By Anonymous - 12/01/2016 18:04 - United States - Newtown Square

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML
I agree, your life sucks 21 872
You deserved it 6 922

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Didnt you get a job description first?

Well look at the bright side! You're making some money!

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Well look at the bright side! You're making some money!

Problem is he gets to see the dark side of people... The Anus of Humanity!

I think the problem is that OP sees a little too many bright sides these days...

Brightening their vertical smile.

#80, as my last three whores said to me, wrong hole.

The cat's stewing me, the oyster's shucking me I told him, you got the right at-at but the wrong oh-oh... [John Candy, JFK]

Didnt you get a job description first?

And how did OP not know what the business was? You don't just launch a business after thinking about it a couple hours. It's a long process, and it's just strange OP didn't know. At least he doesn't seem to.

Particularly since it's his girlfriend. I presume she has talked to him about it. So either he was a bit of an ass and never listened, or was a bit of an ass and expected her to create a cushier position just for him.

Butts are cushy!

Who says he didn't know? Nothing in the FML implies that he didn't know what he was getting into--only frustration that he's had to resort to it due to his layoff.

Yea I was thinking the same as you #31. I'm sure he knew but just dislikes the fact he's doing it.

Yes but the way its worded sounds like he wanted something not the glory of bleaching peoples assholes

Tbh I doubt anyone would want it

Right, but the real question is why are people getting their butt hair bleached?!? I mean if you were doing something down there for aesthetic reasons you'd think they'd just wax it, or trim i even, but bleach? Are they hoping people will be like "oh look, that hair is so light I can barely even see it."

I never looked into it so I don't know, is bleaching the asshole the actual asshole or the hair...?

It's lightening the anus' skin.

Porn stars get their ass hairs/vagina hairs (that are in too hard places to get waxed)/gooch hairs bleached...Although, I reckon the OP's girlfriend opened a beauticians and obviously the OP isn't qualified to wax/tweeze eyebrows, give facials, do makeup, etc., so all they can do is bleach buttholes, unless they decide to do a beauty therapy course...

Yes #8... he was a bit of an ASS to expect a TUSHIER position.

Good luck OP, you'll need it

Whatever puts food on the table, right?

Pecunia non olet. Even the old Romans knew that.

Sucks but it could be worse.

The person who says that usually gets down voted. I should've sent something else

Yeah it sucks, but it could more blow if they have Taco Bell the day before!

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

*applauds*

There's literally nothing to imply anything you just said. If I had to bleach assholes even knowing ahead of time I would still complain. It's human nature.

Sorry that I accidentally disliked your post, but I agree.

I find it hard to believe that OP's current wage is at least twice minimum wage, so if his girlfriend paid a Korean woman half his current wage it would be illegal.

Did you consider that he might of been asking for a job as a receptionist but instead has to bleach assholes??

I'll always remember when I was a kid, I dreamed of being an asshole bleacher XD

You had very perculiar dreams.

I hate to be that guy, but...peculiar*

#45 I could tell just by your face that you love to be that guy.

I don't even (know how to complete a damn sentence)

really don't know why this got down voted

Because it's completely irrelevant to the post.

#47 it contributed nothing to the post it would've been better if she didn't say anything at all

You can always just tell everyone that your job is changing people's ringtones.

I'm imagining that the OP applied for a sort of mundane assistant job and got more than they bargained for. "Alright, newbie, I take my coffee with two sugars, like my reports fresh off the printer so they're still warm, and will be needing my asshole bleached every Tuesday." "Oh, uh, if you're bleaching his asshole, could you do mine too?" "I'd also like to get in on this." "I'm requesting a Friday bleaching. You know, fresh for the weekend."

All your comments are hilarious

Great comment, dude. Made me laugh for the first time today and it WAS such a shitty day. thanks man.

Can you squeeze me in on Thursday?