Miscellaneous: Today, I went out with two friends for lunch. The van we took...

By van no gough - United States - Springfield

Today, I went out with two friends for lunch. The van we took ran out of fuel, so we pushed it to a nearby gas station, a gas station suffering from a gas shortage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30320

You deserved it

3873

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

Zoomed out

Shark-infested offices

By Noname - United States

Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ends the conversation with "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "Thats great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10600

You deserved it

57343

Favorite

By Dang-ItsDanielle - United States

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

62239

You deserved it

19346

Favorite

By tagteam - United States - Worcester

Today, after backpacking acrossing Europe for a month, I picked up my dog from the doghouse. No one will listen to me or acknowledge the fact that he's now missing two toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38366

You deserved it

2748

Favorite

By thebigguy

Today, as it's been a long time since I've been with a woman, I decided to enlist the services of an escort. Upon my arrival, she looked at me and said, "Honey, we are going to need a bottle of whiskey and an extra $100." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5667

You deserved it

1254

Favorite

By MyLyfeSux - United States

Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was 4 extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10892

You deserved it

53811

Favorite

By teinage - Belgium

Today, some kids stole all four wheels off my car. They were nice enough to leave a note and some money though, "for the bus". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37686

You deserved it

3092

Favorite

By FathersDay - United States

Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41352

You deserved it

20958

Favorite

By AllergyRidden - United States

Today, my Mom and I found out that we're allergic to the wood my Dad has been making fires with. She can't see, I can't breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29563

You deserved it

2287

Favorite

By sophie - United States

Today, my teacher told me I wasn't pretty enough to play the princess part in the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45687

You deserved it

5741

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26321

You deserved it

12814

Favorite

By merkris - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51160

You deserved it

12686

Favorite

By Salzburg

Today, my sister and I got a room in the attic of an old hotel, while our parents got a room several floors down. We discovered the room was full of bugs. Our parents didn't believe us, so we brought them some as proof. They told us to get over it. We can't sleep. We've killed 50 and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1953

You deserved it

118

Favorite

By Kali

Say it ain't so, please

Today, I went to go meet my boyfriend at a restaurant to tell him it just wasn't working out. Before I could do so, he proposed. I had to tell him no, so he started to cry and ran out. Everyone looked at me like some kind of monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1830

You deserved it

375

Favorite

By GGimabeast - United States

Cool story, tell it again

Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34208

You deserved it

12360

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/5/2020 20:00

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1410

You deserved it

237

Favorite

By alicia - Canada - Montreal

Wanker

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46133

You deserved it

11932

Favorite

By hubby - United States

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61483

You deserved it

5767

Favorite

By epistaxis - Australia

Today, I am staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43256

You deserved it

2623

Favorite

By butisavedyourkid - United States

Today, I rescued a little boy who looked like he was drowning in a public pool. His mother then smacked me in the face for "touching him". FML

I agree, your life sucks

53153

You deserved it

3518

Favorite

By seablue - United States

Today, I wrote a poem for this guy I am falling for. Before telling him that I wrote it, he read it and then laughed at how "corny and stupid" it was because he would "never date someone who could come up with something that lame." The poem was about how vulnerable he makes me feel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54221

You deserved it

16468

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/9/2020 02:02

Denied

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1703

You deserved it

322

Favorite

By SnowyConcussion - United States

Today, after spending the past 4 days asking both my husband and my father-in-law to salt our sidewalk, I slipped on the ice. I hit my head on our concrete stairs. While holding ice on my head, my father-in-law pats my head and says "I'll go get some salt." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27824

You deserved it

8996

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39802

You deserved it

3471

Favorite

By Rachael - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I wondered why the cashiers at my local chip shop were being so unusually friendly and knocked money off my bill. Then when I got back to my boyfriend's house, I noticed my bright red bra shining through my black top like a light. I debuted my tits for some chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1308

You deserved it

472

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Wexford

Today, my aunt informed me that my dad thinks my boyfriend is a loser deadbeat because he hasn't proposed to me after two years of dating and co-habitation. He hasn't asked because I already made it very clear I have no interest in marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21263

You deserved it

4825

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Peek a boo

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68816

You deserved it

16081

Favorite

By jcheer113 - United States

Today, while I was driving, I saw my driving instructor from high school walking on the sidewalk. As I waved to him, I rear-ended the car in front of me. Guess I really showed him how much I learned from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8901

You deserved it

31637

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was at work serving customers at the checkout. A girl was brushing the floor behind me. I turned around and whichever way she brushed, the brush hit me twice straight in the balls before she noticed anything. She had to serve the rest of the customers while I recovered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1362

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By Blanerd - United States

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29142

You deserved it

4275

Favorite

By maystar

That's worth $0.30 at GameStop!

Today, it's my birthday. My mom and three other relatives each bought me a copy of Diablo 3 for my birthday. A video game that I didn't ask for, for a console I don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3773

You deserved it

290

Favorite

By arctic1 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20261

You deserved it

68406

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that, while not exactly probable, it is definitely possible to squirt yourself in the eye with breast milk. It burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3115

You deserved it

477

Favorite

By NinjaWafflesx - United States

Today, my mother hacked my Facebook and broke up with my boyfriend and pretended to be me. She told him if he ever talks to me again, she'll call the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40658

You deserved it

3941

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30855

You deserved it

20616

Favorite

By redcherries90 - United States

Today, I slipped on the new snow and sprained my ankle. As my mom and I were leaving the emergency room, she says, "You owe me $4 for parking," and she meant it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31602

You deserved it

3980

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Chatswood

Today, my husband and I finally agreed on something: marriage counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31937

You deserved it

6222

Favorite

By Bad Dad - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36249

You deserved it

4893

Favorite

By ouchhhh

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4345

You deserved it

577

Favorite

By ShampooThief - United States

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30577

You deserved it

2995

Favorite

By mareecasellafml - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32265

You deserved it

4206

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By giantsfan2010 | 23

#6240034 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:10

If you call a tow truck, they usually have extra gas with them in case of emergency.

By feven | 32

#6240041 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:14

Time to call the tow truck

COMMENTS

By wildgenius | 13

#6240027 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:08

Well if all else fails, you can use water or apple juice.

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#6240061 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:24

Uh if you wanna fuck up your engine.. sure. how do I know this and you dont? I am car dumb!!! op.. clever name though.

natashamilan | 13

#6240074 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:37

That's SUCH a good idea.

False_Stupidity | 41

#6240345 - Sunday 22 March 2015 21:22

Whatever gave you the idea that using water or apple juice(mostly water) in an internal "combustion" engine was ever going to be a good idea? SMH

ExtremeEncounter | 32

#6240940 - Monday 23 March 2015 12:08

I think people take what people say on this site WAY too literally.

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6241815 - Tuesday 24 March 2015 5:23

Like this if you think the title of the FML was nice!...

By hacksaw246 | 24

#6240028 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:09

You must be pretty gassed after this expedition.

AddictGamer | 16

#6240087 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:46

I did nazi that one coming.

By giantsfan2010 | 23

#6240034 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:10

If you call a tow truck, they usually have extra gas with them in case of emergency.

By iSativa | 24

#6240036 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:11

Moments like these make great "remember when.." stories at social gatherings.

By FMyLyricalAnus | 11

#6240037 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:11

Yea, it must be pretty tiring. If you haven't eaten you probably need more fuel before you can move it again.

By WCARlover | 34

#6240038 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:11

If this is a YDI or not really depends on how low whoever used it last left it

Tthug | 34

#6240049 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:18

No. It really is just a failure to check the gas gauge. It sucks yes, but it's also completely preventable.

taybear0 | 14

#6240052 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:18

OP cant do anything about how low her friends let their gas take get, its not her job to monitor the fuel gauge

By feven | 32

#6240041 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:14

Time to call the tow truck

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#6240048 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:17

state farm

By fmlsams | 27

#6240053 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:18

Blues Brothers, anyone?

By hannah_cheers | 30

#6240069 - Sunday 22 March 2015 16:32

Clever username xD