By Anonymous - 21/02/2012 19:17 - Canada

Spicy
Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks 44 718
You deserved it 6 366

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... -face palm-

flaccid sex? the fuck?

Comments

... -face palm-

I hope you weren't planning on trying to enter her soft, OP..

facepalm concussion

If she is wet enough, it won't hurt.

Good luck w that

Yeah, keep thinking that, 28. Flaccid sex... sounds like the ultimate challenge, and challenge accepted!

sounds like Wainy Days episode 27 (youtube)

this guy probably shouldn't reproduce...at least not until he knows how to have sex...

And on what grounds are you assuming that he doesn't know how to have sex, 58?

that he thinks that his only problem is hurting her with a hard dick & the fact he can have sex with a flaccid penis?

Tell her it doesn't work like that

65 you are aware his gf thinks that not him? Or do you just pick and choose words that are short enough for you to read

From what I can see, no one has asked how old OP and his GF are. Sigh.

#65 he can't have sex with a flaccid penis. you missed the whole point of this post, dumbass.

the perfect analogy

Just tell her okay, and when you get into it, tell her you will be gentle . Make sure she knows that you won't her hurt etc etc.

If she's that dumb, she's not ready to have sex.

131-No, I understood. As seen in his final sentence, however, he thinks his biggest problem will be staying soft. What I THOUGHT I read (though I could be wrong) is that he assumes that the sex would go smoothly until he got hard, which would hurt. You clearly can't have sex with a flaccid penis...it wouldn't go in.

Not to mention, if she's that scared, she's probably not ready.

222 - Fuck you, I accidentally clicked your photo. I was about to eat asshole

Hey why don't you shut the fuck up.

Jersey shore does it all the time?

Who cares if he's a virgin or not? His girlfriend is WAY too young and/or naive to be having sex. Flacid penis is useless.

251, my boyfriend looks at my bum in clothes and he instantly gets hard, it's what turns him on. Why can't you just accept that people have different tastes and that some men don't have to have it touched or sucked to get it going, some like visuals!

Yea.. Reminds me of an expression - you can't push a rope : /

For the record up there, you don't point your thumb at someone unless you plan to stick it in their ass. It's your FINGER that you point at someone.

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She's a dumbass

Was well deserved

I agree with 131. Why did that get so many thumb downs? That's what I thought when I read the last sentence of the original post too. The fact that he tells us he can't stay soft definitely implies that he actually considered trying to have sex while flaccid. The post clearly seems like the OP and his girlfriend are both very young and don't know much about sex.

I mean I agree with 218's reply to 131.

Ok tape a stick to your schlong while flaccid... Slowly enter... And there you go works every time.

You can't shoot a pool ball with a rope

If he doesn't know how to have sex, how the hell is he going to reproduce?

she's a keeper......

Wack it twice or purposefully get whiskey dick, or do lots of foreplay, or buy some practice toys, maybe a progressive set of dildos so she can take steps at her own pace..lots of options here

i hope they dont reproduce

First Hey everyone text bomb this number for me! 507-381-5100. It's my girlfriend and she cheated on me. Thank you

You were actually second. Also, I don't really know how that's going to fix the fact that she cheated on you.

Inb4moderated

it won't help he's just an asshat shitehawk

Yeah but it would be funny because I have classes with her and just say from Jon on them! haha please do it!

No wonder she cheated, you're clearly a jackass for posting her number.

No. That's ridiculously stupid and childish.

Don't worry we are friends. It wasn't me it was her...

I'm suprised you even had a girlfriend with that mature attitude.

That definitely went on the wrong post. "/

Damn that's one picky girlfriend. How does she expect anything to happen if it ain't hard? GD Canadians.

On the bright side, she seems pretty sexy. And sexy virgins are a rare specie these days.

She should be happy she turns you on so much. I guess if you can't convince her to let you do it while hard, drink a lot of booze and give it a go half mast so it's not a complete failure. There's so way in hell you can have sex with a completely soft dick.

61. On the grounds he is a virgin. And OP is a virgin.

65 Did reading comprehension just fly right over your head? You completely misread the post.

How does she seem "sexy"?? Solely because she's a virgin?? Yeaa she must be really great in bed... :/

152- where does it say that OP is a virgin? Can you magically see words the rest of us can't?

169, the fact that she's a virgin makes her sexy.

There's always a catch!

#169, because he gets a raging boner just from looking at her ass fully clothed...

183. Use your imagination! It's basically magic!!! Let's do some basic investigating. He gets hard to a girls ass while she is clothed. I used to do the same thing when I was a pervy virgin! Hmm. He can't convince his girlfriend it wont hurt! Why's this you ask?? Because he honestly probably doesn't know if he will hurt her or not. Maybe cause he's never boned. Or he's 10" long and strikes the fear of god in her at sight. Id probably go with my first hunch though. Just try thinking outside the box. Id bet you I'm pretty accurate.

212- now let me "magically" rip your argument to shreds. Number one: he gets hard looking at a girl's ass while she's clothed. Like MANY OTHER GUYS, virgins or not. The only thing that proves is that his girlfriend has one hell of an ass. Number two: He can't convince his girlfriend it won't hurt. Gee maybe because society has always taught us that a girl's first time is supposed to be painful? And maybe she has a low tolerance for pain and is afraid? And maybe SHE'S NOT READY? Maybe he's never had sex with a virgin? Maybe he had sex with a virgin whose hymen was already broken. Don't try to act like a smart ass, it really doesn't work out to your advantage.

218 - wow, someone's a ragging bitch. Come back in a week when you're done pmsing.

220. I stopped reading it when she pretended to know what she was talking about. About guys getting boners when they look at butts. If guys got boner when they looked at butts, EVERY highschool/college/business would be full of men with ragging boners ALL the time. You're not a man. Stop vouching for us! That's crazy! You're crazy! Ahhhhh

Yes 222, because you, as a man, know exactly the amount of pain when losing virginity. Unless you lost one yourself, I highly doubt you could tell a girl, virgin or not, how much it's going to hurt. Wether you 'boned' before, or not. That being said, I am a 30 years old man and I have had more than my fair share of "boning" time I can assure you. Yet I still can get a boner looking at a decent body covered or not. They usually call that a matter of taste, and/or sex drive. Hope your thumb gets better soon bro.

I'm 24, and have gotten enough ass to keep me satisfied thus far, and I don't get chubby looking at butts, not even when I stare...next time hold your breath buddy

And I don't use FML as a popularity contest. I have real friends of my very own believe it or not. You need people like me though. To point your thumb at, and say there's the bad guy. Well say goodnight to the bad guy

Even If he is a virgin (which it doesn't say whether he is or isn't), that in no way says that he doesn't know how to have sex. I think basically everybody knew how to have sex before they actually had it.

Dude if you can't get a hard on looking at hot woman there's something wrong with you

I was about to get hard to a covered buttox but then I took an arrow to the knee :/

Lol? Why is that still funny... Fml

What did you do to your thumb? O.o

322- He obviously cut himself on a piece of chocolate.

278. No, I honestly don't get hard looking at an attractive women. I get hard when I'm about to be inside a women..attractive or not. if I got hard looking at attractive women, i would literally be hard 16 hours every day.

... -facepalm-

At least you find her hot. She should feel lucky lol

I usually found it hard to stick it in a girl, who is a virgin no less, with a flacid penis, its next to impossible, am i right? And yes hopefully ahe takes it as a compliment

This is gonna be hard.

Actually it's not going to be very hard at all.

Ya totally... FYL for having a hot girlfriend :P

Just convince her that any perceived pain she may think she is feeling is in reality pleasure.

^potential sex offender right here, folks.

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It's gonna be like shooting pool with a string of spaghetti...

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Go to your local pharmacy, OP, and ask for some Salt Peter. Although its a component of explosives, if consumed in moderation, it works like anti-Viagra. Moderately harmless, price efficient, and research backed by the military. Strangely enough, it was used as anti-Viagra in the military, to discourage gay sex. Not as explosives…

If it works I imagine it will result in an awkward situation and if it doesn't then it will still be an awkward situation. It's like pushing an uncoiled hose into a bag.

Yeah...good luck with that!

Tell her to take some ibuprofen 30 minutes to an hour before you plan on doing the deed (if she's not allergic)

flaccid sex? the fuck?

this sounds like "the hardest challenge ever" i don't think it's possible

26, I call bullshit.

Flaccid sex Is like washing your hands with shit. It's impossible.

Or plunging the toilet with your mouth. Yeah she's going to stay a virgin unless you rape her.

On the contrary 26, this will be the softest challenge ever.

... IMPOSSIBRU!

Dude that's like trying to plunge a clogged toilet full of shit with your mouth. Shes going to be a 40 year old virgin unless you rape her.

On the contrary 26, this will be the softest challenge ever.

On the contrary 26, this will be the softest challenge ever.

In the words of the wise man Charlie Harper "Teach me how to shoot pool with a rope"

flaccid was one of my vocab words this week-_-

That's not bad, I had bestiality. Best teacher , lol.

its like putting cooked macaroni through a cheerio

140 if you were in my English class and you showed this to my teacher you would get 5 points extra credit for the vocab word. Hah

I've had my dick go flaccid while inside already, but it never started out that way. I don't think your gonna be taking her virginity!

Lol that's great

Good analogy, #166 lol

Erect was one of mine.

Aint that a bitch......

No pain no gain

You need to sit down and have a serious talk with her about this. She obviously isn't ready to have sex and you shouldn't have sex, just to have it.

I agree with #9 she isn't ready and YOU shouldn't have sex with her until she is

Fuck that, sex is bomb.

I wish all the other comments (especially that nonsense at #32) could be removed and this comment could be highlighted. She's not ready. If you care about her, OP, wait. While you're waiting, talk to her honestly about the process.

I was just stating my opinion btw, I didn't mean or imply force her into sex. Not one bit.

^ I don't think that's why you're getting thumbed down.

Could you explain to me why then?

also probably not old enough

How is that supposed to work? I have no doubt that she is a virgin after hearing her suggestion.

With the op's first concern being his lack of penile control, I sense that they might both be virgins.

or she is smoking hot

stevenJB 25

It's hard for even male non virgins to have great penile control. It's biologically programmed for us to get erections easily

No, they mean he must not know flaccid penises can't do the sex

do you know how sex works? she's trolling you

Either she has no idea how sex works, or (more likely) yes, this is her passive-aggressive way of saying "No".

or he could just masturbate a ton beforehand.. leaves it a good size, improves performance and stamina and he won't be as hard as a rock either