received a text message from my wife who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends: "Have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you tomorrow morning." His? FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 579

You deserved it 4 480

By Anonymous - 16/10/2014 17:07 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 188

You deserved it 3 594

By geek - 22/07/2015 03:02 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I had to explain to my boss that DVI ports are not the same as HDMI ports. When I showed him the HDMI cable, he said, "Oh! You mean USB!" He's an engineering manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 667

You deserved it 1 763

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I ordered some food to get delivered. When I opened the bag a fly flew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 032

You deserved it 537

By JK710 - 23/06/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I discovered that the hearing in my left ear is still good. I haven't been able to hear that well out of it for 2 weeks and I thought I popped an eardrum and waited for it to heal. I stuck a Q-Tip in there to clean it out. Turns out there was actually a dead fly in my ear. For 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 158

You deserved it 11 400

By a fatty - 15/02/2011 06:25

Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 674

You deserved it 36 347

Customer relationships

By UnemployedGirl - 02/07/2021 19:59

Today, I assisted a customer at work. She was asking me all sorts of stupid questions and acting like an entitled, spoiled brat. When she left, since I had a mask on, I meant to mouth, "Stupid bitch" but I blurted it out loud. Everyone heard. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 1 398

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 16:44 - United States - Rome

Today, I was singing in my dorm. When I left a little later, a cute guy came up to me and asked if I was the girl who'd been singing. I proudly said yes. He replied, "Good thing you finally shut the fuck up!" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 895

You deserved it 10 867

By Anonymous - 23/07/2012 07:35 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 065

You deserved it 19 186

By Anonymous - 09/05/2015 18:50 - United States - Humble

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 173

You deserved it 11 053

The things we do for family…

By taylor_b22 - 13/09/2021 11:01

Today, I agreed to spend the evening walking around an antique tractor show for my dad and sons, but I’m bleeding too much to stay out of the bathroom more than an hour. I’m violently ill from it, and I already have a bum knee and asthma, so I don’t know how I’m going to pull this off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 98

By Dxxk Biter - 20/02/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 044

You deserved it 673

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Top comments

vatt 0

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:37

it is snooki

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:44

Maybe you should wear makeup then :o Don't worry OP, no one has perfect skin. I suppose that's why makeup exists in the first place though.

Comments

vatt 0

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:37

it is snooki

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:57

Win. Yeah I think it is.

InBetweenDreams 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 0:37

LOL, that put a smile on my face. :) Just wear concealer to cover the uneveness. And skin isn't usually orange without going to tanning beds or spray tanning, so I suggest you stop Fake n' Baking.

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Monday 27 December 2010 0:48

umm ever thought she didn't mean right then ? what if she just meant when you do wear it?

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Monday 27 December 2010 2:15

hello there (Insert alien name here)

Selena_is_back 7

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Monday 27 December 2010 2:42

That's a waste of beauty... tsk tsk!

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Monday 27 December 2010 7:53

OMG.

truthbetoldxoxo 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 7:56

skin can be orange if you have jaundice

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Monday 27 December 2010 8:34

I thought Jaundice was yellowish pigmentation of the skin, not orange? Anyways, if she had Jaundice, I'm pretty sure her own mother would know.

quraishakrueger 4

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 4:47

or if youre snookie. :P

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Wednesday 25 April 2012 0:47

You're photo is really creepy LOL

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:37

Haha u Fugly

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Wednesday 29 December 2010 4:00

Shut up #2, carrots are good on your eyes

f_alltheirlives 3

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:38

Smooosh smoooosh

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:55

win!

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Monday 27 December 2010 0:54

SNOOKI WANT SMOOSH SMOOSH

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Monday 27 December 2010 20:04

HAHAHAHAHA

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:39

Yor mom is messed, steal all her makeup and see how she likes it! >:)

chrystalthequeen 8

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Sunday 10 June 2012 2:45

If her mom wears makeup…

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:39

hmm naturally an oompa ?

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Monday 27 December 2010 14:46

win

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:39

that's so mean.

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Monday 27 December 2010 4:04

You look like Ashli Orion.

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Monday 27 December 2010 8:29

Nice pic. Awesome comment. xD

my2twocents125 2

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:43

first

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:43

thts just unfortunate

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:44

Maybe you should wear makeup then :o Don't worry OP, no one has perfect skin. I suppose that's why makeup exists in the first place though.

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Saturday 31 December 2011 3:12

True dat

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Sunday 26 December 2010 23:45

tell her it's thanks to her genes then you should fart on her pillow for the emotional damage she caused you

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Monday 27 December 2010 0:24

hahahahaha hell yeah!

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Monday 27 December 2010 2:43

Aha, Maybe she'll get pink eye from it. Unless that's just a rumor.

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Monday 27 December 2010 3:45

The pillow fart was...random o_o;

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 120

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 295