Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML
Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
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Top comments
NorfolkDude 2
You're a woman and her child, so perhaps she trusted you. What if someday your mom is 87 years old, and requires you to clean her, feed her, and change her diapers all the while she's unable to even talk? Are you going to post on FML about how your life sucks? Or are you going to behave like a responsible, moral person who takes care of her family rather than find it disgusting and something for all to hear?
xApril 0
She sat on a pencil and it magically made her ass bleed? I have an image of a pencil standing straight up and usually just doesn't happen like that, pal.
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Comments (73)
wambamtysam 0
#83, yeah and then someone would come along and slap them for being "ungrateful, selfish, and whatever". sure that's not the most exciting way to show your mom you're thankful and you love her, but for heavens sake, it was a tiny pencil wound, not a butcher knife gash, like it was really that difficult. op - congratulations on being a whiney spoiled brat.
hollyberry 0
i know how you feel! my mom once had a tick there. lucky for me she went to my dad for help after a few tries. but i was still scarred afterward
Ace118 0
Mum: "Today, I sat on a pencil and had to ask my daughter to clean the wound. Despite the fact that I wiped poo from her bumhole countless times, she would not stop complaining. FML"
RuralNinja 0
YDI for actually doing it. There is no part of anyone's ass that they can't reach with their hands, unless she's morbidly obese and has too many rolls to get her arm around.
Ninjaface 0
Tell your dad he needs some male enhancement pills. I've heard of a pencil penis before, but when he actually pierces your mom's skin that's where you draw the line.
cmac86 24
well she did it for you when you were younger.
the_en4sur 0
hey alexandraa i call bullshit, pics now!!! lol jk it probably looks like u have a beauty mark on ur tush lol
illy88 0
for gods sake shes ur mom...she cleaned up ur ass multiple times..get the **** over it..and this isnt an fml..ur stupid
Crusheddd 0
LMAO!! Comment 55 you watched the family elarning channel reject thing? LMAO!!! I Loved that one! The little popcorn dudes dancing. YAYYY!!!!!! Me aand my BFFFFFFFFFFFFFL Meagnn did this all the time in primary school (We also did the other ones like 'I live in a giant bucket' or 'Imthe queen of evil' we luved them all they were sooo funny) We did this in school one time, little did we know there was a teacher standing right behind us..We got a big talk about 'Being Mature' stupid teachers.....Grrrr.....
Lenny8_fml 0
Well thats kinda weird. She shoulda wiped of her own ass!!!