Intimacy: Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I... - FML

By fmlfmlfml - Canada

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24819

You deserved it

60722

Tweet

Share

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Toxic parents

Pay up, dude

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 14:02

The cheek of some people

Today, the girl my ex-husband cheated on me with, and left me for, called me and asked for money to bail him out of jail. She asked me because I have my own business and I'm financially stable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1311

You deserved it

79

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Hartford

Today, my guidance counselor told me that I'll have to join my school's special education needs sector. This is because I can't attend school properly due to chronic issues with severe pain. So much for my 3.9 GPA and being in the top 5% of my class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51178

You deserved it

3341

Tweet

Share

By flyingpuppy - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my husband has decided to grow a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32416

You deserved it

3837

Tweet

Share

By Lukey1028 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26250

You deserved it

3410

Tweet

Share

By Kin - United States

Today, a girl I've liked for several years gave me her number. Finally, I worked up the courage to call her. It was a suicide help line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48049

You deserved it

3846

Tweet

Share

By FATS DOMINO - United States

Today, my sister finally broke down and told me that our dad gambled away of all my college savings, and I would have to pay for school the best way I can. They have known for months, and when I asked why nobody told me, the reply was, "You're a college boy, we thought you would figure it out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33490

You deserved it

2430

Tweet

Share

By Danners88 - Australia

Today, I was at a Remembrance Day service when an old widow told me I had my "grandad's" medals on the wrong side of my coat. I told her that I was an Afghanistan veteran and that they were mine. She then berated me in front of the WHOLE service for "lying". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46250

You deserved it

2830

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 19:58

What's the point?

Today, my university required us to set learning goals for each semester and then evaluate them later. And no, the answer, "I want to learn whatever they teach me in the classes I’m taking" isn't permitted. Neither is picking your own classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

612

You deserved it

119

Tweet

Share

By (._. ) - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61646

You deserved it

5094

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - China - Shanghai

Today, I was yelled at by a bunch of angry people because I couldn't physically move out of the way while 10 more tried to force their way onto a subway in Shanghai. Then one old lady started hitting me with her purse to get me to move even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24842

You deserved it

2049

Tweet

Share

By SoVeryMonday - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34056

You deserved it

9504

Tweet

Share

By shat - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21845

You deserved it

2468

Tweet

Share

By crapped on - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37917

You deserved it

4138

Tweet

Share

By Dandy

Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7151

You deserved it

781

Tweet

Share

By GT716 - United States

Today, I was at work at a local hot dog chain. A child (about 10, who I've seen there before) came in to order food for his Dad. He orders very excitedly, and I told him he'd be a great worker here when he gets older. He said "oh no, my Dad says I'm too smart to work in a place like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61932

You deserved it

13891

Tweet

Share

By anonmys - United States

Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33369

You deserved it

19371

Tweet

Share

By kingmetal42 - France

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14947

You deserved it

27777

Tweet

Share

By OuttaNowhere81 - United States

Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10553

You deserved it

73393

Tweet

Share

By Lordofdance

Today, the only way my newborn sleeps is if I dance around with him strapped to me. Six hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2816

You deserved it

454

Tweet

Share

By sparkyjaf - Australia - West Pymble

Today, all of my roommates handed in their vacating notice unexpectedly. They are all moving to a new house together in two weeks, leaving me to be either homeless or forced to pay 4 times what I was paying in rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34798

You deserved it

4155

Tweet

Share

By alek - United States

Today, I was the waiter for my family at the village inn. This wasn't so bad until I found out they left me no tip, only a napkin that said, "Get a haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27688

You deserved it

3650

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found my 15-year-old son sleeping on the couch. I asked why, and he said he'd rented his room out to someone on Craigslist to make extra money, so he was getting used to sleeping in the living room instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32909

You deserved it

2858

Tweet

Share

By brainfart - 19/9/2020 10:01

Where is my mind?

Today, I was put on a medication for severe migraines. One of the side effects is difficulty concentrating and word recall. I was writing a paper and sat there trying to remember how to spell "isn't." This medication better work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1068

You deserved it

74

Tweet

Share

By Flip - France

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16757

You deserved it

58290

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

38926

You deserved it

7351

Tweet

Share

By bongoboy - United States

Today, I had to go visit my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum, I then proceded to make sounds of slight pain. My grandma was, at the same moment, walking by and said "Don't masturbate in side of my bathroom you sick teen!" Now my grandma thinks I am a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56240

You deserved it

6206

Tweet

Share

By Username - Canada

Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper and began yelling at the store owners. For some reason, he then removed his shirt in protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38317

You deserved it

3009

Tweet

Share

By illiterate - Australia

Today, my boss gave me an "All you need to know about grammar" book. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11188

You deserved it

32916

Tweet

Share

By makiju - France - M?zi?res-sur-seine

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28421

You deserved it

1957

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I found out that the piece of vacant land I purchased for $20,000 is illegal to build a house on, due to acreage restrictions. Thank you, realtor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28469

You deserved it

5626

Tweet

Share

By Benchlover - United Kingdom

Today, I realized two things: how much time I've spent waiting between lectures, and just how bad my love life is. I found out that I get incredibly jealous when somebody sits on my favourite bench in the centre of the campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9135

You deserved it

1096

Tweet

Share

By syle - France

Today, my son forgot to log out of MSN. He had written, "When am I getting out of this place?" and his username was "mother fucker". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33726

You deserved it

7607

Tweet

Share

By BakedBat - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54857

You deserved it

4423

Tweet

Share

By Nick - United States

Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59501

You deserved it

6895

Tweet

Share

By KBL3 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then started to jiggle them in his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32076

You deserved it

14924

Tweet

Share

By :/ - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25999

You deserved it

3263

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I just bought a car with all of my own money. Then, when I brought it home my dad informed me that my mom will be driving it to work every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49571

You deserved it

4087

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my grandma to the hospital to visit her estranged husband who she hasn't seen in years. After a thoroughly disasterous visit, we're waiting in the carpark and my gran strokes my face and tells me I have a lot of facial hair. I thought she was going to thank me. And I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44664

You deserved it

4012

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8045

You deserved it

44687

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

TMI

Today, I played Call Of Duty online against someone who turned out to be wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29066

You deserved it

7537

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By atruegem | 0

#384365 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:19

Rookie! Imagine how it would have scared him if you had made yourself noticed WHILE he was having phone sex. You passed the chance of a lifetime out of cowardice :P

By Fuck_The_Police | 0

#384388 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:35

Lol it would have been awsome if you scared him during phone sex

COMMENTS

By VintageGuitarist | 0

#384363 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:18

Why would you sneak out and pretend it never happened?

Reply

Ryozo_Kato | 0

#384409 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:58

Because, do you really feel like explaining to your brother that you were in his room the entire time he was having phone sex... Awkward..

Reply

Tkdxxxse | 0

#844192 - Thursday 11 February 2010 10:32

I would have jacked off then if he saw me I would be like I can explain........……........................ hold up let me finish lol

Reply

ruby29 | 0

#1076667 - Saturday 10 July 2010 8:46

If she told him he would get and probably get back at her bad.

Reply

fluffyzoe64 | 0

#2553085 - Monday 23 May 2011 14:12

The best solution would have been to scare him shortly after he picked up the phone as soon as the phone sex started. I think his girlfriend would have enjoyed hearing him squeal like a girl and you wouldn't have been stuck:)

By Kp_10 | 0

#384364 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:19

bahaha

By atruegem | 0

#384365 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:19

Rookie! Imagine how it would have scared him if you had made yourself noticed WHILE he was having phone sex. You passed the chance of a lifetime out of cowardice :P

Reply

MR_OHCRAP | 0

#384419 - Friday 10 July 2009 13:07

What would be even worse if the OP masturbated over them both having phone sex XD

Reply

atruegem | 0

#384472 - Friday 10 July 2009 14:05

seriously, the possibilities! It could have been the mother of all family pranks

Reply

animaniatico | 0

#384944 - Friday 10 July 2009 19:19

he could go and say, bo?
(with the interrogation mark)
or blackmail him (always works)

Reply

pleasetryagain | 0

#385823 - Saturday 11 July 2009 1:06

Agreed! Plus, if he went through with the prank before any of this started, he could have saved himself a lot of awkwardness. Why did the OP wait just because his girlfriend calls?

Reply

A83_fml | 18

#387473 - Saturday 11 July 2009 16:56

perfect spot, perfect time for making goat sounds..

Reply

ScarlettFolklore | 0

#409087 - Sunday 19 July 2009 2:03

Agree! Hahahaa

By abdur | 0

#384366 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:20

lol Good Job with that! :P

By d347hm4n | 0

#384368 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:20

Quality stuff :D Keep up the good work. Something for his marriage speech.

By MadaFaka_fml | 0

#384374 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:27

lol....

By Fuck_The_Police | 0

#384388 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:35

Lol it would have been awsome if you scared him during phone sex

By Jimboom | 11

#384389 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:35

Ha ha! Wussy. Should have done it in the middle of his phone sex. Now THAT would have been funny!

Reply

sophiepento | 0

#385708 - Saturday 11 July 2009 0:24

So true.

By eliz3 | 0

#384391 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:36

Now that is a true FYL.

By SimpleSimon | 0

#384394 - Friday 10 July 2009 12:39

I agree, if you'd scared him while he was in the middle, you could probably have fucked up his sexual function for a good while. PTSD brought on by wanking... that's funny!