Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I picked up my 17 year-old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said, "So, you're the daddy?" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a hoe and me a perv. FML
Today, my husband was arrested on 2 felony charges in a sting. We've been married 5.5 years, had almost enough money for a down payment on a house, were trying to get pregnant, and had a non-refundable trip to London planned. We are now broke and on the verge of divorce. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my husband in jail. He was detained for statutory rape. The girl was his 15 year-old coworker at McDonald’s. He’s 42. I can’t tell which is worse, the fact that we have a daughter the same age, or that he actually wanted me to bail him out. FML
Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me two tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML
Today, we missed our flights to our dream honeymoon destination, which we were lucky to get with so many flight cancellations, because my selfish stepdaughter anonymously called the airline to report us for drug smuggling, all because I married her dad this afternoon. FML
Today, as revenge for not buying her a new iPhone, my twelve-year-old daughter told her father that my boyfriend, who just moved in with us, is on the sex offender list. My ex turned my boyfriend into the cops and his parole could be revoked. FML
Today, I found out my husband got my 22 year-old daughter pregnant. Not only that, he’s drained our savings on her including a new iPhone and Macbook, designer clothes and handbags, etc. His defense, in all seriousness, was, "She’s not even my biological daughter, chill out." FML
Today, my longtime partner had a mental breakdown and broke into my home. After forcefully having to get him out of my house and dealing with Police all morning, my 16-year-old daughter decided to tell me that she's pregnant. She thought one hour after a break in was the right time to tell me. FML
Today, I found some charges on my credit card for two round trip tickets to Las Vegas. Turns out my daughter and her unemployed stoner boyfriend stole my credit card and flew to Vegas over the weekend to get married. I paid for my daughter's elopement. FML
Today, the cops showed up to my house and served me a child support order from the girl I had a one-night stand with, and who'd promised me she would abort the baby. All this was two years ago. My wife of three years was in the house and heard everything. She packed up her things and told me she’ll be calling her attorney. FML
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Top comments
Muffinish 0
Ouch. **** your life, also **** the 12 year-old daughter's life for having a deadbeat dad.
allmidnighteyes 11
On the next episode of Divorce Court....
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Comments (155)
Intoxicunt 6
Hey, maybe he didn't have an affair. Maybe he donated sperm which got used to impregnate a woman thirteen years ago. Then she sued, and, through some loophole, he became responsible for child support. I'm kidding, your husband is a sack of shit. **** your life.
TheOtherNewest1 6
#45 - Win.
AtoZnumbersand_ 1
LOL.
BritishHobo 0
Wow, an actual FML. The wife got cheated on by a total douchebag, some kid out there has a total douchebag for a dad who wasn't there at all as she grew up, and there's a single mother who has to raise a kid by herself because her douchebag father is a cheating sack of shit (i like that, Intoxicunt). That's three FMLs in one, thanks to some absolute jerkass. Well, at least now the OP is free from her marriage with a cheating douchebag, and the kid and mother will start getting child payments from him after his arrest. Actually, FHL. His wife divorced him, he has to pay all the money, and he's an absolute wanker.
baller789 0
I hate all these ******* Bitching women shut the **** up and get ur asses back in the god dam kitchen. U better apologize to him for writing this fml. ******* bitches think that they're human web everyone knows they're objects.
baller789 0
I pray to god wen he comes out I hope he steals everything u have and flee to Mexico and leave all 3 of ur lives ducked up and broke. ******* ****** Women
AlfaAlfa21 0
lol, he's a jackass.
deliapearl 0
yup. this is a FYL. time for a DNA test.
tinatal 0
#53/54 you need to go to hell. you came from a woman so don't you dare insult them, you piece of shit.
aback 5
He's so romantic, he has way too much romance in his soul for just one woman.
plexico 4
Screw you for stealing your stepdaughter's money! You were out there blowing the money on lavish beach trips while your poor stepdaughter was wearing ugly clothes and eating Ramen noodles. You might think it is an excuse that you didn't know about her, but it's not! You should be proud of your husband's virility.