Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend who trained me at the job we both work at received a promotion, which left a spot for advancement. I was chosen for the position, and now the guy she's been cheating on me with is training me. Congrats. FML
Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML
Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Today, my girlfriend offered to wash the bathroom while I was at work. I came back home to find her feeling unwell with a bad headache. She had mixed drain cleaner with bleach because she thought it would make the bathroom cleaner. Now my entire house is a mini gas chamber. FML
Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML
Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML
Today, my girlfriend left town for a month to visit family. Meanwhile, the young woman I hired at my restaurant just got back from vacation with her natural hair color restored. It’s the same color as my girlfriend’s hair, and she made a pass at me. FML
Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML
Today, my workplace was issued aprons. I then became the first and only employee in the history of the business to set an apron on fire while using the grill. FML
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Top comments
mld4657 28
Didnt you get a job description first?
youloveBC 14
Well look at the bright side! You're making some money!
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Comments (72)
writerchic85 26
I would think you'd need some kind of training and certification for that. Just like any beauty thing.
missyfiona89 28
If you're gonna complain about the help your girlfriend is giving you, perhaps you don't deserve help.
Zacholicious 15
what the hell kind of business did your girlfriend start? I think this one needs a followup
Colon_Man 17
I'm imagining the row of store fronts; Payless Shoes, Ass Bleaching, Toys R' Us...
more4me 27
I'm curious. How and why does an anus need bleaching ? Is it for cosmetic reasons? Why?! Nobody ever looks down there! Do they? For health reasons? Do I need to have my anus bleached ? No really, I wanna know.
shitstorm28 11
you literally asked for it.
hotmessguy 13
Considering there are likely to be far more women getting their arses bleached then men i'd consider it a win... Or a semi ? win due to bleaching the asses at your girlfriends work...
VampOfSavannah 31
Hey man, you were the one who volunteered.
MitiMiki 16
Something smells funny about this story.
0neiros 14
I'm sure if you apply yourself, you'll climb the ladder to "Ball Shaver" in no time.
Colon_Man 17
There's nothing like a shorn scrotum. Breathtaking, really.
vikky538 29
Look at the bright side.