Kids: Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit...

By yardswoman - 29/06/2016 23:01

Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 053

You deserved it 1 681

Kids

Fortunate son

Taking liberties

Road angst

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 14:58 - United States - Commack

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 731

You deserved it 3 632

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 23:55

Today, my AC stopped working and I have no money. I live in Phoenix, Arizona. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 139

By Dude - 02/04/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I got laid off from work. I was being escorted to the elevator when another coworker stepped inside. He said, "How goes it?". I said, "It goes". Then he said, "At least we have a job". FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 040

You deserved it 3 655

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 05:40 - Egypt

Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 566

You deserved it 4 315

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 13:29 - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw a spider hanging from the ceiling of my car. I'm terrified of spiders, so I was watching it instead the road. When I looked back at the road, I had just enough time to swerve to miss the fire hydrant but not the tree. Even the cop laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 089

You deserved it 32 136

By fatflabbyfail - 20/02/2010 06:09 - United States

Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 125

You deserved it 42 235

By xoxoblondee - 25/02/2017 07:00 - United States - Valley Village

Today, I learned the hard way why no matter how constipated you are, it is never a good idea to use a suppository when you are tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 216

You deserved it 1 150

Kinda cute

By anon - 09/09/2013 15:15 - United States - Mantua

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 279

You deserved it 25 913

By burnedboy - 18/01/2010 19:39 - United States

Today, I saw Avatar in iMax 3D. Towards the end of the movie I jump, yelled, and spilled my drink all over the people in front of me because I thought a burning piece of ash landed on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 598

You deserved it 44 484

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 065

You deserved it 39 939

Do as I say…

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 02:08 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my mother woke up again in a bad mood due to the quarantine and went off on how us siblings complain about each other all the time. Truth is, she's the one complaining non stop about whichever sibling is not in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 106

By Nic - 13/09/2016 20:16 - United States - Orlando

Today, for the first time in months, a potential employer was willing to give me a job. On my way out of the interview, I tripped over and broke a 1000 dollar glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 002

You deserved it 1 133

By InnocenceBlue - 31/07/2019 12:00

Today, I finally managed to get my electrician boyfriend to agree to replace our old lights, after a year of asking. Saturday, he couldn't be bothered and Sunday he came down with a mysterious man flu. This is about the 10th time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 288

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 04:46 - United States - Middleboro

Today, at our wedding, instead of saying "I do", my fiancé paused before saying, "I can't do this", stepped down from the altar and proposed to my maid of honor. When she obviously refused, he ran from the venue bawling. He's not returning my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 375

You deserved it 2 507

By aunty_social - 25/08/2018 14:30

Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 242

You deserved it 300

By stupid - 07/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 668

You deserved it 61 186

By TallGal - 14/09/2012 08:26 - United States - Tucson

Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 752

You deserved it 14 236

By annie - 14/10/2018 12:00

Today, my mother-in-law visited. She saw my 5-year-old son rip open a chip bag, causing chips go everywhere. She got up in his face and started screaming at him about how he has an "attitude problem". He doesn't, he's autistic and genuinely has trouble with food packaging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 232

You deserved it 230

By Noname - 24/02/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ends the conversation with "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "Thats great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 609

You deserved it 57 385

By Anonymous - 11/03/2012 23:19 - United States

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 296

You deserved it 29 148

By Ulysse - 07/11/2008 15:33 - United Kingdom

Today, on my first day at a new job, my boss asked how old I was. I replied, "Eighteen." She responded that she was my age thirty years ago, which makes her the same age as my mum. When I told her, she gave me a puzzled look, so I repeated myself. She was my age thirteen years ago, not thirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 205

You deserved it 14 334

By touche :/ - 07/07/2013 21:27 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to a big job interview. Eventually, the guy subtly enquired about my political beliefs. He seemed pretty laid-back and cool, so I told him, at which point he just chuckled and told me to leave. When I threatened to report him, he just said, "Who're they gonna believe, you or me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 671

You deserved it 8 207

By Anonymous - 17/03/2013 11:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 791

You deserved it 2 932

By idonteven - 12/08/2013 20:04 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 955

You deserved it 4 451

By jilted - 21/03/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431 993

You deserved it 46 526

By kimmykins27 - 31/10/2014 12:58 - United States

Today, we told my fiancé's parents that I'm pregnant. His mom's response? "I'm going to throw up. You can't raise a child." We are both 28, self-sufficient and everyone else is thrilled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 078

You deserved it 3 043

By Unfortunately Me - 09/01/2014 00:54 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 055

You deserved it 12 042

By greenroses92 - 19/08/2019 12:00

Today, I was called stupid by a customer, after I supposedly got his order wrong. He then threw his ice cream cone on the floor, tracked it around the store, and left. While I was cleaning it up, he came back and tripped me right into the mop water, spilling it everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 816

You deserved it 108

By waxinghorror - 11/07/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 507

You deserved it 9 210

By dylanhollis - 17/01/2014 12:49 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I signed up for a dating site and used a photo of my mother and me at a wedding. Everyone stops responding when they find out they're talking to me and not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 716

You deserved it 9 132

Wake up Boo!

By Anonymous - 11/03/2021 20:01

Today, my work made us all get up at 3 a.m. to head to the airport for our 7 a.m. flight, only for us to get to the airport and find out the flight is cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 79

By Anonymous - 07/11/2016 20:13

Today, I went to the store to buy new blankets and a comforter. A cute guy started chatting with me and asked about the new bedroom decor. I lied and said I just had a major break up and needed new things, instead of admitting I was too lazy to dig out and wash my winter blankets from last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 811

You deserved it 3 238

By Bianka05 - 19/07/2017 20:00

Today, after being on vacation for a week, my alarm sounded early in the morning. It scared me so badly I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 929

You deserved it 934

By fuck you, Jeff - 25/04/2014 23:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 449

You deserved it 6 859

By RobotUnicorn1209 - 14/08/2015 19:31 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I got in trouble for punching my sister. Apparently, it still counts if it's in Minecraft and she looked like she was going to steal my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 511

You deserved it 2 698

By jakeeey - 18/01/2013 01:16 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 067

You deserved it 10 884

By Anonymous - 10/02/2017 19:00 - United States - Midland

Today, while BMXing I felt my chain break loose. I only looked down for a split second, and that's all it took for me to crash into a young scooter kid, breaking not only my own nose and elbow, but both his arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 283

You deserved it 1 534

By NoorFML - 13/09/2013 13:24 - United States

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 865

You deserved it 7 479

By BooBabe - 04/06/2012 23:50 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 863

You deserved it 6 789

By blah - 21/07/2011 14:10 - United States

Today, my mom took me to an AA meeting because she said I needed help. I have never tried alcohol in my life, and told them this. I was then harangued by the "instructor" because apparently one of the signs of alcoholism is denial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 622

You deserved it 3 052

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Top comments

Lalala579121 27

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Saturday 20 August 2016 11:11

I'm wondering how you mistook your car for your shed? Or even toy pliers for a rock?

SofaKing619 13

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Saturday 20 August 2016 11:28

Probably shed a few tears.

Tortuga594 14

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Thursday 30 June 2016 13:22

We're the pliers plastic?

seasonedtoast 19

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Saturday 20 August 2016 13:41

We are the pliers, plastic!

JocelynKaulitz 28

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Saturday 20 August 2016 14:24

Oh, how a simple apostrophe can make such a difference in a sentence!

akgirl29 7

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Sunday 21 August 2016 12:08

If they're kids toy pliers than there's a 99.9% chance of them being plastic. Why would kids pliers be made out of metal or any other material?

leahishazy 5

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Saturday 16 July 2016 0:29

Sounds like an awful expensive mistake. But at least the shed is safe.

Lalala579121 27

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Saturday 20 August 2016 11:11

I'm wondering how you mistook your car for your shed? Or even toy pliers for a rock?

ItsAlly 20

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Saturday 20 August 2016 12:18

She probably thought she had shattered the window of her shed. Sorry, OP. That's quite the costly accident.

Hunter_the_Ninja 22

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Saturday 20 August 2016 15:35

The glass in cars doesn't sound like glass when it breaks. It sounds more like plastic.

Dale_shackleford 13

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Saturday 20 August 2016 17:00

The car might be old enough to have glass windows that shatter instead of splintering.

AC98 19

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Saturday 20 August 2016 11:25

Least the shed is good

SofaKing619 13

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Saturday 20 August 2016 11:28

Probably shed a few tears.

WolfMaestro 12

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Saturday 20 August 2016 13:35

Ok so here is the thing, the mower was really loud, obviously, and I know my yard there are lots of tiny rocks in it (so it is not unusual hit one). So when I hit the pliers, I just heard the little clank and went on mowing. I didn't care that it hit the shed because the shed is metal, and it was far enough away that I didn't hear it hit, which it didn't, obviously. And the pliers, I wish they were plastic.

akgirl29 7

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Sunday 21 August 2016 12:09

Maybe next time you'll buy kids PLASTIC pliers.

idiotstar123 18

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Saturday 20 August 2016 14:23

Wait so they could've hit you or your house or son! Wow I think u got lucky...

newzealand 28

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Saturday 20 August 2016 14:32

Pliers though, right?

vxdragon23 9

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Saturday 20 August 2016 15:53

sounds like a state Farm commercial

laceyleitner98 5

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Saturday 20 August 2016 20:43

no its a farmers commercial

MrGrammar 4

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Saturday 20 August 2016 16:01

I have seen so many online posts recently featuring the word "pliers" misspelled exactly as OP first wrote it that I almost bought a newly published dictionary to ensure the spelling hadn't changed. Sorry about the car, OP.