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Add a comment - Reply to : #
Ouch, thrice in one day? I don't know what to tell you, man.
For whatever reason, the FML community seems to champion helplessness in some instances. In this entry people who support OP get blasted with downvotes. This is because he had the courage to try three times. Had he given up after the first time, breaking into tears, people here would all go "Oh, you poor thing... Surely she's doing you a favor if she can't appreciate what a wonderful person you are!". The fact that he persisted in face of adversity, tried to win the affection of other people, disqualifies him. I believe this somehow ties back to how obsessed over sexual exclusivity this community is. Screw this guy for not committing to a relationship that doesn't even yet exist, right ;)?
Strike one, two, and three. Sorry OP, work on your approach, and hopefully you'll score one day.
Is everyone ignoring the fact that he asked out 3 girls in one day?
That's exactly the point. If that's exactly what happened, he asked out those girls BECAUSE THEY WERE SUGGESTED TO HIM. He didn't ask them out because he had feelings for them, oh no. He asked them out simply for the purpose of having a girlfriend. If he truly had any feelings for any of them, he wouldn't be able to just move on to the next girl like that. He's not the type of guy anyone should seek out in a relationship, and he's certainly not someone who should be pitied for being turned down.
They probably had it all planned out and were just messing with you... Don't get discouraged though, OP! You have to remember that some girls can be vicious for no reason sometimes.
I just said stupid because she said it. I said "probably" and "if," meaning that they "could have" planned it to mess with OP. I never said that they have to say yes. "IF" they did set it up to where OP was turned down 3 times in a row, then that was mean. Not saying they did though. My shit is calm.
Rejected. The word you're looking for is rejected, and it's probably due to the fact that women are so interchangeable to you that you asked out three of them in just one day.
@38 Actually, I LOVE the word friendzone. It's a pretty neat way to identify douchebags - if you think it exists, you're one of them. People who believe in the friendzone are people who need to assign blame. To them, 'rejection' damages their ego, so they use the term 'friendzone' to put the blame on the person rejecting them because they unfairly put them into a zone instead of considering them as a potential date.
@41 - And it's not like women don't perpetuate the myth or anything. Honestly, people doing the rejecting are usually terrible at being honest about their feelings. "I don't like this guy, how do I tell him I don't like him without hurting his feelings? OH, WAIT, I CAN TELL HIM HE'S JUST TOO GOOD OF A FRIEND TO RISK LOSING!" Yes, the "friendzone" is only a tool for entitled men to save face, but let's not forget it's also used to save face by the women who think men are too fragile to hear the truth.
#47 I'm assuming you never had to reject someone who was interested in you. Even if it's a complete stranger, unless you're an asshole it's a pretty hard thing to do to someone because you KNOW you're going to hurt their feelings no matter how you phrase it. If everyone was painfully honest about it, the most likely thing you'd hear would be "Sorry, I don't find you sexually attractive." and that's pretty harsh. So a lot of people (men AND women alike) try to take the less hurtful route by saying "I don't see you as more than a friend.", which pretty much means the same thing.
#47. I think much of the negativity against the word 'friendzone' (and its variants) stems from misuse of the term. Assuming the FML is the whole of the story, it doesn't meet the definition. OP doesn't mention any of these ladies stringing him along for money, companionship, yardwork, etc. He only states that he asked and they turned him down. Does friendzoning exist? Yes. I've seen it. I've also seen the term used as an excuse for poor behavior and to milk sympathy for people who are incredulous that they have been rejected. People get rejected. Ugly people, pretty people, nice people, assholes - we all get rejected. Being turned down isn't the same as being friendzoned - you can be turned down without being used. Learning to accept rejection with grace is a mark of maturity.
@63 - It's really not that hard to say, "Sorry, I don't feel the same way" or "I appreciate the thought, but no thank you". What happened to "you're not my type"? I guess using those makes me heartless because I don't try to sugarcoat things when I reject somebody.
The world he is looking for is "politically-correct rejected". If you're saying to someone: "You're a really nice person but I can't date you because I know you too much and you are my friend" you have not really explained why you are rejecting the person. And this can leave a sentiment of frustration.
DING DING DING DING DING! We have a winner! I think most guys who claim they landed in the "friendzone" are fucking creeps who the girl just told "let's just be friends" because it's less scary than the alternative of saying "you're a creep" and spending the rest of her life worrying that he'll stalk, rape, and kill her. And I'm speaking as a guy who has been rejected, and deserved it.
105, ummmm, I hate to break it to you, but "I don't see you as anything but a friend/I prefer you as a friend/I don't want our relationship to change" actually *is* a perfectly rational explanation, and you are a bit of an asshole for feeling otherwise entitled to an intimate relationship. Sometimes you make a better friend than lover, and attempting to force it into a romantic or sexual relationship is creepy af
52 and 69: I didn't mean "try to change her mind" by being a loitering pest, follow her around wherever she goes and ask her out every day until she says yes, but since they seem to be friends or at least run in the same social circle, he could just be really attentive to her and make her feel special in a totally non-creepy way. And maybe, possibly, being wooed that way could lead to her changing her mind. Or not. But then at least he put a real effort in and she knows he was being genuine. I'm a woman myself. If an aquaintance asked me out out of the blue and then went to my friends too, I wouldn't think the guy had any real interest in me as a person, only in someone possibly filling in the empty "girlfriend" position. If instead he made an effort to get to know me better and being really chivarous and attentive (being able to hold a longer conversation, noticing my empty glass and offering to get me something from the bar, remembering my hobbies and interests and surprise me with a little token in relation to them some other time) would make me feel special and interesting and would in turn make it more likely that I could be interested in a relationship with that guy.
No, you don't. You respect her answer and move on. If you're willing to try to change her mind about her no here, where else would you do it? How can she trust you to respect anything she says? Would you try to pressure her into sex if she clearly didn't want to have it?
There's no one opinion on this. I've seen several relationships start as friendships, where He was persistent and She wanted to keep him as a friend (note about this: if you'd help someone move (or with homework or what have you), but, if you're being honest, you wouldn't expect them to return the favor (in the same way) chances are you're NOT friends.) On the other hand, I've heard enough stories about "that stalker, [Name], who won't leave me alone".
#149 Seeing as she suggested for him to go to her friends and he did, she probably doesn't think he is really interested in her. Wooing her should ensure that she does know he is sincere within a couple of weeks. If then, with that knowledge, she still says no, then of course he should respect that and move on, not persue her for months or years.
I know how you feel op. but I think this is a perfect opportunity to focus on other important goals in life. Those who push for a relationship that shouldn't be, often just hurt themselves.
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.Show it anyway
The moment someone says Friendzone, everyone freaks out and calls OP a presumptive douche for wanting only sex and finding women as objects. Which of course isn't what being in the friend zone is, but oh well. Being friend zoned is having a woman make it very clear to you that there is no chance of being a boyfriend. I've had women do this to me within minutes of meeting me. This attitude also presumes that men don't have feelings and only want sex from women. Maybe OP was really lonely and wanted to go on a date. Fuck him for wanting to meet someone. Maybe he had prom coming up. But no one thinks about that either.
Maybe the better question would be then what are you doing in those minutes of meeting you they decide that? They might just not find you attractive,not like your sense of humor,not looking or any number of reasons. If disappointment about getting turned down in a few min is a thing maybe you've gotten a reputation for considering every woman as a potential option and that's been passed around through friends.