Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML
Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
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Top comments
NorfolkDude 2
You're a woman and her child, so perhaps she trusted you. What if someday your mom is 87 years old, and requires you to clean her, feed her, and change her diapers all the while she's unable to even talk? Are you going to post on FML about how your life sucks? Or are you going to behave like a responsible, moral person who takes care of her family rather than find it disgusting and something for all to hear?
xApril 0
She sat on a pencil and it magically made her ass bleed? I have an image of a pencil standing straight up and usually just doesn't happen like that, pal.
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Comments (73)
Pointy130 0
EXPLANATION: the pencil was on the side of a foam, office style chair, pointing towards the center. She sat, foam compressed, pencil anled towards her ass. Mystery solved.
Heart_FML 0
what is so FML about you helping your mother when she got hurt its not likes he didnt clean the shit off your ass when you were a kid shmuck
xxcashmoney100 0
Incest lil ******
hassenpfeffermmm 0
Your mom used to wipe shit off your ass. Ungrateful is the nicest thing to possibly say about it.
SACKERLAND 6
MILF :D
simsimma88 0
who gives a shit? it's your damn mom. she used to clean your shit when you were a baby. suck it up bitch
eaze_ya_miind 1
NOT a fml!!!!! that's your mother. she would do it for you, and I'm sure she tooks care of every booboo you ever got, so it shouldn't be an issue to return the love! I would do ANYTHING for my mother! no matter how awkward or "yucky"
jcqtpie 0
That just made me sicker than I was 5 seconds ago... Fml too
fml_mu 10
So what? She is your mother... I guess if you would have been wonded in that place she would not be wining like you. What would have worried her is your pain and would not hesitate to do everything to heal your wound. That's what you call a mother and yes it's no FML, it's your duty.
jmelsha11 11
Anal