Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I... - FML

By fmlfmlfml - 10/7/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24807

You deserved it

60704

Tweet

Share

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

Business savvy

Trust

By bras r expensive ppl - 27/1/2017 16:00

Today, I realized I was at a top quality ski resort when, while riding the lift, I counted three bras which appeared to have been thrown into the trees from the lift. My little brother counted eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6063

You deserved it

695

Tweet

Share

By - 5/2/2017 13:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, the moment after hitting "confirm payment" for my boyfriend's valentine gift (along with some sexy lingerie for the occasion) on a shopping app, my period tracker app popped up to let me know I'll be well into my period on the 14th. I'm getting cockblocked by mother nature herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7304

You deserved it

1089

Tweet

Share

By RIP - 7/10/2012 18:34 - Finland - Espoo

Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29556

You deserved it

1805

Tweet

Share

By e - 2/12/2010 09:24 - United States

Today, I couldn't find my key so I sat against the wall to wait for my roommate to get home. I fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours later, I could hear her inside. She chose not to wake me up and let me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27347

You deserved it

4291

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 17:26 - Canada - Uxbridge

Today, I'm insanely hungover from a long night of drinking. I'm going to my nephew's baptism in an hour as his godmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8169

You deserved it

55083

Tweet

Share

By hotelbound - 21/5/2013 00:37 - United States - Florissant

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46235

You deserved it

2961

Tweet

Share

By Samantha - 31/5/2009 12:44 - Singapore

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. She celebrated her birthday two months ago. She decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71711

You deserved it

5069

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/1/2010 00:29 - Canada

Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41756

You deserved it

3441

Tweet

Share

By feckingnasty - 26/1/2018 19:00

Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4520

You deserved it

455

Tweet

Share

By are you kidding me - 20/10/2014 04:53 - United States - Wichita

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35824

You deserved it

2678

Tweet

Share

By troublewithbleach - 6/4/2011 01:52 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35344

You deserved it

11710

Tweet

Share

By oh... - 20/10/2013 20:34 - United States - Springfield

Today, I realized that when my dad said he would pay for my college, he really meant that he was going to forge my signature on a student loan in my name and not make payments on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51263

You deserved it

3585

Tweet

Share

By swmmr - 7/8/2011 19:41 - United States

Today, my dad suggested that as an alternative to buying me new school clothes that actually fit, I should just join the swim team, lose some weight, and wear my stuff from last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26354

You deserved it

14050

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/9/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26257

You deserved it

274376

Tweet

Share

By Lovesucks - 2/12/2019 14:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Is she better than me?

Today, I found out my boyfriend, who is buying me a ring for my birthday is buying my best friend a ring that cost 10 times more than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2701

You deserved it

244

Tweet

Share

By supergingerr11 - 9/7/2011 05:55 - United States

Today, I was supposed to have a double date. My date didn't show. I spent my day in the living room waiting for the pizza guy while my best friend and her boyfriend made out. The pizza guy never showed either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38426

You deserved it

3034

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/9/2019 20:00 - United States

Bounced

Today, I was at a metal concert and I met a really cute girl. We got talking, and started getting close. We were about to kiss during the transitional period between 2 bands, but I was then pulled away by her father, who owned the venue. I was thrown out. Before the main act. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1897

You deserved it

209

Tweet

Share

By ant_hater - 28/8/2011 18:18 - United States

Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23536

You deserved it

2503

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/3/2020 03:02

Kids, it doesn't get any better

Today, I was sitting in class when I overheard a group talking about how much they don't like me. When they saw me there, they burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1726

You deserved it

95

Tweet

Share

By reckless182 - 27/7/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I had to tell my 10 year old son that me and his father are getting a divorce. His reply? "Yes! I call living with dad!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

58007

You deserved it

13272

Tweet

Share

By thehaystackerine - 24/6/2020 14:02

Bad boy

Today, my family and I are spending the weekend with my in-laws, and their disrespectful, disobedient asshole of a dog. He does whatever he wants, and if I scold him, my mother-in-law in turn scolds me, then tells me how something one of us did is to blame for the dog's behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1283

You deserved it

184

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/4/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I was running the register at my work and this big lady pulls her wad of cash out of her bra and hands it to me. The bills she handed me were moist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82118

You deserved it

3856

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/5/2012 03:24 - United States - Spring Grove

Today, an extremely hot police officer reprimanded me. It was pretty awkward considering she stopped me because of public urination. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6856

You deserved it

34051

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/7/2020 08:02

Lingo

Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

668

You deserved it

1339

Tweet

Share

By nowbrokevaper - 19/11/2016 18:47 - United States - Pomona

Today, I found out that my boss, who had promised me a raise, is not promoting me. He says I don't have the right 'vibe' and I'm not 'relaxed' enough for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9267

You deserved it

774

Tweet

Share

By Sonofa - 17/5/2013 15:52 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

I agree, your life sucks

53003

You deserved it

3766

Tweet

Share

By annonoymus - 16/3/2010 16:00 - Australia

Today, I was having an in depth discussion with my girlfriends father about how corrupt journalists are and how our town's paper is the worst paper on the planet. After insulting basically everything about the newspaper, I asked him what he did for a living. He's the editor of the newspaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14674

You deserved it

46886

Tweet

Share

By Sod's Law in action - 17/3/2018 01:30

Today, I turned up to my job interview ready for any question, with impeccable references and previous work experience. Then I saw that one of my interviewers was the lady I accidentally hit with my bicycle last week. She still has stitches in her cheek. No job for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3862

You deserved it

1087

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/8/2010 06:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I start work in an office, with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29462

You deserved it

12649

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/4/2020 20:00

That escalated quickly

Today, I chipped my front tooth trying to pick up my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1216

You deserved it

276

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/3/2013 07:02 - Canada

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43139

You deserved it

3321

Tweet

Share

By broken - 23/9/2016 01:52 - United States - Arcata

Today, the guy I'm seeing told me, "I've always loved you as a person.... but not in any other way." While he was inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13944

You deserved it

1059

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/2/2011 20:19 - United States

Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59303

You deserved it

5125

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44086

You deserved it

10458

Tweet

Share

By Mycardoesn'tevenwork - 22/2/2016 20:16 - United States

Today, I was in a car accident on the way to work. I called my boss and told him I had to deal with the police and the accident report and didn't know how long it would take. He got mad and said I "should have picked a better time to do this". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21884

You deserved it

1480

Tweet

Share

By Nearis - 16/2/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, I received a call from the police about a car accident that I was a witness to. As the only witness who stopped to help, I was remembered by the other cars involved. They're blaming me for the accident. The cops want to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33779

You deserved it

2756

Tweet

Share

By AliRocks - 15/2/2011 19:03 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for vandalizing public property. I decided to draw a cat on the street outside my house in sidewalk chalk. I'm 20, and I have to explain to my parents why I'm playing with chalk instead of studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18832

You deserved it

26569

Tweet

Share

By distressed - 17/3/2015 12:00 - Australia - Burwood

Today, my mother worked out that my boyfriend and I are having sex. Instead of confronting me about it, she now just sits and stares at me judgmentally whenever I'm in the same room as her, making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36116

You deserved it

6920

Tweet

Share

By chevygirl51 - 28/5/2014 21:12 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. It was all going well until out of habit from driving with my boyfriend, I reached over and held my instructor's hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47824

You deserved it

17971

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/11/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16950

You deserved it

31178

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By atruegem | 0

#384365 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:19

Rookie! Imagine how it would have scared him if you had made yourself noticed WHILE he was having phone sex. You passed the chance of a lifetime out of cowardice :P

By Fuck_The_Police | 0

#384388 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:35

Lol it would have been awsome if you scared him during phone sex

COMMENTS

By VintageGuitarist | 0

#384363 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:18

Why would you sneak out and pretend it never happened?

Reply

Ryozo_Kato | 0

#384409 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:58

Because, do you really feel like explaining to your brother that you were in his room the entire time he was having phone sex... Awkward..

Reply

Tkdxxxse | 0

#844192 - Thursday 11 February 2010 10:32

I would have jacked off then if he saw me I would be like I can explain........……........................ hold up let me finish lol

Reply

ruby29 | 0

#1076667 - Saturday 10 July 2010 8:46

If she told him he would get and probably get back at her bad.

Reply

fluffyzoe64 | 0

#2553085 - Monday 23 May 2011 14:12

The best solution would have been to scare him shortly after he picked up the phone as soon as the phone sex started. I think his girlfriend would have enjoyed hearing him squeal like a girl and you wouldn't have been stuck:)

By Kp_10 | 0

#384364 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:19

bahaha

By atruegem | 0

#384365 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:19

Rookie! Imagine how it would have scared him if you had made yourself noticed WHILE he was having phone sex. You passed the chance of a lifetime out of cowardice :P

Reply

MR_OHCRAP | 0

#384419 - Friday 10 July 2009 13:07

What would be even worse if the OP masturbated over them both having phone sex XD

Reply

atruegem | 0

#384472 - Friday 10 July 2009 14:05

seriously, the possibilities! It could have been the mother of all family pranks

Reply

animaniatico | 0

#384944 - Friday 10 July 2009 19:19

he could go and say, bo?
(with the interrogation mark)
or blackmail him (always works)

Reply

pleasetryagain | 0

#385823 - Saturday 11 July 2009 1:06

Agreed! Plus, if he went through with the prank before any of this started, he could have saved himself a lot of awkwardness. Why did the OP wait just because his girlfriend calls?

Reply

A83_fml | 18

#387473 - Saturday 11 July 2009 16:56

perfect spot, perfect time for making goat sounds..

Reply

ScarlettFolklore | 0

#409087 - Sunday 19 July 2009 2:03

Agree! Hahahaa

By abdur | 0

#384366 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:20

lol Good Job with that! :P

By d347hm4n | 0

#384368 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:20

Quality stuff :D Keep up the good work. Something for his marriage speech.

By MadaFaka_fml | 0

#384374 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:27

lol....

By Fuck_The_Police | 0

#384388 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:35

Lol it would have been awsome if you scared him during phone sex

By Jimboom | 11

#384389 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:35

Ha ha! Wussy. Should have done it in the middle of his phone sex. Now THAT would have been funny!

Reply

sophiepento | 0

#385708 - Saturday 11 July 2009 0:24

So true.

By eliz3 | 0

#384391 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:36

Now that is a true FYL.

By SimpleSimon | 0

#384394 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:39

I agree, if you'd scared him while he was in the middle, you could probably have fucked up his sexual function for a good while. PTSD brought on by wanking... that's funny!