Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML
Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
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Top comments
NorfolkDude 2
You're a woman and her child, so perhaps she trusted you. What if someday your mom is 87 years old, and requires you to clean her, feed her, and change her diapers all the while she's unable to even talk? Are you going to post on FML about how your life sucks? Or are you going to behave like a responsible, moral person who takes care of her family rather than find it disgusting and something for all to hear?
xApril 0
She sat on a pencil and it magically made her ass bleed? I have an image of a pencil standing straight up and usually just doesn't happen like that, pal.
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Comments (73)
catriona_cd 0
grow up you self absorbed little cow. how often did your mum wipe you asshole and clean you up as a child? how often did she help you when you hurt your self? me me me me me me me me me, me me, me me me me me..oh me me me. is that how all your conversations go? get over yourself and suck it up. would hate to have you as a mother. what are you going to do when your child (if you have any) ***** it's nappy? or hurts themself? people like you are whats wrong with this world!
sooverit01 0
Not a FML. When I had my operation last year, my mum came to stay with me and helped me do everything from going to the toilet to having a bath. Parents and their children do these things for each other. I vote YDI for being such a crappy daughter.
perdix 31
Your parents ought to stick with standard, man-on-top missionary position. Reverse cowgirl is just too dangerous with a pencil-dick like your dad.
Rayn4u_fml 0
You can't tell if he's trying to screw her or erase her.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Was it at least a number 2?
sdcrazy1018 0
I have a hard time believing this, unless by pencil you mean syringe?
RufusCade 7
If the pencil point breaks off it could give blood poisoning and/or lead poisoning. Of course she wanted someone else to have a look at it to see if there were any parts of the lead left. This is not an FML and therefore an YDI.
ghadir 2
you can't get lead poisoning cuz it's not really lead..it's graphite
ChurchofFagenism 0
How about a magic trick? I'm going to make this pencil disappear...
The_Disturbed 5
PMSL. Joker reference FTW xD lol
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Why so serious, #49?
Bright_Lights 14
You wanna know how I got these scars?
lostfaithinpppl 19
You could have said no.
prc_ 5
Buuuhuuu.... *cry* I hate princess bitches liek you..
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
(stares at the ground for a second while blood pours out) "My anus is bleeding!" "Yaaaay!" "For the love of God and all that is holy, MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!!" "Yaaaay!"
ChurchofFagenism 0
Hahahah!!! YAAAAAAAY!