Work: Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells...

By StillHurt - 19/01/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 380

You deserved it 2 241

Work

Sorry…

Be better, people

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

By OutOfTheCloset - 02/06/2012 06:50 - United States - Clifton

Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 677

You deserved it 12 927

By Anonymous - 03/11/2018 14:00

Today, I woke up from celebrating my 29th birthday. I guess it's true that tolerance drops quickly as you age, because I stayed in and only drank a few beers with my husband and spent the entire day retching so hard I puked up blood. My partying days are definitely over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 400

You deserved it 375

By anonymous - 03/12/2009 06:55 - United States

Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 724

You deserved it 82 540

By Anonymous - 12/09/2014 13:17 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 406

You deserved it 7 427

By sadmama - 23/02/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that while my mother-in-law claimed to be babysitting my son, she was actually dropping him off at an unlicensed “day care” in a shady part of town so she could go out. How did I find out? The house was raided by police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 658

You deserved it 317

By Jex - 06/10/2012 10:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 791

You deserved it 4 256

The walls have ears

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 17:00

Today, I went out for lunch with one of my co-workers. After work, I talked to one of my friends about how unpleasant the lunch was with him. My co-worker was standing behind me listening in the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 2 621

By Salvation711 - 15/04/2012 15:29 - United States

Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 876

You deserved it 33 709

Damn regulations

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 06:01

Today, after being years of being told that it's a pipe dream and that I can't do it, I finally qualified for my unconventional dream job, competing with almost 100k people, only to find out during the medical exam that as I have epilepsy, I'm unfit for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 03:04 - United States

Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 359

You deserved it 6 083

By Shuntbob - 15/01/2018 17:30 - United States - Herriman

Today, my father told me that because of my 4.0 with all AP classes, I could choose where to eat tonight. My stepmother told him I wanted to eat at IKEA, of all places, because that's what she wanted. Guess who he believed, and guess where I am right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 530

You deserved it 347

By time to put you down, gran - 01/12/2012 22:53 - United States

Today, I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music being too loud, and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 786

You deserved it 4 685

By tj - 26/08/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 527

You deserved it 9 048

By Anonymous - 17/07/2015 17:14 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 479

You deserved it 4 327

By Spanky - 23/01/2009 11:36 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 671

You deserved it 2 491

By anonymous - 19/09/2010 00:15 - United States

Today, I bought a new pack of "feminine wipes" on my way over to my boyfriend's house after a long day of work. He saw them in my purse and sweetly told me I shouldn't be so self conscious. Later on, when he was going down on me, he said, "I take back what I said earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 280

You deserved it 9 112

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 00:48 - Canada

Today, for my 18th birthday my mum gave me a black lace thong. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 285

You deserved it 4 160

Cosmopolitan's 50 Top Tips for Lonely Saddos!

By opposites don’t attract - 16/09/2020 11:03 - United States

Today, I was so sad and lonely, so I started browsing articles about how to get a man. Basically every list was naming the exact opposite of everything I am. So I guess if I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I have to change everything about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 321

By not impressed - 09/10/2015 18:27 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 196

You deserved it 4 574

By EggHead - 31/12/2014 04:38 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, at work, a 3-year-old threw an egg at me from his cart. I couldn't leave my register to clean my hair because it was too busy, so when the new manager came in, he wrote me up for "unkempt appearance." Now my new hire probation period is extended 30 days, and my nickname is "Egghead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 927

You deserved it 2 581

By helpme - 15/01/2013 07:23 - United States - Irvine

Today, as part of a charity project called Operation Valentine, I worked with 150 other volunteers to make care packages and Valentine's Day cards to send to the troops in Afghanistan, thanking them for their courage. My boyfriend called the cards "cheating" and now refuses to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 338

You deserved it 4 029

Ah, those were the times…

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 20:50 - United States - Ely

Today, my 19-year-old brother subjected me to yet another rant about how the writers of My Little Pony aren't writing the show for people like him any more, the "true fans", otherwise known as pimply-faced adults who don't use deodorant and only shower once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 416

You deserved it 4 499

Stay indoors, make new friends!

By janmesh - 06/11/2020 11:01 - Germany - Köln

Today, i found myself talking to the rat living under my wardrobe as if he was my friend. It's only day 2 of the partial lockdown in Germany. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 148

By twitch01 - 09/08/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, as a joke, my friends and I decided to put me in a dress and makeup, to creep out a friend. I'm a guy. I'm not sure which is worse, the fact that I so willingly volunteered to wear the dress and the makeup, or the fact that I thought it was comfy and made me look slim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 729

You deserved it 54 290

By Andrew - 31/10/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I got married. We both promised to remain abstinent until our wedding day. She's on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 718

You deserved it 9 853

By Anonymous - 12/08/2009 20:12 - Denmark

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 673

You deserved it 3 305

By UFVKNP - 10/03/2017 16:00

Today, my coworker and I were swamped with coffee orders. I told him I would "take care of the blacks", and a customer who only heard that sentence screamed at me for several minutes about racism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 907

You deserved it 572

By emperor - 21/07/2009 05:38 - Bangladesh

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 420

You deserved it 30 578

By fernie vazquez - 10/06/2012 09:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents at her sister's play. The moment I introduced myself, I realized that her father was my probation officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 289

You deserved it 20 444

By Anonymous - 23/01/2014 21:49 - United States - Washington

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 734

You deserved it 5 161

By Littlebigben - 19/07/2017 05:00

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as 'dad' to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 593

You deserved it 318

By Anonymous - 20/02/2015 21:26 - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 933

You deserved it 2 751

By dude5028 - 08/09/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, I switched from a pediatrician to an adult doctor. The guy was really persistant about a few personal questions. Then he brought my parents in the room and told them that I have an abnormally small penis and what remedies he knows of to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 041

You deserved it 4 090

By orgasmsareoverratedanyway - 25/09/2012 17:42 - Norway - Myre

Today, I realized just how clingy my boyfriend is, when he pulled out in the middle of sex, lay down and hugged me, and said in his "adorable" voice that he didn't really want to have sex, but cuddle. I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen so often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 815

You deserved it 5 229

Marriage benefits

By Anonymous - 10/09/2021 17:00

Today, my husband told me he’s gay, has a boyfriend and will be living with him, but he wants to stay married because it has good tax benefits, plus our joint mortgage, and if he comes out to his father he’ll be cut from the will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 73

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 531

You deserved it 9 308

By zcollins - 10/09/2013 15:52 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my graduation trip to New York. Instead, she and her group of continuously drunk friends are going to Vegas because, "We could win the jackpot and take you on an even bigger trip to New York!" She's never won anything in her whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 258

You deserved it 3 566

Feelings

By Anon - 19/10/2020 07:57 - United States

Today, my parents told me, after 30 years of marriage, that they are getting a divorce. I went to my boyfriend's apartment because I needed some comfort. While sobbing to him, he decided to dump me on the spot because my reaction to the news was "immature" and he wants an "adult" relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 314

By Byron fiddles - 24/02/2009 11:57 - Hungary

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 989

You deserved it 56 539

By latepayer - 13/10/2009 15:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I owed my school $0.20. They decided to charge me a late fee of $20 for deferring the intial payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 802

You deserved it 4 035

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Top comments

null_fml 11

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 12:29

This is your chance to toy with her. Let her know that you were in exactly her position. Tell her her time is coming up too. Keep asking her if she knows where her fiancé is, and grin evilly. Be creative! Have fun with this rare situation!

sweetpea129 0

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 12:27

poor thing!

sweetpea129 0

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 12:27

poor thing!

KingPoloIII 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 4:27

kill the bitch!!! revenge is sweet!! j/p

troyboyd05 0

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Monday 1 March 2010 5:38

Stab her with a random man's penis. That usually does the trick.

GanjAxZermA 0

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 12:27

that sucks. srry :(

null_fml 11

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 12:29

georgina07 0

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 13:54

that's a good idea, but don't be so obvious about it! she could toy with her but don't make it seem like she's doing it on purpose, rather like she was doing it randomly while saying "you're home's gonna be wrecked, too, slut."

browncoat 0

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Wednesday 20 January 2010 13:17

True, this could be a blessing in disguise, but you have to be sneaky about it. Very...sneaky...

AmbrosiaFan 18

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Thursday 21 January 2010 19:55

hahaahahaa. This is too sweet. Let her know you were in her position before, but it was a sadder ending as he cheated and left you. Say that you hope her guy hasn't ever done that and will never do that to her, and find her a beautiful (aka PRICEY) dress.

RandomGuy1234 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 7:30

Wow...the odds of this actually happening is so slim..fate is giving you a chance to either toy with her or be the better woman and move on

nfc14 2

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:22

Keep tightening the dress in-between visits so she thinks she's putting on weight

writergirl23 19

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Sunday 3 June 2012 11:18

Then she'll go extra skinny and look great

Idontcare123456 0

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 12:32

I don't understand how she deserve it..If i were you i would do what #3 says just make sure you don't get fired...So sorry for you..i bet it's very awkward.

hannahuk1986 0

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 12:37

I agree with #3. Remind her that a cheetah never loses it's spots.

perdix 29

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 12:38

Sew some bedbugs into the crotch.

Wooddaver 0

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 12:43

seriously, wasn't there anyone else to help her? I don't get these kinds of fmls

Americunt 0

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 12:45

RUIN HER. RU-IN HER. Well, maybe your ex-fiance was a rapist guy. There was a chick named Karla that helped her boyfriend/fiance rape her sister and 2 other girls and all three of them are dead. Better rejected than sorry. FYL.

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 14:12

#8 - Somehow I am confused, disgusted, and really turned on at the same time after reading this post.

whatwasthatnoise 0

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 16:38

yea i'm also somewhat confused at that comment although, on another note, i vaguely seeing a post exactly like this one a couple weeks ago

Im_Jesus_BITCH 3

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 20:02

Americunt is talking about the case here in Canada with Karla Homolka and Paul Bernardo. Raped and murdered Karla's sister, then raped, murdered, defecated on, and mutilated two teenage girls. Disgusting essentially. Also not relevant to this FML.

bubblz 0

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Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:19

how can you be turned on by rape and murder?

Jimboom 11

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 13:02

Ask your boss to hand off this customer due to conflicts of interest. I am sure they would understand.

Darkhumor 0

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Wednesday 20 January 2010 8:57

but then you'd miss all the fun! :P

bkelly6969 0

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 13:14

I'd fuck her dress alll up!!

unfortunate_13 5

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 15:39

Put a little balloon of red ink on the place where her ass is. When she sits down during her wedding, the balloon opens, spilling all the red ink on her dress and giving everyone the impression that she got her period on her wedding day.