Intimacy: Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having...

By bowler99 - 12/01/2015 16:43 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 171

You deserved it 15 057

Intimacy

This Charming Man

Compromises

Your cooking, dude

By Anon - 15/05/2015 13:58 - United States - Lakeville

Today, my brother and I had a long argument. He believes wholeheartedly that pineapples are not actually fruits, but berries. When I showed him a google search, he accused me of "faking" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 148

You deserved it 4 043

By sexaddict - 07/01/2009 08:16 - France

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I lost my virginity and I've already had sex with 3 guys. I think I'm a nympho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 962

You deserved it 80 907

By loverofstrife - 07/10/2009 22:36 - United States

Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 045

You deserved it 5 603

By crazymuch - 01/02/2009 18:08 - Canada

Today, I talked to my boss about the fact that I have been diagnosed as bipolar and I am having a really hard time with it. He told me to look on the bright side, now that I'm crazy I will never have to do Jury Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 046

You deserved it 4 025

Not how it works...

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 00:00 - Canada

Today, my classmate told me she can copy an article from the internet and hand that in, as long as she cites it at the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 959

You deserved it 403

Supportive

By Burden - 12/03/2021 06:31 - India

Today, once again, my mom ranted about how she sacrificed so much for me by moving to a better city. I said it was for my education and to stop making me feel like a burden. She scoffed, "Right, you never should've been born. My mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 130

You can count on it

By amie - 11/08/2009 08:43 - Canada

Today, my mom said that we needed to have a family meeting because of all the issues that have been going on with our family. My mom, sister and I sat down and began to talk about everything. As I started to cry, my sister looks at my mom and says, "I win!" She bet my mom $20 that I would cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 091

You deserved it 7 976

Ed Shitran

By Lucky Willis - 16/10/2021 05:00 - United States - Sebring

Today, I wrote a song for my ex-girlfriend, hoping maybe we could give it another try. I emailed it to her and went about my day, wondering if she would respond. About six hours later, a deputy knocks on my door and serves me with an order of protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 1 341

Money hole

By Anonymous - 15/07/2020 17:00

Today, my uncle kept his promise and left me his holiday house in his will. What he didn’t tell me was it’s been unmaintained for 14 years and is unfit for human habitation, has 2 mortgages, and now it and all its issues are now mine. Old, dead bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 309

Smooth talker

By pixie - 17/02/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 728

You deserved it 13 724

Check these out

By doubleds - 03/06/2009 19:39 - Canada

Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 458

You deserved it 5 653

By sandysmith - 18/02/2012 15:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was at my house to hang out. When he was leaving I thought it would be cute to run and jump on him to say goodbye. He fell and hit his head. He is now in the hospital with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 583

You deserved it 33 970

By Anonymous - 28/06/2012 02:28 - United States - Lakewood

Today, while walking around the local thrift store, I noticed an attractive guy watching me and following me through the aisles. As he followed me to my car I was sure I would get his number. He then asks me to bring my purse inside as I had been tagged as a shoplifter. I work at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 594

You deserved it 2 501

By Anonymous - 08/07/2016 22:09

Today, my boss reprimanded me for a huge screw-up that he was responsible for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 735

You deserved it 830

By Mandy93 - 20/12/2012 13:57 - Germany - Reipoltskirchen

Today, my mother has stooped to a new level of "hiding" Christmas gifts. She now just dumps them in the middle of the floor and says, "Don't look at them." If she even thinks I'm glancing in the direction of the pile, she will burst into a manic rage, and yell at me for "ruining the surprise." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 126

You deserved it 7 676

By Bec - 25/07/2011 14:10 - Australia

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 360

You deserved it 3 586

By why - 02/05/2016 20:08 - United States - Beachwood

Today, the family I was serving had ordered calamari and when I brought out the food, they started yelling at me because apparently their daughter was allergic to it. Just why would you order it then? FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 941

You deserved it 873

By Oy Vay - 14/11/2016 06:09 - United States - Sparkill

Today, my daughter, whom I consigned a credit card for, told me she was in a bit of financial trouble. It turns out that she was trying to pay off her credit card with the same credit card her bill was for, and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 829

You deserved it 1 178

By littledipper - 25/09/2013 03:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 953

You deserved it 4 615

By feistychick - 25/04/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 062

You deserved it 2 747

By PlayboyBunny - 19/02/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, the sweetest thing my boyfriend ever told me was that I'd make a good porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 508

You deserved it 8 619

A tale as old as time

By Anonymous - 19/12/2021 02:01

Today, my wife and I used to have sex at least 5 times a week, but since we said "I DO" at our wedding I’m lucky to get a shag once a month, and you can forget about blowjobs, I’ve not had one since before the wedding. Nothing about our life has changed to cause this, except we’re married now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 299

By jkass - 07/10/2011 15:07 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 322

You deserved it 4 469

Nice try

By Gog - 26/05/2021 07:59

Today, someone tried to scam me by selling me a ticket to a Chris Cornell concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 86

Going swimmingly

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 18:03 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was excited to go to swim after a long time of not doing so because of Covid restrictions. After changing into my trunks and putting my goggles on, I jumped into the pool straight away, while still wearing my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 599

By Anonymous - 22/07/2016 22:01

Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 904

You deserved it 1 109

By dearbailee - 18/09/2012 14:04 - United States

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 859

You deserved it 4 080

By Anonymous - 01/06/2010 16:43 - United States

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 898

You deserved it 4 483

By awkward. - 29/12/2012 15:50 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 223

You deserved it 3 175

By Curly - 09/01/2013 00:26 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my wife has the flu, while I have strep throat. We have a two-year-old toddler and have no clue as to who's more contagious and who should take care of her as to not get her sick. Yay for the entire day of surgical masks and Sesame Street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 316

You deserved it 2 719

By pinkblankets - 19/04/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 024

You deserved it 29 826

By anonymous - 14/07/2012 05:06 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a park, alone, late at night. Things were getting kind of heavy and he started undressing me, when we heard a loud "Hey!" and a flashlight coming through the bushes. My boyfriend then decided to ditch me, while still holding my shirt and bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 405

You deserved it 9 847

By Anonymous - 19/09/2018 22:15

Today, I was flirting with a guy and we ended up having a deep conversation through text. We were talking all our problems, and saying really sweet things to each other. I THOUGHT he was going to say something else really sweet and cute. He linked me to Suicide Hotline instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 859

You deserved it 511

By 1gullible_bugger - 08/07/2019 20:00

Today, I was assaulted by a crazy drunk woman. Why? Six years ago, her kids were put into foster care because she was unfit. Somehow, this was my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 116

By Jasmine_smilee - 02/09/2013 06:47 - United States - Canby

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 084

You deserved it 8 892

By dreamdude - 20/09/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 261

You deserved it 4 051

By Anonymous - 04/04/2015 12:53 - United States

Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 482

You deserved it 4 229

By Staying Home Today - 04/03/2014 12:25 - United States - Severn

Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 900

You deserved it 3 768

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 21:06 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 026

You deserved it 1 856

By XYZee - 22/08/2012 20:27 - United States - Rockmart

Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 886

You deserved it 1 995

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Awahso 25

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 0:02

Well, only one option left. Go smack him around until you get your money back.

kingkobrastrikes 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 0:05

you have to remember, OP, that you cannot trust little siblings even if you pay them. They get the money and get you in trouble. It's a win-win for the little bugger's. Sorry, but YDI.

Awahso 25

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 0:02

Well, only one option left. Go smack him around until you get your money back.

ManateeRex 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 0:11

Where's mah monay bitch!

bluebluhblou 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 0:13

the moral of this story is that if you kiss and don't tell, your brother will tell.

Just_A_Tree 20

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 2:10

I think the real moral of this story is that locks are a magical thing, and little siblings are in the business of snapping necks and cashing checks and don't give a damn about their bad reputation.

Lancer033 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 5:05

#1 make sure you have dirt on him, #2 standard payment for not ratting out an older sibling is not getting beat up. stop being a pussy. YDI.

littleteapot 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 5:41

The doors in my house are easily unlocked with a butter knife, credit card, penny, or pretty much anything. Maybe OP's locks suck like mine. On a side note, if you do have to beat your money out of him... used a rolled up phone book. No bruises! Another side note, don't beat your little brother.

Astrum14 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 14:07

Or maybe there's no locks at all. Lots of older houses don't have locks on the door. I had to install one myself in the last place I lived. And if they're renting, they might not be able to do that, depending on the person you're renting from.

KitchKraft 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 15:36

He deserved it for having sex in a place where his little brother would walk in. It's none of my business what a person's sex life is like, but they should be more careful or not complain when they get caught.

Wakachulak 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 17:28

I second 91. Just pawn his PlayStation.

reneetlovesyou 30

Send a private message

Thursday 15 January 2015 0:44

I agree with 118. If you're still living with your parents and have to sneak around to have sex, that's a sign you probably shouldn't be doing it.

em_the_g 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 0:04

I guess he doesn't like bribery :/

iLike2Teabag 27

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 7:47

Or he's found a way to make $2 per minute without lifting a finger. Pretty smart if you ask me.

Mysterious_one 20

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 15:10

not so smart.. little brother could have made more money out of it

2ophiia 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 15:46

107: if he were in it for the money, I don't think he would have told! That takes away any future chances of blackmail or bribes.

kingkobrastrikes 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 0:05

you have to remember, OP, that you cannot trust little siblings even if you pay them. They get the money and get you in trouble. It's a win-win for the little bugger's. Sorry, but YDI.

love_struck97 19

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 0:49

Siblings are supposed to have each others backs not snitch on eachother

MidnaLink 33

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 1:48

"Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs"! Remember that one.

Emzinatorbot 26

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 0:05

Steal your $30 when he's sleeping!

linkinpark98 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 January 2015 6:31

That still won't cover up the fact that the guy's parents now know their son has been having sex in their house while his younger sibling was on loose. But hey, money is money!