Miscellaneous: Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently...

By Anonymous - 12/01/2016 18:04 - United States - Newtown Square

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 923

You deserved it 6 960

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Same thing different taste

Trading places

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 10:00

Today, my girlfriend who trained me at the job we both work at received a promotion, which left a spot for advancement. I was chosen for the position, and now the guy she's been cheating on me with is training me. Congrats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 118

By LesToiliettes - 25/03/2012 07:12 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 909

You deserved it 2 155

By Username - 19/05/2011 15:13

Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 80 615

By kdeeeceee - 09/11/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 515

You deserved it 4 571

Deadly cocktail

By blame the maid - 13/09/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 150

By replaced - 22/02/2016 03:03 - United States - Marietta

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 212

You deserved it 1 658

Chick magnet

By Anonymous - 23/02/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left town for a month to visit family. Meanwhile, the young woman I hired at my restaurant just got back from vacation with her natural hair color restored. It’s the same color as my girlfriend’s hair, and she made a pass at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 452

By StillHurt - 19/01/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 462

You deserved it 2 253

By CheesyCasey - 30/05/2013 00:51 - United States - Detroit

Today, my workplace was issued aprons. I then became the first and only employee in the history of the business to set an apron on fire while using the grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 834

You deserved it 5 926

Overdoing it

By Zill - 17/11/2022 10:00

Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 121

mld4657 28

Wednesday 13 January 2016 1:27

Didnt you get a job description first?

youloveBC 14

Wednesday 13 January 2016 1:27

Well look at the bright side! You're making some money!

Comments

LenUrban 14

Wednesday 13 January 2016 4:02

Their are so many questions I have from this

ETA211 6

Wednesday 13 January 2016 4:06

...you may want to reconsider your career choice. Seriously what kind of business is your girlfriend running?

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Wednesday 13 January 2016 4:12

Wouldn't it be her responsibility to give you a job description before giving you the job?

captainsmegma 12

Wednesday 13 January 2016 4:22

What a great job. I wanna bleach some assholes.

Juanderful 9

Wednesday 13 January 2016 4:29

money is money

iamsofuckedupla 19

Wednesday 13 January 2016 4:33

Sounds like there was a hole in your plan...

CosmicGenius 10

Wednesday 13 January 2016 4:33

Sounds like you got yourself a shitty job. Lol.

moocowmilk0 19

Wednesday 13 January 2016 4:56

what was the inspiration for an asshole bleaching company

scottyrocks123 21

Wednesday 13 January 2016 5:02

A job is a job. It might suck but it's paying

filthyPierre 4

Wednesday 13 January 2016 5:03

Am I the only one to ask WTF? Having your arsehole beached is a thing now? I can't imagine how dousing your bumhole in chlorine would feel, but I bet it's not pleasant. Imagine going to the pub afterwards in your buttless chaps: Your friend: "Hey man, I see you got your bumhole bleached, looks great!" You: "Yeah, definitely worth it, makes me feel a whole lot better about myself now." Your friend: "Think I might get it done too!"