Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I picked up my 17 year-old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said, "So, you're the daddy?" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a hoe and me a perv. FML
Today, my husband was arrested on 2 felony charges in a sting. We've been married 5.5 years, had almost enough money for a down payment on a house, were trying to get pregnant, and had a non-refundable trip to London planned. We are now broke and on the verge of divorce. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my husband in jail. He was detained for statutory rape. The girl was his 15 year-old coworker at McDonald’s. He’s 42. I can’t tell which is worse, the fact that we have a daughter the same age, or that he actually wanted me to bail him out. FML
Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me two tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML
Today, we missed our flights to our dream honeymoon destination, which we were lucky to get with so many flight cancellations, because my selfish stepdaughter anonymously called the airline to report us for drug smuggling, all because I married her dad this afternoon. FML
Today, as revenge for not buying her a new iPhone, my twelve-year-old daughter told her father that my boyfriend, who just moved in with us, is on the sex offender list. My ex turned my boyfriend into the cops and his parole could be revoked. FML
Today, I found out my husband got my 22 year-old daughter pregnant. Not only that, he’s drained our savings on her including a new iPhone and Macbook, designer clothes and handbags, etc. His defense, in all seriousness, was, "She’s not even my biological daughter, chill out." FML
Today, my longtime partner had a mental breakdown and broke into my home. After forcefully having to get him out of my house and dealing with Police all morning, my 16-year-old daughter decided to tell me that she's pregnant. She thought one hour after a break in was the right time to tell me. FML
Today, I found some charges on my credit card for two round trip tickets to Las Vegas. Turns out my daughter and her unemployed stoner boyfriend stole my credit card and flew to Vegas over the weekend to get married. I paid for my daughter's elopement. FML
Today, the cops showed up to my house and served me a child support order from the girl I had a one-night stand with, and who'd promised me she would abort the baby. All this was two years ago. My wife of three years was in the house and heard everything. She packed up her things and told me she’ll be calling her attorney. FML
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Top comments
Muffinish 0
Ouch. **** your life, also **** the 12 year-old daughter's life for having a deadbeat dad.
allmidnighteyes 11
On the next episode of Divorce Court....
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Comments (155)
anonacs 0
Are you asking us if he has a daughter? Why the question? **** I hate people, just get to the ******* point.
alyzandra 0
Way to recap yourself, PaulieeBooMN.
celiba_fml 0
this one is a real fml, not just a **** my day..
dully_fml 0
rhetorical question, dumbass!
AntiChrist7 0
Don't marry a cheating ass. YDI
sublime93 0
Best comment here.
luxornv 0
He was doing a very good job keeping that secret.
moonlight_daze 8
YDI for marrying a douche-bag.
Spider_fml 9
Yeeeeeeeees, cuz she could obviously have known that back then...
Miso_Soupu 0
Go for alimony in the divorce. Make him contribute financially to two lives he wrecked.
crazylady78 0
I'm so sorry! My ex-husband cheated on me after twelve years, I can't even imagine how you feel finding this out. Is there any chance it is a name error? Take your time before you make any decisions, nothing has to be done today. Hugs!
lo1337a 1
I interpreted this as 'he doesn't have a 12 year old, I'd know after 14 years. What a case of mistaken identity/police idiocy.'
AtoZnumbersand_ 1
Lol. I met my father when I was 15 for the first time.. He had been paying child support as well though. His wife and two sons had no idea. I don't know why people put up with this- If I found out my husband had a secret child his ass would be out on the street so fast...