Love: Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said,...

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 01:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 656

You deserved it 2 334

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

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Same thing different taste

Shark Week

By sharkboy - 11/06/2012 02:33 - United States - Honolulu

Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 906

You deserved it 31 269

By music man - 25/02/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of two years that I love her. She replied, "Um, I don't mean to be rude, but can you just shut up?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 116

You deserved it 3 843

Strange flex, but OK

By Jpah - 24/06/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 897

You deserved it 3 910

By fartz - 31/08/2013 06:04 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 517

You deserved it 8 099

By not even getting any of her shrimp - 11/02/2014 21:50 - United States - Draper

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 658

You deserved it 6 517

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 18:09 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 142

You deserved it 44 613

Healthy relationship

By scared - 24/06/2020 23:02

Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 2 556

By noweddingforyou - 29/09/2013 19:21 - Canada - Guelph

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 411

You deserved it 7 647

Truthbomb

By DuckMan - 07/10/2017 13:00

Today, I made my niece cry when I told her that snakes are just tails with faces. She won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 698

You deserved it 949

Jonah begs to differ

By JOTA - 07/10/2020 04:02 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 360

Cavebone 5

Tuesday 20 November 2012 8:08

I'd shut up next time.

MR_RODSQUAD 11

Tuesday 20 November 2012 8:15

Tell her that you know about the crabs.

Comments

ocramavaf 15

Tuesday 20 November 2012 11:47

sea turtles allegedly saved jack sparrow from a god forsaken island in the middle of the sea so if op wanted to cheat sea turtles seem like a surefire way to do it, and op's girlfriend is even smarter to figure it out!

charvisioku 22

Tuesday 20 November 2012 12:13

She sounds like one of those annoying "OMG GUYZ I IZ RANDOM!!!?!?!?!? LULZ :D" people. Buy some ear plugs or a gag.

JJJJJakkkkeee 6

Tuesday 20 November 2012 12:32

Did anyone else notice he said "My girlfriend looked me straight in the eye" , I think we have a cyclops on our hands. Or Plankton.

djgoreo 12

Tuesday 20 November 2012 13:06

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

annihil8or 15

Tuesday 20 November 2012 13:46

Stop trying to drown sea turtles!

Leftoverjello 6

Tuesday 20 November 2012 14:17

Sounds hot. Stick with her.

DrebinO1 3

Tuesday 20 November 2012 14:59

Bro i think shes on crack

BobbieH 19

Tuesday 20 November 2012 17:23

Smile, nod in agreement, tell her "OK honey I understand. I will shut up next time" as you slowly back away and out the door. Sudden movements can be seen as a sign of aggression and might bring about an attack.

ElleYW 10

Tuesday 20 November 2012 17:42

And you're dating this psycho....

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 20 November 2012 18:03

I'm surprised no one has posted the urban dictionary reference.

ellytoad 13

Tuesday 20 November 2012 21:43

I went and read the definition, and it makes no sense in the girlfriend's context. I say she spouted a nonsensical statement out of nowhere, and is so embarrassed at the thought of admitting it that she threatened to harm him if he asks her for an explanation.