Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML
Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
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Top comments
NorfolkDude 2
You're a woman and her child, so perhaps she trusted you. What if someday your mom is 87 years old, and requires you to clean her, feed her, and change her diapers all the while she's unable to even talk? Are you going to post on FML about how your life sucks? Or are you going to behave like a responsible, moral person who takes care of her family rather than find it disgusting and something for all to hear?
xApril 0
She sat on a pencil and it magically made her ass bleed? I have an image of a pencil standing straight up and usually just doesn't happen like that, pal.
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Comments (73)
CallMeHush 1
Oh the horror, did you have to suck out the poison too? I just hope she didn't have a really hairy ass.
Skull_300 0
Next, Mother's calls me into the kitchen. She "accidently" sat down on a cucumber....
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
If you ever accidentally sit on a cucumber, you need two things and two things quick: a pair of ice tongs and a friend who can keep a secret.
rachelbrianna25 0
is it that big? her butt? i would run and not come back for 24 hrs so she would have it taken care of by then. hahahahaha!
flylikemusic 0
Ungrateful asshole. Your mom changed your diapers. She was in pain and you probably made her feel worse.
jane99 2
How hard is it to clean and bandage a wound the size of a pencil tip?
grinchgirl 0
OMG you selfish little cow. Do you think your Mom WANTED to have to ask you to do that? Maybe she was just as embarrassed as you because she knows what a rotten little brat you are. Oh you poor thing, you had to help your Mom out. Did you think, maybe, since the wound was on her butt, that she couldn't see/reach to clean it out properly and needed HELP. For the record, if it was my Mom I would help her. Would I like it, probably not, would I be a bit embarassed by it, probably, but that's your MOM asshole! Grow the **** up.
DrewsFML 8
Mom: "when you're done playing with my hemmoroid, the pencil hole is a little to the right". Now that would be a proper FML.
a_robot_duck 0
I love how people are calling this chick selfish for not wanting to clean and lube her mom's ass.
thelegendarystm_fml 1
ydi for being a selfish twat
stuckonarock 0
hmmm I wonder how that pencil got there in the first place