Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not...

By Keith walk - 12/02/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 186

You deserved it 22 834

Intimacy

Own it

Panic

The Phoebe Technique

Graded

By df22 - 03/07/2020 20:08

Today, I got my language final exam back. It was a 10-page essay front and back, and I saw that I received a D. The teacher told me the plot was too hard to follow and it jumped all over the place. It turns out he forgot to read the back of every page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860

You deserved it 133

By gb - 18/08/2011 05:18 - Australia

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 501

You deserved it 8 834

By unemployed - 10/03/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 589

You deserved it 7 439

By Elle(; - 11/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I felt something tickling my neck. Thinking it was him, I ignored it. Just when I was about to climax, I looked down to see a lizard on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 886

You deserved it 219

By DisgustingCreatures - 04/08/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 521

You deserved it 1 141

By Leigha - 02/01/2012 02:14 - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, I found out that if you see a tray with some black stuff in it and you can't decide whether it's powdered black pepper or cigarette ashes, it's not a good idea to taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 189

You deserved it 50 057

By ellen77 - 13/09/2013 05:55 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 938

You deserved it 5 415

By Unloving - 31/12/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, a man proposed to me in classic style on one knee. Unfortunately, I have been telling this man for the last two months that I don't even want to date him. He thinks I'm playing hard to get and is not giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 948

You deserved it 5 002

By Anonymous - 04/10/2014 14:58 - United States - Chicopee

Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 885

You deserved it 3 190

By young and dumb - 27/08/2016 06:27 - United States - Trenton

Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 646

You deserved it 3 210

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 756

You deserved it 5 566

Getting on a bit

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 05:01

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 193

By Anonymous - 29/07/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 395

You deserved it 438

By Revalation - 27/08/2011 23:06 - United States

Today, while riding the bus, a creepy guy gave me the "rape glare" and another guy repeated every word to the conversation I was having with my friend under his breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 485

You deserved it 3 055

By Embarrassed - 04/02/2011 00:28

Today, my boyfriend finally got me to orgasm, for the first time in my life, after trying for months. He started laughing when I climaxed. I asked why. Apparently I look like an Down's Syndrome child when I climax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 265

You deserved it 6 689

By hcditfi5foygy - 23/09/2018 13:30

Today, I learned that my new neighbour's car alarm goes off every time a car drives by blasting loud bass. So far, it's gone off 6 times in the last hour. I can't wait until he's done moving in here, where he and his car will stay for the next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 371

You deserved it 130

By Anonymous - 16/07/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, while talking on the phone with my long distance boyfriend, he let me know that he was getting married in August to "some girl" for his papers. After I objected he told me, "well you can marry me if you want." I'm not sure if I just got dumped or proposed to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 273

You deserved it 5 864

By kennarama - 16/02/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I sat a client down for his haircut. He pulled off his hat and his hair was dripping wet. I asked him if he had just washed it. He responded, "No, but isn't it a hot day out?" No, it's twenty degrees and overcast today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 525

You deserved it 2 530

Suffer little chives

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 23:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I found out where the puddle in the basement came from. I thought the freezer was broken, but no. My mom is running what can only be called a death camp for vegetables in there. She buys them, then forgets about them until they turn liquid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 57

Sharing is caring

By blackrose - 08/08/2021 02:01

Today, I ran into an old friend of mine at the store. All was going fine, until she showed me her new fiancé. My now ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 73

By ThanksMom - 08/07/2016 07:54 - United States - State College

Today, while taking out the trash late at night with my mom, a group of people drove by and decided it would be funny to turn around and chase us up the driveway in their car. Before I even realized what was happening, my mom was already halfway to the house yelling back, "You're on your own!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 485

You deserved it 1 298

Cognitive dissonance

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 11:01

Today, in the same conversation with the same person, I got chewed out because our kids want to spend more time with me than her, and also because the kids spend too much time with her and she can’t work from home effectively. Can anyone explain how that works? FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 74

By Missy - 02/02/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 081

You deserved it 17 202

By love4cheese1197 - 02/08/2019 20:00

Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 230

By dead man walking? - 04/10/2015 13:21 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her dad showed me his gun collection, and said the first rule of gun safety is never to point a gun at something you don't intend to kill. All while waving a handgun in my direction and glaring at me with barely suppressed rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 653

You deserved it 2 195

By crimsoncon - 25/11/2011 10:24

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 434

You deserved it 2 794

Control freak

By Anonymous - 09/10/2019 13:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, after over a month of planning, my friend had to cancel her first night out in over a year. Why? Because her "perfect" fiancé didn't want to, and started sulking when she tried to, so decided to put off letting her go out for a few more months. Apparently, it's my fault this happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 133

By Bathroom Problems - 02/01/2010 19:24 - France

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 668

You deserved it 3 920

By bananamuffin - 30/03/2012 19:13 - United States

Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 994

You deserved it 73 870

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 22:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 891

You deserved it 7 218

One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall!

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 05:59

Today, my husband pre-ordered $500 worth of Transformers figures. We're supposed to be trying to save up for a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 21/02/2013 13:43 - United States - Boise

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 893

You deserved it 11 949

By Anonymous - 28/01/2011 11:44 - United States

Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 397

You deserved it 3 305

Mansplaining 101

By m?? - 10/10/2019 04:00

Today, as always, my boyfriend is better than me at everything, including skills that I have years of experience with, while he has none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 420

By awkwardturtle - 25/01/2013 05:31 - Canada - London

Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 616

You deserved it 13 806

By sexxibxmami - 19/02/2010 18:24 - United States

Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes after she started, I told her it was burning. She told me to suck it up because it doesn't hurt that badly. I now have scabs all over my scalp, hairline, and nape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 005

You deserved it 3 702

By Birthday blues - 13/12/2018 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 952

You deserved it 573

By boo8713 - 28/11/2012 06:06 - United States - Bell

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 397

You deserved it 2 851

By Allie - 03/06/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 952

You deserved it 26 433

By wtf - 10/01/2014 16:47 - United States - Delmar

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 931

You deserved it 4 961

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

killerpenguin4 9

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:00

just tell him it was pitching practice

Caz_the_Spaz 6

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:17

Well, having sex with your coach's daughter wasn't a good idea in the first place.

CutiePie_101 7

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 15:58

Well, that's awkward. FYL :/

Jizwold 0

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:33

I just wana knock all ur teeth out and fuck the bloody mess that would be ur mouth

Ramses3 6

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:35

0.O. creepy..

flippinsweet17 0

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:35

Wow 14, you have some serious issues. Don't reproduce, for the sake of the rest of the world. Please and thank you.

LifeSucksbtw 0

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 18:43

jizwold fuckers as ur self need to go to a mental hospital even saying that over the Internet probably means u are just really screwed up and need help good luck mofo

Schweez4 0

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 18:56

book yah

derpherp 0

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 20:03

What did he say?

sopranoforever 0

Send a private message

Sunday 27 February 2011 7:00

dude seriously shut up! back in the roman era living to be 30 was a miracle so obviously they are going to be having sex a lot sooner but they were MARRIED, true be it forced, still nonetheless they were married, I am 17, the average age of those having sex, and I'm still a virgin due to the fact kids my age and younger don't need to be having sex they are to young, 20 needs to be the average age of those who have sex, well loose their virginity.

doctor_awesome 8

Send a private message

Friday 12 August 2011 23:40

^*lose. "loose" is what your vagina is after having sex at 17.

reneetlovesyou 30

Send a private message

Thursday 17 July 2014 20:18

Honestly, OP, YDI. If you guys don't have your own place to have sex, you probably shouldn't be doing it. And before I get jumped on for being called a downer, if they can't afford their own place (or are too young to have one), they definitely can't care for a child were something to happen.

killerpenguin4 9

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:00

just tell him it was pitching practice

Jizwold 0

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:28

nice

tktom7 6

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 17:07

win

ilovemyboy1219 0

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 17:40

More like batting practice. Lol

XOHYEAHHHHHHH 0

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 18:59

haha nice

TheDrop 0

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 19:16

you know what they say about baseball coaches' daughter... they're ugly

Sports_guy3 28

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 January 2014 3:40

#26 and he hit a home run.

Kitten16 0

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:05

Serves u right,next time get a room duh!

insanesna1l 0

Send a private message

Sunday 13 February 2011 12:34

depends how old they are and which room they were in

ClaudiaTextsAlot 0

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:06

YDI for having sex with her

DjeePee 24

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 17:14

Why? People have sex, get over it.

shannonreneee 11

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 18:15

Sex is awesome.

kaoss54 3

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 21:23

that's true sex is awesome!!!

jpest17 5

Send a private message

Sunday 13 February 2011 6:13

sex is best saved for marriage, so at least respect the house rules. I can't believe that girls at my school are surprised I'm a virgin, what has the world come to?

R2KT 0

Send a private message

Sunday 13 February 2011 7:12

I agree with 66. you won't have that problem if you wait till you're with "the one". omg! I totally know what you mean! most of the people at my school are shocked when I tell them I'm still a virgin just cuz I've been with my bf for almost two years. it's insane

skiier4life 1

Send a private message

Sunday 13 February 2011 10:50

Ironic that you save it for marriage but you number is 69 lol

MzKylz 0

Send a private message

Sunday 13 February 2011 12:05

lol #76 exactly haha

DjeePee 24

Send a private message

Sunday 13 February 2011 12:26

'sex is best saved for marriage' No. It's a personal choice, and 'the best personal choice' does not exist. It's different for everyone. Oh, and about that 'what has the world become' shit, just read a history book. Or my comments.

KyRidHEART 0

Send a private message

Sunday 13 February 2011 14:32

Thank you, 69. I mean sex isn't for just anyone, you should have it with your spouse. It may just be my believe on this matter but still.

ClaudiaTextsAlot 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 February 2011 22:47

People, it's a comment. Get over it.

twilightluvr101 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 March 2012 4:21

Ok so this is probably just me being a perverted teenager but isn't it kinda funny how 69s comment was all about sex after marriage and her comment was #69, lol I love irony!

KrazieKleo 13

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:07

Let's hope you hit a homerun or else all you'll be hitting is balls, haha.

The_Moustache 6

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 18:40

I see what you did there.

muchagente 5

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:13

how old are you and how old is your girlfriend?

some_shit 0

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:40

who cares?

hihi1212 1

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 19:47

obviously he is atleast 16 he can drive...

OliSykesFan101 0

Send a private message

Saturday 18 June 2011 15:46

well it does matter because if they are like 20, then its legal and the dad is beinf unreasonable

CallMeHush 0

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:16

After he saw your bat handling skills do you think you will be riding pine?

Caz_the_Spaz 6

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 16:17

Well, having sex with your coach's daughter wasn't a good idea in the first place.

DjeePee 24

Send a private message

Saturday 12 February 2011 17:12

If you're in love with someone, is it really important who the parents are? It may be awkward to fall in love with the daughter of your coach, your teacher, your principal...but that's not a major issue. And if they want to have sex with each other, let them, it's their choice. The dad probably can't deal with his little princess growing up.