By Hugh - 3/4/2021 13:00 - United Kingdom

Suspicious minds

Today, I had to explain to a hospital social worker that my young son is not abused, he is just rowdy and that he knocked himself unconscious and shattered 4 teeth in a bizarre stunt involving a tree, my ironing board, a mop bucket and lots of duct tape. I'm not sure the hospital believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

902

You deserved it

101

Tweet

Share

Vulture

Zoomers zooming

Catching up

By the_captain - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55589

You deserved it

3481

Tweet

Share

By ideserveit - Finland

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend after a fight. I told him the reason I was so irritable is because I'm on my period. He yelped in disgust and nearly fell out of bed. Good to know I'm dating a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13925

You deserved it

1802

Tweet

Share

By Tee - France

Today, I got locked inside my office again by my co-workers because they had forgotten I was still around when they left. This happens 1 or 2 times a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31972

You deserved it

4393

Tweet

Share

By cacheson

Today, after being single for a year, I finally have a boyfriend. Today, my chronic nightmares also started up again after being gone for a year. Apparently I'm allowed to have either a love life, or sleep. Not both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3991

You deserved it

319

Tweet

Share

By contracted - United States - Concord

Today, I received a letter telling me I'm not qualified for a job I've been unofficially doing for the last three years. It's the fourth letter I've gotten since applying. I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have to train the new person who got the job instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11940

You deserved it

971

Tweet

Share

By Foodcomesfirst - United Kingdom

Brotherly love

Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34028

You deserved it

3674

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Spain - Santa Cruz De Tenerife

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28921

You deserved it

9644

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14771

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1934

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me that I was the one. Not at this moment though, he wants to see how far he can go with his best female friend. But once he's done with her, we can be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24291

You deserved it

1874

Tweet

Share

By Saucy - United States

Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19543

You deserved it

50473

Tweet

Share

By burnswhenipee - Canada - London

Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36028

You deserved it

5510

Tweet

Share

By whatsername92 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36413

You deserved it

4528

Tweet

Share

By grossedout - United States - Endicott

Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48039

You deserved it

3697

Tweet

Share

By DriveMeNot - United States

Today, I reached into my pocket and found my mom's car keys. I'm a four hour drive away, and she obviously can't come to pick them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23625

You deserved it

7324

Tweet

Share

By iwannagotomiamitoo - United States - Brookline

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53575

You deserved it

3140

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57729

You deserved it

4302

Tweet

Share

By Zuzubat - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a soon-to-be-ex co-worker flew into a rage when she saw she wasn't on the schedule for next week. The boss told her it's because she quit. She reminded the boss she wants to keep working part-time. My new job is inventing tasks for her to do to keep her calm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40109

You deserved it

2555

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40528

You deserved it

3308

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought a brand new huge leather recliner. After laying down and watching football for some time, I sit up and hear a loud shatter. My iPhone was crushed by the mechanics of the chair after it slipped out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28845

You deserved it

8446

Tweet

Share

By leogs23 - 2/3/2021 20:01

Force of habit, or just mean?

Today, my fiancée’s siblings kept calling me by her ex-boyfriend’s name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

824

You deserved it

55

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart and I asked a guy who worked there where the scrapbooking stuff was. He led me to the aisle where it was and then said, "By the way, I don't work here." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10005

You deserved it

31534

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44944

You deserved it

5507

Tweet

Share

By RiceSickle - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I received the $30 parking pass that I ordered over 4 weeks ago. My class is only 4 weeks long, and next week is the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38716

You deserved it

4053

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, in addition to having to deal with chronic pain that keeps me from driving for more than 10 minutes, I now have to deal with my brother who thinks I'm not paying him enough for taking me to school 2 days a week, when he does the journeys for himself anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2433

You deserved it

168

Tweet

Share

By :| - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was assigned to fill in for a French teacher who was out sick. I had asked the class to name some French-speaking countries. I called on one girl and she replied, "Uh, Europe. That's, like, the only other one, right?" Nobody disagreed. I'm filling in for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46072

You deserved it

2995

Tweet

Share

By KatieB - United Kingdom - Newark

Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32442

You deserved it

7277

Tweet

Share

By xxteenhearts - United States

Today, I seemingly misplaced my cell phone but didn't have time to look for it before work. This evening, my cell phone company calls me to tell me I have six hundred dollars worth of calls to El Salvador that I have to pay for. My cell phone was not misplaced, it was stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46020

You deserved it

4150

Tweet

Share

By really? - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52913

You deserved it

4384

Tweet

Share

By theamericandream - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40276

You deserved it

2869

Tweet

Share

By sonofaneuroticwench - United States - Rice Lake

Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44544

You deserved it

3372

Tweet

Share

By thanks..?

Today, my dentist said I have a good tongue. That's the best compliment I've gotten in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2257

You deserved it

211

Tweet

Share

By AOart1st - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36091

You deserved it

17520

Tweet

Share

By PocketTrash

This guy grudges

Today, my dad is still mad because I tossed his empty coffee can over 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1315

You deserved it

209

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39903

You deserved it

3345

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/4/2020 17:00

The View

Today, my boyfriend refuses to do doggy style anymore because I, and I quote, "have a weird looking butthole, it’s not dirty or anything, it’s just the strangest butthole I’ve ever seen, it’s really distracting." So now, I’m not only self conscious about my small boobs, but my ugly asshole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2781

You deserved it

269

Tweet

Share

By notimpressed - United Kingdom

Today, a kid with severe Down's came into my workplace, as he does every day. He's has an obsession with me, sitting at a table, staring and taking photos of me all day. His parents have no problem with this, because they think it's a miracle that he can focus so much attention on me for so long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40160

You deserved it

6504

Tweet

Share

By oww - 14/5/2020 08:02

Trust

Today, I told my boyfriend we should avoid the local walking trail after I got followed by a homeless man. He assured me we’d be fine and the guy wouldn’t approach me as long as I had a man with me. Wrong. We both got beat up and robbed by said homeless man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2042

You deserved it

319

Tweet

Share

By AgentFreshers - United States

Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32333

You deserved it

3272

Tweet

Share

By "crazycrochetlady"

Today, I'm 7 weeks pregnant. For the first time in a week I feel well enough to eat something that isn't cheerios, a bagel, or crackers . I woke up 2 hours after going to bed with the shits. I'm almost convinced this kid hates me already. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2139

You deserved it

232

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, the cashier at the local grocery store in my area said that I don't look a day over 40. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5020

You deserved it

380

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By cuz803 | 39

#7983477 - Saturday 3 April 2021 16:06

Is your son a former cast member from Jackass?

By Ambrily | 27

#7983534 - Saturday 3 April 2021 20:05

He was probably trying some dumb tiktok challenge.

COMMENTS

By mike3775 | 32

#7983468 - Saturday 3 April 2021 15:28

I hope an older sibling was involved

By cuz803 | 39

#7983477 - Saturday 3 April 2021 16:06

Is your son a former cast member from Jackass?

Reply

Ambrily | 27

#7983534 - Saturday 3 April 2021 20:05

He was probably trying some dumb tiktok challenge.

By mccuish | 20

#7983644 - Sunday 4 April 2021 8:13

Get him to stop watch either jackass or tiktok.