Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I almost suffocated. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML
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Top comments
grapisy 8
Still counts.
FUUUandyourmom 16
What a wonderful girlfriend you've got there!
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Comments (400)
sakforduc 0
reason is simple. you got a nice boy but an ugly face. your her paper bag prince!
sakforduc 0
body*** not boy lol
ihavetopoopnow 2
maybe its cause your ugly
grapisy 8
43-Plastic is the new paper?
Its_A_Trap 0
of course that's what she said.
ismellrealbad 0
bird is the word
davek 36
And you believed that load of bullsh*t?
WoshJinchell93 11
some girlfriend. she must have been hiding something she didnt want you to see :o
lmaoatall 6
she just has a thing for the unknown comic. should have told her a few jokes to make her laugh. the motion of a person laughing can dramaticly increase pleasure.
rattusrattus 19
There are more holes in this story than there were in the paper bag, at any rate. Although I have now used my superpower to visualise paper bag ****. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
ismellrealbad 0
bird is the word