Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when my boyfriend came over he was on his phone. We spent about 15 minutes together before having sex, then he made a phone call and said he had to leave. I could hear him from my window apologising to his coworker because he “just had to do something real quick but was now free to talk again.” FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML
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Top comments
Jimboom 12
Dumbass. Should have had a wank beforehand. Or learn to slow down when you think your about to pop. Pull out, kiss her a little, maybe try some different positions. But if this performance is anything to go by then it's not your work that your girl is annoyed with. It's the lack of ******'s she is having from you.
mich23 10
it might have been smarter to just be like, im going to turn my phone off so that i wont get any business calls, plus you plan could have backfired so much b/c she could have been like "go into work, i was just being selfish" and then you would have to leave
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Comments (103)
nodbor 11
no foreplay, just the old in & out, what's wrong with these people!!!!!!
genki008 0
this whole thing is wierd
were_giraffe 2
playing games to keep a relationship going? yeah that'll work. and ouch... haha
angelslayer 0
5 minutes..... thats sad.....
emptyego 0
lmao @ 45. XDDDD; That sucks, man. I'm sorry. It's nice to see you care enough for her to try something like that, though!
AkihiroHattori5 0
ooh that sucks, I feel bad for the poor guy.
izbity 0
i dont get it
Kiairra 0
Haha, sucks for you dude.
SallyRagDoll 0
Sucks you last that long, what's even worse, there's sex toys that can outlast you.
zaadam2 5
In general, if you are inexperienced at sex or are just starting to have it, you won't last that long to begin with because your shaft and krap isn't used it. The more you do it, the longer you will be able to last. Plus, the more you have sex, the more tricks you pick up that will help you last longer and give her more pleasure. I've figured out alot of things. I know what spot on myself that will make me cum quicker and I know what to do to make sure to last long. My first experience I had sex for 5 or 6 hours with out finally finishing up. It sounds like you aren't like me at all, most aren't. I'm just in the small minority. Just keep working at it dude, you'll be fine.