Love: Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand...

By Anonymous - 06/02/2015 20:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 166

You deserved it 2 648

Love

The smell detective is on the case

Triage

Drugs are bad, well, some of them

By Samyett - 09/02/2011 19:22 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 166

You deserved it 14 931

No data for you

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 11:01 - Germany

Today, I got my first Android phone. Being aware that they are somewhat inclined to collecting data about you, I was still surprised when I had to tell the eBay app, of all things, that it wasn't allowed to know how much I exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 26/04/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going to propose. Since he was really nervous, he decided to have a couple of drinks to loosen up. He ended up throwing up and passing out before he could get down on one knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 154

You deserved it 4 869

By BadassRumbleroar - 20/01/2012 03:46 - Canada

Today, I found out that when you are sitting on a full bench at a bus stop, some crazy person will come sit on you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 516

You deserved it 3 012

By Jaggu - 29/04/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, I ran into an old friend from college on the bus to work. Having not seen each other in over 10 years, we spent a good 15 minutes talking about our lives after college. At the end, he asked me what my name was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 286

You deserved it 5 088

By MotherofET - 11/07/2011 04:23 - Australia

Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 248

You deserved it 4 484

By TheMommas - 06/11/2013 16:33 - United States - Dallas

Today, my five-year-old stepson announced that he is finally no longer scared of flushing toilets. Immediately after, I discovered that he's now decided that he's scared of the bathroom sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 959

You deserved it 3 338

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 12:00

Today, I learned that the guy I was seeing had a girlfriend that he hid from me. I found this out when she attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 132

Gimme dah maaahney

By Shawn Kotris - 21/05/2021 16:01 - United States - North Olmsted

Today, I've been waiting for over a year now to get my 2019 tax refund. I did mess up and underreported 2 grand initially. I resent everything as soon as I realized what I'd done, and I'm expecting a nice chunk of change and can't file my 2020 taxes until this is sorted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 189

Circular

By Mario Hugo - 05/07/2021 20:00

Today, I was tested positive for Covid-19, after suffering with some of the symptoms of the disease two days ago. Last week, I had to pretend I was infected with it to avoid going to a friend's party, as my ex-girlfriend would be there. Ain't life a bitch? FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 1 287

By Susan - 18/03/2013 08:59 - Ireland

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 514

You deserved it 15 968

By klm878 - 13/11/2010 04:10 - United States

Today, at work, my manager fell in front of an entire lobby full of people on a wet floor. I'm the only one who burst out laughing. Turns out she has a broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 957

You deserved it 37 690

By Anonymous - 10/12/2014 19:58 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, my pet bunny died. My little sister is distraught and practically suicidal, because apparently she playfully pointed a wand at it a few days ago and said "avada kedavra". She's absolutely convinced that she killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 592

You deserved it 3 110

Let's do this again!

By wow - 27/11/2019 05:00 - United States - Portland

Today, for the first time in months, my best friend agreed to hang out with me. After waiting, three hours for him to show up, I called to see what was taking him so long. He told me he couldn't come because he needed to get a haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 895

You deserved it 188

Polly Want a Wax

By Baldy - 07/09/2017 13:00

Today, I was using pre-waxed strips to wax my eyebrows when my parrot investigated by walking through them. He then screamed, flew into my hair, thrashed around, and got stuck. I now have two bald spots and two parrot bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 627

You deserved it 628

By sisterly love - 14/08/2013 21:13 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 122

You deserved it 4 136

By Varnpike - 18/12/2018 03:00

Today, I was messaging memes back and forth with one of my female coworkers and I accidentally sent a junk pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 6 346

By FedExMan - 11/08/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was delivering packages as usual for work. I was dropping off a large letter to a hot girl. Before I turned to leave the girl opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she just vomited all over me. Her letter was my first delivery of the day. I had to finish my job covered in puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 638

You deserved it 2 607

By TVKill3r - 29/03/2013 00:57 - United States

Today, at work while near a cigarette tray outside, a man said, "Thanks for polluting our environment!" All I could say was, "What?" He then said "I'm speaking English you know!" I was cleaning the cigarette tray at the time, don't smoke at all, and was born here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 748

You deserved it 2 746

By replaced - 22/02/2016 03:03 - United States - Marietta

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 102

You deserved it 1 644

By Anonymous - 12/05/2018 20:30

Today, my child told me when she makes enough money to support herself, she's never going to speak to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 790

You deserved it 1 114

By ugly? - 20/09/2011 08:08 - United States

Today, at work, a weird old woman came up to me and told me that it's okay: being ugly isn't a choice, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that it's what inside that counts. She then hugged me and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 240

You deserved it 3 011

By upset - 25/10/2016 00:08

Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 180

You deserved it 892

By naughtytwinsisters - 25/02/2011 08:27 - Philippines

Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 624

You deserved it 33 328

By Nickolas - 31/12/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 994

You deserved it 3 713

By travelsickness - 10/08/2010 13:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to endure a long drive from Poland to England. We weren't allowed to open our windows. My mum threw up. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 425

You deserved it 3 347

By chunkymonkey - 23/11/2011 23:54

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 744

You deserved it 6 257

By "mynameissecretlyjeff" - 11/04/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, my brother put a mac-n-cheese cup in the microwave without any water. My entire house smells like burnt cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 167

You deserved it 355

By conbon123 - 29/04/2013 07:20 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 042

You deserved it 3 436

By NotYourLady - 04/09/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 854

You deserved it 3 657

The ole paper cut excuse

By alliwantisabandaid - 11/02/2011 08:27

Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 168

You deserved it 3 964

By Unlucky - 19/12/2018 02:00 - United Kingdom - Bagworth

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 938

You deserved it 492

By yacoob - 24/01/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I figured out that my baby-powder container can be closed by twisting the cap. I just got back from a long trip. My suitcase used to be black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 606

You deserved it 25 132

By poohead - 09/12/2009 05:07 - Australia

Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 109

You deserved it 30 109

By Nikki - 02/02/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend some nude pics of me. Later I get a text from my dad asking me when I had gotten a tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 391

You deserved it 53 474

Alarmed

By Anonymous - 08/09/2019 20:01

Today, after 5 hours of attempting to sleep, I began to finally drift off. Then, some fuckwit who'd parked his car right outside my door took 20 minutes to switch his alarm off. I have to be up in about 4 hours, after a 12-hour night shift, heading into another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 97

By Leota - 15/08/2011 16:20 - United States

Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 126

You deserved it 13 006

By peteto818 - 18/12/2014 17:59 - Bulgaria - Pernik

Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 896

You deserved it 5 384

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 688

You deserved it 3 576

RIP Beard

By captain patch beard - 03/10/2019 18:01

Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 385

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Top comments

PANDORUM89 21

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Saturday 7 February 2015 8:24

as a girl I don't even understand this. I've been on my period for awhile now and not once has it caused me to have a one night stand

travellingfun 18

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Saturday 7 February 2015 8:24

Just leave, she clearly doesn't care, and has the dumbest excuses.

PANDORUM89 21

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Saturday 7 February 2015 8:24

as a girl I don't even understand this. I've been on my period for awhile now and not once has it caused me to have a one night stand

ChoolyBooly 32

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Saturday 7 February 2015 8:28

Cramps maybe but a one night stand is on her. yes shit happens but you can still choose whether or not to cheat or beat someone up or steal etc...

doctorhook86 24

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Saturday 7 February 2015 16:46

Side note for #1: How long is "a while" for you? If you've been on your period for more than a couple weeks, maybe consider seeing a doctor...

phoneaddict13 29

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Saturday 7 February 2015 17:12

maybe she means she got it more than a few years ago sk she has experience with the ''side effects''

hugozac88 22

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Saturday 7 February 2015 21:10

Man this is bloody crazy!! :D high five!!!.....anyone?!......no?.......I'll be in my room *walks away in shame while dragging feet

HeWillBeLoved105 22

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Saturday 7 February 2015 23:59

Number #49, there are some birth controls that will make the female body either have no periods at all, spot just a little, or have very long, unnecessary periods. I know because I am one of the very unlucky ones. That may be her case.

SarcasticShade 16

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Sunday 8 February 2015 0:37

(Not saying you think it is #78) That's no excuse though. My sister blames anything she does wrong on her having her period.

mandamermaid19 14

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 21:50

Me to I've been on mine for a month and a half straight now.

travellingfun 18

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Saturday 7 February 2015 8:24

Just leave, she clearly doesn't care, and has the dumbest excuses.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Saturday 7 February 2015 19:48

Agreed. Leave before it turns into anything worse, especially if it gets to Gone Girl worse...

Mira Lux 26

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Saturday 7 February 2015 8:24

I suggest you find another gf. This is probably not the first time she cheated on you if she saying that.

IAmzephyr 22

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Saturday 7 February 2015 8:24

she cheated. there's no excuses for that, and if she's trying to push the blame off of her and making you look crazy, it's time to move on

brendejafulable 41

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Saturday 7 February 2015 8:25

Well when I am on my period I am 20x hornier than any other time. Maybe that is what she was intending. But the cheating part. I can't come up with anything. Sorry man

ChoolyBooly 32

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Saturday 7 February 2015 8:31

I get horny too. Doesn't give a girl free reign to fuck the first guy who asks or an guy for that matter. No excuse unless she was possessed.

ToxicTyrael 26

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Saturday 7 February 2015 8:46

Ok but why don't take the boyfriend? There is no reason to cheat on someone.

Drarry_fml 10

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Saturday 7 February 2015 15:53

Don't know why she's being thumbed down, she wasn't defending the girl, she just explained why a period was at all relevant.

doctorhook86 24

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Saturday 7 February 2015 16:47

#10: I don't think being possessed is a good enough excuse either.

0neiros 14

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Saturday 7 February 2015 8:26

Go screw another woman, and when your GF Complains tell her "She was on her period".

tykatdesigns 13

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Saturday 7 February 2015 8:26

Bloody hell, what's wrong with her

HeyImAmy 20

Saturday 7 February 2015 8:29

As a member of the female sex, I have had, and continue to have, many periods but I'm still a virgin because, some girls (me included) get PMS but, not once, did I have a one night stand. I've never heard of that happening to anyone. You aren't supposed to have sex during your period anyways. This girl is crazy for trying to trick you. You deserve better.

superspooky 13

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Saturday 7 February 2015 9:09

Who says you're not supposed to have sex during your period? Also what does you being a virgin have to do with anything?

countryb_cth 38

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Saturday 7 February 2015 9:17

You can have sex on your period. Most people just choose not to because of the blood but you can. Also why did you feel the need to say your a virgin?

brewmasterg 34

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Saturday 7 February 2015 9:45

It is completely fine to have sex on your period. In fact orgasms release endorphins which can ease menstrual cramps and headaches associated with PMT. You do however have to ensure that you are having SAFE sex as women are more susceptible to get STDs while the cervix is open to allow blood to pass through.

bobslawnservice 16

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Saturday 7 February 2015 10:23

Nothing wrong with period sex.

badluckalex 23

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Saturday 7 February 2015 10:37

except the fact that it's gross?

Barthanax 9

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Saturday 7 February 2015 18:24

Well they're not asking you to eat them out.

badgercheese94 16

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Saturday 7 February 2015 19:35

Why do people get so offended by the fact some people find period sex gross? I find blood gross in general and if I was straight I wouldnt want sex with someone on her period, at least not vaginally. Hell only time I will touch blood is if someones bleeding and they need urgent care