Walk on the wild side - FML

Walk on the wild side

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 07:01 - United States - Tyler

Today, I had to go get my fiancé's car so it wouldn't get impounded after he was arrested at 12 a.m. and charged with a felony. I just got out of prison in March, and we get married next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 3 106

Best teeth in the game

Dysfunctional

The patriarchy rules

31/12/2015 14:33 - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, as always, I tend to smile and giggle when I'm nervous. I couldn't stop it from happening at the funeral of my friend's grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 900

You deserved it 3 599

13/09/2010 19:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 914

You deserved it 6 214

23/04/2019 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 353

18/10/2014 02:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sent my fiancé a sexy picture while I was at work. I never got a response from him, so I gave him a call after a while. His 9-year-old son answered. Apparently he was getting a haircut at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 457

You deserved it 10 246

11/11/2015 14:38 - Australia

Today, I found out that my "friends" only invite me to their parties when they need a designated driver. Apparently I'm "not fun" because I don't drink, which "ruins the party". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 334

You deserved it 2 652

19/02/2014 05:12 - United States - San Diego

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 249

You deserved it 3 716

30/01/2010 20:55 - France

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to skip school with him. His mom came home early. I had to hide in his closet and wait 6 hours for her to go to her book club meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 347

You deserved it 38 355

18/10/2012 06:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 634

You deserved it 2 463

The root

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 02:01 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I got a lecture from my mother about how bad my stress has been, how I have to treat myself better and do something with my life. She still doesn't realize that most of the cause of my stress has been from her berating me about how stressed out I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 72

10/04/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I went out to eat with some friends. They picked a table that wasn't big enough for all of us. I had to sit in the booth behind them. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 281

You deserved it 4 724

06/08/2010 09:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving around town in his car. To my surprise he took me out to lunch. As we were leaving, a girl walks up and asks if he had room for one more for a ride, sadly he only has two seats in his car. Guess who had to walk! FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 236

You deserved it 5 691

12/08/2017 01:30

Today, while at work, a sneeze snuck up on me. Ever sneeze so violently your fake tooth shoots into the cubicle across from you? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 502

You deserved it 318

23/12/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, at work, I brewed myself a fresh cup of coffee. I set the hot coffee onto my desk. My phone rang so I answered my coffee, spilling it all over my face and body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 572

You deserved it 28 017

23/02/2012 11:29 - Australia

Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 276

You deserved it 32 789

19/05/2013 20:33 - United States

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 604

You deserved it 6 372

03/12/2010 17:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother asked me to drill a hole in one of the studs in her ceiling. Finding it a little odd, I asked her about it. It turns out she's installing the sex swing her boyfriend bought her, and I got to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 426

You deserved it 3 134

16/03/2009 02:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 427

You deserved it 18 284

10/02/2009 11:30 - Philippines

Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 319

You deserved it 5 680

15/09/2010 21:20 - United States

Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, sending blood down my horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 617

You deserved it 4 143

29/04/2016 23:22 - United States - Houston

Today, I met my birth father for the first time. The first thing he told me was that if I ever get arrested, I should give him a call so his guys on the inside can look after me. I don't think there's going to be a second meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 893

You deserved it 1 706

09/05/2014 23:57 - United States - Akron

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 362

You deserved it 4 126

30/06/2010 23:36 - United States

Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 621

You deserved it 3 484

02/09/2010 01:26 - France

Today, I talked to my crush for half an hour. It wasn't until I was home that I realised I had some remains of the sausage roll I ate an hour earlier spread all over my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 782

You deserved it 8 404

16/10/2014 16:44 - United States - Clearwater

Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 384

You deserved it 3 056

23/03/2018 01:30

Today, my psycho ex is threatening to take me to court on child abuse allegations. How did I abuse them? I “gendered” our children by buying them certain colored clothing and toys... that they’d asked for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 254

You deserved it 305

03/11/2014 15:54 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I learned that the house I've been living in and paying rent for the past two months was never advertised as vacant. I learned this when the actual homeowners walked in, and called the police for an "intruder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 989

You deserved it 3 619

04/07/2016 17:59 - United States

Today, I had to awkwardly sit next to my ex and her mother on a 2-hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 417

You deserved it 2 273

01/05/2012 23:43 - United States

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 833

You deserved it 3 677

28/08/2016 17:16 - Australia - Hinchinbrook

Today, I discovered that my supervisor, who I thought liked me, actually thinks I am incompetent and lack emotional intelligence. I'm a student nurse and I've just listed her as my reference for our single, statewide job application. There's no way to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 681

You deserved it 1 269

25/11/2015 06:57

Today, I pulled an all-nighter to finish rereading my set work for my English exam. I managed to finish earlier than expected and decided to get some sleep. I then promptly slept through my alarm and missed my exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 411

You deserved it 4 997

25/02/2015 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for 'profiting from someone else's misfortune'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 534

You deserved it 2 843

14/09/2014 12:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend told me that the necklace I gave her wasn't a "unique enough gift." I spent two weeks making that necklace, link by link. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 657

You deserved it 3 333

04/02/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that the rancid stench in my bathroom was a decaying carcass of a mouse in my toilet tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 671

You deserved it 3 329

01/10/2015 12:16 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I saw my ex boyfriend walking down the street in my direction. I've put on a bunch of weight since we broke up, so I turned to look in the nearest shop window, hoping he wouldn't notice. Unfortunately he did see me, looking straight at a KFC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 327

You deserved it 6 663

09/04/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 818

You deserved it 8 492

Wiped out

By STIgary - 17/07/2021 16:01 - United States

Today, while at work, I had to poop. While wiping, I somehow managed to get the back tail of my shirt in between my butthole and the toilet paper, effectively wiping my ass with my white dress shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 246

05/10/2011 20:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a job interview. The only moment I impressed the interviewer was when I talked about drama. He started to talk about a play I hadn't seen, but I decided to agree on everything he was saying. Suddenly he said, "the play doesn't actually exist." I silently left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 216

You deserved it 38 778

21/09/2013 15:09 - United States - Wilson

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my wife, my Candy Crush addiction hit me full force, and all I could do was think about possible moves I could make in the level I'm stuck on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 349

You deserved it 50 905

06/06/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 986

You deserved it 5 413

17/10/2012 05:16 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, it was my 2 year anniversary with my boyfriend. As we were about to exchange gifts, he got a call and said he had to go home immediately. What was the emergency? His guild leader couldn't find another healer to finish a raid and promised my boyfriend gear if he would step up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 071

You deserved it 4 678

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Wednesday 11 November 2020 15:10

you 2 are off to a good start

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Wednesday 11 November 2020 17:03

People can get married in prison so you don't even need to postpone the wedding. However are you sure you both are ready for a life long commitment when you both live a life that lands you in prison?

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Wednesday 11 November 2020 15:10

you 2 are off to a good start

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Wednesday 11 November 2020 17:03

People can get married in prison so you don't even need to postpone the wedding. However are you sure you both are ready for a life long commitment when you both live a life that lands you in prison?

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Thursday 12 November 2020 5:12

op very obviously doesn't want to get married in prison and marriage plans are usually made well in advance. just because she can doesn't mean it's something she wants.

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Wednesday 11 November 2020 17:10

Did you send each other bouquets of Red Flags?

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Wednesday 11 November 2020 17:12

I'm guessing there are drugs involved.

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Wednesday 11 November 2020 18:46

honestly I would postpone the wedding to better your life! and that's not out of a place of judgment, you deserve to live the life you want! maybe if your fiance sees you working so hard to change for the better then he could to! I obviously dont know the full story, but I really do wish the both of you all the best! for now take care of yourself. also, I assume you can go visit your fiance, so I would ask him what he intends to do differently when he gets out!

Taurus_ChicKa 36

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Wednesday 11 November 2020 20:34

Wow, sounds like a match made in heaven.

alex_jaguara 31

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Thursday 12 November 2020 7:33

Stop breaking the law, assholes!

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Thursday 12 November 2020 15:55

So is this an FML because you had to get his car in the middle of the night, or because neither of you can stop yourselves from breaking the law? I wouldn't plan on having kids, or more kids, any time soon. It'll be your turn in a while. Say hello to Joey McFly for me.

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Friday 13 November 2020 3:46

Ok. Ok. Look. I'm just gonna say this and leave it here because I think someone really needs to tell you this. Get. Your shzt. Together. Get your shzt together. Both of you. Get it together.

wysegirl 21

Friday 13 November 2020 4:32

save yourself he doesn't care. don't bring yourself down with him

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Friday 13 November 2020 16:07

without more detail, I would say it sounds like the BF is the primary criminal mind here... since he is breaking the law seemingly continuously. if so, OP needs to Peace the F up outta there. you'd be better off, and have a much easier time getting your life on a better path. I've been arrested with older "family" and walking away from that was a huge life improvement. no peer pressure, or trying to impress with crime. walk away and live a betterlife

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 112

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 134