Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML
Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
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Top comments
NorfolkDude 2
You're a woman and her child, so perhaps she trusted you. What if someday your mom is 87 years old, and requires you to clean her, feed her, and change her diapers all the while she's unable to even talk? Are you going to post on FML about how your life sucks? Or are you going to behave like a responsible, moral person who takes care of her family rather than find it disgusting and something for all to hear?
xApril 0
She sat on a pencil and it magically made her ass bleed? I have an image of a pencil standing straight up and usually just doesn't happen like that, pal.
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Comments (73)
DynamicDave 11
Am I the only one who found this inexplicably funny?
pikantna777 0
no :)
mushoo_fml 0
And how does that even compare to her wiping your ass for you when you were a baby?
lyndis_fml 0
There is NO reason she shouldn't have been able to do this herself. Lazy bitch.
blastvortex 4
Well, you were a better choice than your boyfriend. =p Of course, if the pencil was something that you left lying around, you only have yourself to blame.
WorkThatButt 2
How dare you post this on FML? (Unless you want your FML to get moderated, just to serve your ego) - That woman screamed in pain and agony to bring you into this world, wiped your ass when you needed wiping, fed you, teached you, and you can't effing just take care of a small cut on her outter butt?...
dearambivalence 0
On the bright side, it wasn't your father's ass.
PumpkinTarte 0
Don't worry, at least your mother isn't a turtle.
ging287 3
This is fake how would your mother cut herself with a pencil by sitting on it? unless the pencil was pointing straight up and I doubt that happened.
No_fyl_cuz_ydi 0
Number 30 the correct form is taught not teached. Perhaps you shouldn't have dropped out of school ... idiot
dancingyrlie 1
she probably cleaned and put ointment on dozens of your wounds as a kid, some of which were undoubtedly in private places. i think you owe her. YDI for thinking this is a FML.